just got on the rollercoaster

just got on the rollercoaster

just got on the rollercoaster Hi, I’ve just been diagnosed with a cancerous lump in my breast, preop on friday, surgery on tuesday, the same lump that was benign 5 years ago. all i can think about is how long as it been in my body, so many of these stories are so courageous, i don’t know if i can be that strong, reading them and sitting here crying because the stories are all so sad
i am 41, with a 10 year old and a 15 year old and i can only see hideous scenarios every time i close my eyes. Why i am i writing this, i don’t know, knowing you are all out there makes me feel less like its just me
healthy person on monday morning, ill patient monday afternoon, when will i stop crying?

Sad Hi techy

I’m rubbish at saying the right thing, even though I know what you’re going through, so I’m sending a big hug, cos I’m good at those

(((((((( HUG )))))))))

You will have good days too, it does get easier.

love,
Jacki xxx

Sorry to hear your news Hi Techy

So very sorry you have had to join us but we are a great bunch I promise you.

You will stop crying when you are ready and don’t try to force it - this is a horrible thing that has happened to you.

I am almost half way through rads now and although you will find this hard to believe there is life after diagnosis. I’ve found this site a fantastic help and I hope you do too.

Whatever you are thinking or experiencing one of the wonderful ladies on here will have been there already - if you want advice, thoughts or just a hug across the ether then log on and tell us.

The waiting around is the worst bit in my opinion once you know what is going to happen then you can start to think about how to manage it. From now on if at all possible take someone on every future appointment and make certain they have a note pad and pen with them. There’s far too much to take in and you may need to review what has been said – also ask questions and admit if you don’t understand anything – but don’t ask for any information you may not want – you can always ask at the next meeting.

Keep us posted on your progress and hang in there

Kim x

thanks for that Thanks for replying, its a quiet place with everyone at work, you feel so seperate from everyone busy with life,
It is nice to have people out there who have done this, been there.
people have sent me flowers, it just makes me cry, i know its all they can do to help, i just don’t want to be the sick person receiving flowers.

ta
Claire

Hi Claire

Welcome to our family… sorry you have had to join us, but we are here for you when you need us.

It’s funny you say about well one day ill the next! You will find it’s the same at the end of treatment! It’s like for months all these people have been doing things for you (ops, tests, chemo etc) then suddenly one day they say ok, you are all clear and goodbye… Not that it’s quite like that as you get follow ups, but it feels like that. I finished my main treatment at the end of January this year and am now on 5 years of Arimidex.

Take care and take it a day at a time.

Luv Lynn x

Hi Techy

Sorry to hear your news. I was diagnosed just 12 months ago, had mastectomy last may followed by chemo and radiotherapy which finished on 26th February. You will become stronger once the news has sinked in. I found the worst part was telling family and friends.

One thing I did realise during the treatment was that I had to tell my kids everything. Because I didn’t open up at the start of my treatment they thought the worst and it was only when I starting talking to them and reassuring them that they settled down too. This web site is brilliant because it makes you realise how many of us are going through this day by day.

Like you I had hideous scenarios going round my brain all day, but that’s now eased. I’m sure it will for you but you must give it time.

Anniemay

sorry you have to join us but honestly you canfind the strength-l never thought l would but here l am on my 48th birthday three years down the line.I sobbed buckets too hated the place looking like a funeral home with so many floweres and in the wee small hours l surfed the net and terrified myself,Didnt want to be alone or with people.BUT got rid of the cancer and yes after hospital,flowers and caring at the other end when they cast you adrift and your back to work and normal drudgery you feel equally bereft!no pleasing really.Honestly just wanted to say cry scream do anything its ok and we are all so aware of your feelings and sending love and hugs sharon x

I think it is the worst time of all the dx and then waiting for treatment to start. I found those winter days so dark and depressing through Christmas that I am already dreading winter and I used to like it. I did feel better in January when I started on the chemo. Although dreading it I felt able to deal with it. I also was prescribed anti depressants which after three weeks worked wonders. I said the same things as you when first dx and the ladies on this site told me what I am writing to you and they were right. Keep in touch how you are feeling is normal I used to read posts and think How can they make a joke. Now I too can have a laugh that’s not to say I wasn’t sitting crying on Monday night at 2 am, but that is now quite rare. Thinking of you love Eileen

For Claire Hi Claire

Just wanted to confirm what all the other lovely ladies have told you - it will get better.

I’m quite a “newie” to this site too - I was diagnosed on 4th April, and have since undergone every scan going, surgery, and my first lot of chemo last Friday. I will also be having a mastectomy at the end of the year. These past few weeks have been a roller coaster of emotions, and I’ve felt like my body wasn’t my own. I remember feeing exactly as you do now, and thinking I could never drag myself out of this deep dark depressive place. I too was sick of the flowers, cards and sympathy, and just kept thinking of my kids.

These ladies on here told me things would get better - and they do. We will all have good days and bad days, but overall we WILL get through this.

Take care, and sending you lots of love and a big hug.

Love Julie
xxx

Hello Techy.

When I was first diagnosed I went round in a daze, it was just before Christmas and got cross that everyone out shopping was in a happy mood, how can they be so happy when I am going through this I thought to myself, but now nearly 5 months on, I am as happy as everyone else around me, I have had the op and been through radiotherapy, and am hardly thinking of the BC.

Please keep us posted on how you are doing, we are here for you.

Love and Hugs Val. XXXX.

hi i think were on the same roller coaster and i have been on it since january as my prognosis is good! so they tell me and i now have 2 different options for treatment from 2 different surgeons one is bilateral masectomy or the other is remove more tissue to get clear margins radiation and tamoxifen with both. so the roller coaster ride is bumpy. I can totally relate to the flowers as i felt guilty for having them and kept stating i am not ill! and when people phoned or called i wanted to be left alone but then when the phone went quiet i got upset that nobody cared! -the moral of the story is at the moment nobody can get it right in our very confused world. it does get better and i know maybe some people may not appreciate this but we have to keep a sense of humour so i took my illness for a day out to work last week and even though i resented going it helped because i then focused on the injustice of having to sort out paper work/admin (yuk!) i actually teach hairdressing in a college to 16 year olds and they have been fantastic and caring and considering they have very little finances i had the biggest most beautifull basket of flowers ever which made me sob for them, me and everybody else in this situation. i am now at a stage were i am starting to focus on other things for short periods but must admit that all of a sudden will suddenly stop and think hold on i have cancer and then carry on. its all a bit unreal.x x

thanks for supportive words Hi all

thanks so much for talking to me, I know that you are right, but i am having one of my more rational moments right now, 4 in the morning was radically less calm.

I have stopped crying ALL the time, i get triggered by things now, stupid things like seeing a dress in fenwicks that i would have looked fab in, but that was before monday, and now i’m buying pyjamas.

I also think that i have ignored symtoms for quite some time, not ignored but attached innocuous reasons to. Screaming pain in my right shoulder that has woken me up most nights since xmas, i thought was down to over use of computer, bad posture, but now i’m thinking the pain is directly behind where the lump is, it woke me up last night and I don’;t know what to think.

too much thinking me thinks
thanks again, i really appreciated your comments yesterday

clairexx

hi claire
I haven’t posted for a while and am sorry to welcome you to the bc family, however what the others have said is so on the button and I’m sure that you will find so much support and encouragement from this site, I know that I have. As time goes by I have found that things that seemed inconcevable before, very soon become ‘normal’, the main thing is to know that you are not alone. I started keeping an online journal very early on, I have found it very theraputic to get it all out and hope that any one who reads it finds it helpful and at least relatable.
If you want to access it just type in beastcancerdiary on a google search, yes it does say beast…a typing error at the time but very fitting to this carry on!!
Hope you find something in there that helps, it dates back to 12th Jan 06.
Hope you are feeling ok at the mo, take care and be kind to yourself,
all my love and hugs
Scarlet. xx :slight_smile:

highs and lows Hi all
thanks for your replys, they are so helpful, friends can listen but a voice that has been through (is going through) is so much more helpful.
I had my surgery last tuesday and I was discharged by 8pm that night, wli and sentinel lymph nodes x2 removed. Initial tests show no spread to nodes, but told not to take that until paths back.
I felt a million dollars on weds, my mcm nurse rang on weds, couldn’t find me in hosp, never heard of people being released so early, very glad to be home, very serious snorer directly opposite me in ward, also kept stripping out of hosp gown and showing me everything! (it did give me a laugh!)
I was on a major high because it had gone so well, now that i am heading towards the meeting where i find out treatment plan i am beginning to slip into the loop of despair again, trying to stay up but mind pondering on future. Once you get this you are never free, you are always the cancer sufferer, always the person whose future is not clear, I’m such a doer that this rest and recuperation is killing me!

Anyway the week before surgery was hell, at least i have started to ‘fix’ things now,
thanks to all for replying
it really does help
Claire

Hi Claire

it is better to be at home I think but take it easy. I have had three lots of surgery since January and I am always on a high when I come home from having got through the surgery. Then I would get very nervous leading up to the consultation when the results and treatment would be discussed. I had my last op on Wed a minor one compared with the first two ops - to remove a small lump in my neck - get my results on the 29th May.

Good luck with the consultation when you get the path results. Keep yourself occupied in some way the day before the appointment and the day of the appointment - you will be nervous and no one can take that away. I just remind myself that this is a treatable disease there is something they can do for me - it is hard though. Best of luck Chloe x