just diagnosed

well, here I am. Have moved from worried to diagnosed. Has been such a shock, gp thought it was ok, consultant thought it was ok, had mamogram and ultra sound and both looked ok. But it’s not, it’s cancer. Yesterday was horrid, today’s a bit better and I’m sure I’ll feel a little bit better tomorrow than I do today.
Got my surgery next week and chemo to follow. Was getting married on dec 30th but spoke to my breast nurse today (they are just incredible, what a difficult job) and she agreed I should try and bring the date forward so getting married on Nov 21st.
Everyone’s trying to be positive, it’s a small lump, but it’s hurting now, my shoulder hurts and I can’t tell anyone because I don’t want to worry them any more than I have to.
Very lonely and a little bit frightened
kate x

Big Hugs to you Kate and welcome to the club no one wants to join:(
I started a thread wobbly weds, lumpectomy as i go in for it tomorrow, actually this morning now i look at my watch. Its all so scary and frightening and surreal and emotionally exhausting. This site is fab and a good place to actually write down yur worries without actually having to say some of them in person as its oh so difficult.And of course you get such lovely support.getting tired now i must go to bed and face tomorrow. Please free to ask me anything here or by a private message.~hugs~ Deb xx

Hi Kate, I too am sorry to hear your recent diagnosis. It is all so bewildering and upsetting. I just wanted to tell you that it is great that you have had the courage to write down how you feel. I got diagnosed 20 years ago when I was in my late 30s. My children were small but I never thought I would get through it all, yet I am here still. I had chemo followed by mastectomy. Can I ask you which area of the coutry you live? As you will guess I am north of the border. Many of us are on the forum late at night if we cannot sleep so do not feel that you are alone. Keep in touch. I am sorry that you have had to change the date of your wedding. Thinking of you and sending hugs your way. Love Val (Scottishlass) X

Kate hang on in there all that is happening at the moment is so scary i like you went through the same ok;s re gp even my consultant couldn’t feel a lump i had a wle in oct ( you will get used to the jargon) but i am here 12 months on . My breast surgoen said to me a year ago 4 weeks post op , get done what you have to do before chemo ( 5 weeks) because the next 12 months are on hold.
there is a wealth of knwledge and advice on here and some smiles when you are ready xxx

rhian

Hi Kate

Sorry to hear about your diagnosis. I was diagnosed 2 weeks ago…already on chemo and my emotions have not even caught up…life changing is not the word…we had plans yeah…I know it feels lonely…like the lady said…a club no-one wants to join…its okay to be frightened…but speak to people about the way you feel…I’m tired of the bloody cards and flowers…speak to people you’ll go nuts otherwise…at this moment…I have put my plans off to go to the Maldives with my family (I’m 37)…got shortlisted for a job…that I have been waiting for for years…withdrew…what I’m trying to say that…with this there could never be good timing Kate I guess…the good news is…that…this can be treated…I know it sounds crap…but it could always be worse?..sorry man…I know your life was just fine last week I feel the same way…Noelene

Thank you all for your kind words and thoughts, i’m not sure I deserve them (just smoked a cigarette first time since diagnosis)
You all sound so brave and I’m not. I’ve gone to pieces and I thought I was so strong. Sounds so daft but I’m terrified by the pre surgery assessment. Will the chest xray show I’ve got lung cancer? Will the ecg show there’s something wrong with my heart? Pathetic and silly i know but I’m so full of fear at the moment.
Thanks to the site, just so good to hear from women who are going through the same, if I come out of surgery ok, not doing gifts for my wedding but asking for donations to BCC x

Hi
Just wanted to add I got diagnosed a few months before my wedding too so we moved it forwards and planned it all in 3weeks to get it in before my op. Had a much smaller thing then next year when I’m through chemo we’re having a blessing and massive party. I’m more than happy to help you out with the planning etc. 2 weddings = 2 dresses and 2 bliming good reasons to wear them.
Fairyem x

Hi jpangel

I am sorry to read of your recent diagnosis. As well as the support you are receiving from the other users you may find the BCC resources pack helpful. It has been designed for those newly diagnosed and is filled with information to help you understand your diagnosis, test results and the various treatments available.

I hope this is helpful.

Kind regards
Sam (BCC Facilitator)

hello jpangel
just wanted to say how sorry i am that this has happened to you - I know it is really crap.
I was really sorry to see you beating yourself up about your response and wanted to tell you that we all ‘go to bits’ and get stuck in fear, anger, fury, grief and whatever hideous emotions you can think of, and we all go through the ‘worst case scenario’ worries, thinking about the implications. I think we all cover up to some degree how bad we feel at times and that might make us come across as braver than we are really feeling.
Please don’t beat yourself up - you, and all of us, are entitled to those feelings - they’re a reasonable response to what is happening to us.
You will get through this horrible time and there will be surprising and wonderful times in amongst all the hard times. You’ll get lots of support on here and its a great place to ‘tell it how it is’ about how you’re feeling, in a good old rant.
Best wishes to you and all newly diagnosed
love, Monica

hi kate, the early days are the worst but you get through it, I cant believe I finnish radiotherapy tomorrow and my breast cancer journey has hopefully come to an end.

you will get plenty of help and support from here, take care honey

Love

Carol xx

hi jpangel and thissucks…
my god we all understand and remember that place so well… the first weeks are soooooo hard. we all say it, and we all mean it. somehow it does get easier. i got sick of the cards and flowers too, sounds ungrateful but i didn’t want flowers and cards i wanted someone to tell me it was all going to be ok and to take the cancer away. i promise you girls that somehow this initial pain does ease.

jpangel… i promise you we are not brave… (well no braver than you are). you will find that you just carry on because you have to, life goes on and you find a way to deal with it. i’ve just finished chemo, and awaiting a bi lateral mastectomy and people tell me i’m brave all the time… inside i feel like a small child treading water desperate for her mum to pick her up and make it all better…!! don’t beat yourself up… you ARE strong enough to deal with whatever gets thrown at you. it just takes time so go easy on yourself. xxx
thinking of you both and sending loads of hugs xxxx

Hi jpangel and redcell

Redcell thanks for the constant support and jpangel I read your other post…my better half is going through a hard time too…We have been married 13 years…what made me happiest was to see him happy and I think part of me feels to blame for making him feel sad?..even though this is out of my control…to a large extent…other than the medical steps that I am taking…our partners are in this together with us…and I speak to him…because I don’t want him to be afraid…more than he has too…my way of fighting this…is trying now…to remain calm…rejoice in the fact that I got treatment quickly…and other than that we all have to wait and see don’t we?..and hope for the best…I know its crap but…don’t let the cancer take the joy of the 21 Nov (wedding)…away from you…I told my hubby…no birthday celebrations for me this year…will wait until this is all over and have a party…but I’m thinking about you…and damn…why should we do that to ourselves…on top of what the cancer is doing?..I’m sure you will be fine…your hair etc…FECT I’ve been told you loose you hair 3 - 4 weeks after first treatment…so you can plan around that?

Good luck
Noelene

Hi there Kare, just like you the same happened to me, both my doctor and Consultant thought it was ok and not cancer and even the scan looked ok. I was shocked and I still am but I told everyone, all my friends and family and they have all been my rock and are very much there for me and support me tremendously. So try to keep your chin up and don’t keep it in as it may do you more harm than good.

Hope this helps

Sara xxxxx

Hi jpangel,

My mum has just been diagnosed with bc. She has her op on 9th Nov and i’m terrified for her. She didn’t think to ask what grade or type it is as she was so shocked, it was just a routine mammogram. I’m learning lots from everyone on this lovely website, what to expect, how she’s really gonna be feeling and whats possibly after surgery. We’re very close and at first she tried to protect me and my sister but now she talks freely which is great. Her husband seems to be in denial though, which isn’t helping her much but it is very hard to take in I dont think its completely sunk in with any of us yet. Stay strong and do chat to people my mum’s really starting to open up now and tell me a little bit of her fears and worries.

Lots of hugs,

Lettuceleaf

so glad you found the site lettuce, there is so much love and support on here. I’m just about to post a new topic as I’ve had my results today after op and they’re all good, still can’t quite take it in. I really don’t think I could have made it through without the girls on here. Thoughts are with you and your mum, keep coming back to the site hun, we’ll help you through it x