Hi my lovely wife is tonight in hospital awaiting a masectomy,full node clearence and reconstruction tommorow and im so alone and scared so i decided to sign on here as i need to feel im not alone. My wife who is 42 was diagnosed with breast cancer in Nov 10 and had sentinal node removal plus another 6 nodes in december followed by fec chemo which was stopped after 2 sessions as it was not working, then we found out that the cancer had spread to the ribs and she has been on zoladex,tamox and ibandronic acid since then. This op has taken ages to get 10 months and i think they really didn’t want to do it but we pushed hard and we got it. I have known my wife sinc i was 14 and i loved her then,now and every second of every day in-between. We have two great teenage kids and i can tell by the way they were looking at me tonight that they are so very scared also. I of course would never let them know just how im feeling or how i felt when i kissed my wifes lips and left the hospital tonight with both us in tears. She is so much weaker now than she was a year ago and iam so very worried. My heart would burst if i ever lose her she has been my life for nearly 30 years. Iam so sorry that im bothering you great people with this but i felt the need to tell someone as Iam bottling it up and my friends just don’t get it.
Thanks again and take the most care ever.
Hello, I’m so sorry your wife is having to have surgery again for bc, after all you’ve been through together as a family since her diagnosis.
You sound a truly great husband and my heart goes out to you today. We are all here for you - you say you just need to feel someone is here for you - well there are lots of “someones” on here, and now that it’s morning, I know there’ll be lots of others adding their good wishes messages to you here.
Your friends just may not be able to express in words what they want to say to you - but please do keep posting on here as we all understand on here, and you’ll get some really caring replies, which is what you need right now.
Take good care of yourself today - we’ll all be thinking of your lovely wife, and wishing her and your and your family well.
Today will be a difficult day for you - especially whilst your wife is asleep for her surgery, ccos the waiting will be horrible for you and your teenage kids, so I hope she goes for her surgery earlyish on today, then you’ll be able to see her later perhaps. She’ll be woozy straight after her op, but you’ll be reassured if you can see her afterwards.
With much love to you and your family!
Shelley xxx
Hi,
I’m 42 and also dx in Nov. I had 6 chemo and then a mastectomy, full clearance and reconstruction.
I’m so sorry that your wife and all of you are suffering so much in the hands of this rubbish disease. Hopefully, as I write this she will have come around from her op and you will gave been able to see her.
There’s nothing I can say that will make you suddenly feel better but know that we (folks on here) understand your feelings and there will always be someone to talk to. Maybe try the helpline?
Take care x
hi,
just to let you know you arent alone, there are a lot of people in your position as we speak, thats no help to you I know, but keep on being there for each other, you will get through this, and you and your family will be stronger, different people for this horrid experience,
keep posting and let us know how your wife gets on, sending you love and best wishes Liz x
You won’t be alone as a partner, there are some partners on here.
It’s tough on you as well as us!
Just before my Op when they were checking me over, drawing on my boob to see where the incision would be made and discussing what drugs they would give me, the nurse left the room, I was making a joke with my partner about it and he burst into tears, I was totally floored by it. Turns out he was really scared about me being put under. That was the most touching thing I’d seen and heartbreaking.
I’ll be thinking of you all today, it’s a tough tough time and you sound like a wonderful partner and she’ll need that.
Take care and let us all know how it goes won’t you xxx
Hi there IWillTryToFixU and welcome to the BCC forums
In addition to the support you have here please do feel free to call our helpline where you talk things through with someone in confidence, it may help, the lines are open weekdays 9-5 and Sat 9-2 on 0808 800 6000
Take care
Lucy
Cyber hugs for you all today. I think it may be ok to tell your kids you are scared. I’m sure they are too. And sharing together may actually help them and help you.
Sadie Xx Xx
Love the Username! That’s part of the pain, isn’t it? You CAN’T fix it, and the helplessness is awful. Be thinking and praying for you guys today. Please don’t be afraid to let your kids know that it’s OK to talk about how they feel… if they see you doing it, they’re more likely to say… otherwise you all feel isolated… Horrid process for you all! Jane
Thinking of you all today. Share how you are feeling your children will be feeling the same. Today will seem very long but hopefully you will see her later. There are usually people on the forum whenever you log on so you never need feel alone.
Sending you a big HUG* we are here xXx
hello there
just wanted to add my ‘voice’ to the lovely supportive texts on here. We have been dealing with bc together for 14 years and my husband never stops worrying about it - more than i do sometimes - and i know how hard it is for him. Our children have grown up with it, we’ve laughed and cried about it, tried to ignore it and got our heads down and dealt with stuff like chemo. I think the surgery is so hard for my husband because he has to hand me over fully to someone else’s care and that is hard to do.
At first I had to tease out what was wrong - I thought he was angry with me - but over the years we have found a way to communicate.
You sound like such a lovely, caring husband to your wife, and today will no doubt be hard but it will pass and you two will be able to be together again. I agree with Jane that it might be helpful to talk to your kids about it - they must be scared too.
I’ll be thinking of you all today and checking in to see how you are doing
take care of yourself
mon
hi there , you are certainly not alone in how you are feeling, i bet every spouse on here has felt your despair i know i did when my hubby was dx with brain tumour in 2000, the utter fear was immense and he was my soulmate but please know thare are some great hubbys that pop on here and am sure thay will be along or you could go through old posts find them and private message them,just hang on in there hugs to you and your family xx
Your love will help your wife to cope - it helps me enormously to know I’ve loved and cherished although that carries a real sadness with it too because of the disease… Keep in touch with us - you are doing so well in reaching out for support for yourself wherever you can find it; and I’ve found loads of support (night and day) on these threads.
Hoping that by the end of today things seem more “cope-able”
xxx
Most of the posters here have said it all - I hope you come back to read what they have said. You must have been feeling so low last night without your wife beside you. I think it must have taken a lot of courage to pour it out on here, but that is what forums are for. I hope your wife’s surgery goes/has gone well. I think you did absolutely right to push for this surgery. Many breast surgeons do not carry out surgery on breast tumours if the cancer has already spread but thinking is changing. It is just a shame that you had to fight for it.
You probably haven’t had any time to read through some of our posts on here but there is one particular thread Bone mets - please join in (or something like that) where a number of us post and some, including myself have been living for many years with bone secondaries. My breast cancer was diagnosed in 1990 with bone secondaries in 2002.
I hope you will find time to come back and tell us how things are.
Dawn
xx
Well my heart just burst reading your post I cannot add anything that has not already been said, one thing is for sure if anything will get you both through this the strong bond & unconditional love you both have will, you are not alone, there is always someone here to confide in
much love to you all
Mekala x
Hi all and thank you so much for all your lovely posts.
Well my wife went into theatre at 8-00am this morning and was out at 3-30pm, the nurses say the op went well and I got to see her at 6-00pm. What a wonderfull woman she is tubes and drains everywhere and coulden’t hardly keep her eyes open but she gave me the biggest smile and a wink and gradualy found her voice and we chatted about this and that for a bit and i seen her eyes going and i said i would get away and let her have a sleep. So im feeling a bit more positive tonight and i might get a sleep myself (was half 4 this morning and up at 7) just glad she is settled and will take the kids in to see her tommorow:). Just want to pick all you lovely peoples brains a little bit if ok. What will the hospital know about the op should we ask what was taken out and if there was any other problems or should we just wait till we see the oncologist at the end of the month?
Thanks again for being so kind to a silly man x
Hi, I and all the others on here won’t think for a moment you are a silly man, very caring and loving more like. We all know what it is like to be left before the operation, and remember when our loved ones had to leave us too, it is very hard for both of us. Come on here and ask all you like if a question can be answered it will be, love to you, your wife and children. junieliz
You’re not a silly man at all, you know I’d rather have cancer than have my partner have it, believe it or not. I find it hard enough not having much personal control as it is, but having the fear of losing him is too much for me, he’s one of the few great things in my life and I can’t imagine being without him, I love him and adore him so much, even with his niggles 
The hospital will send the tumour away for a thorough checking and they’ll tell you the results of this. Another wait 
They told me that overall mine was bigger - it was 45mm in total!
If any queries you can contact the BCN as well you know.
Bless you all, it’s a tough tough time xxxx
yes I was thinking of the BCN too. However its a peronal choice wether or not to get information over the phone, unless you are sure you will completely understand it and the consequences of it.
However is it not normal to see the surgeon two weeks after the op to go over the pathology report?? You could ask your breast nurse if this is going to happen, it cannot be right to have to wait til the end of hte month.
Your wife might get more information before she is discharged, I had a visit from the surgeon who told me how the operation had gone and what he had taken out to be sent off to the lab.
You probably already looked but there is some good stuff for kids and teens on the internet. Macmillan also have a very good little booklet about “When your parent has cancer” I found it in our oncology centre bookshelf, aimed about 12-16+. My babe was 18. I’m sure the kids know you’re not happy and wondering the best way they can help - just to say, don’t try and keep them in the dark or they will think it’s worst than it really is! And enjoy them too, sometimes taking them out and do their own lives and giving mum a quiet afternooon will benefit everyone most. Glad she has done well today, it sounds like you all did.