Just need to laugh

Hi,

Feeling very low today as my op is becoming rather close and starting to get scared. Been very positive from the begining but i think it has hit me like a tone of bricks today.
My mum is a waste of time as all she is bothered about is herself and full of self pity that her daughter is ill and telling everyone she meets in the street so she gets the full ’ oh im so sorry and how are YOU coping, you must sick with worry’. She loves the attention from it all but not asked once how im feeling (dont really seem interested).
Hubby is just throwing himself into work and not really talking about it either. He is normally very caring and loving so maybe hes hiding his feelings too. Feel like everyone dont want to know.
Im normally the kind of person who cheers everyone up when they are down but where is everyone when i need to laugh!!! Not sure if i want to talk about it or not as i dont want to start the tears as that means this has won!!.. sound a bit confused dont i lol.

Sorry to sound so low and neg.

how is everyone else today??

claire xx

Hi Claire

So sorry that you’re feeling so low today and that your mum can’t be more supportive. I think your husband is probably finding it difficult to express his feelings and hard work is his way of coping. I’m sure he does care very much indeed.

I’m not at all surprised that you’re scared - I’m scared witless already and my op is still three weeks away. I don’t think crying means that it has won although I too try very hard not to cry - it makes me feel weak even though I know it doesn’t really mean that. So perhaps we should bubble together and when its all over we can laugh together with sheer relief!!

You are in my thoughts and prayers.

God bless.

Christay

Hi Claire

Its a daunting time but you will be fine. My Mum is exactly the same, she seems to love the attention she gets from everyone, I have had my third annual mammogram recently and I was really worried in case anything shows up. Mum hasn’t even asked me how I got on but I do know she is under a lot of pressure as my dad is very ill at present too. Even so, Mum does go around saying “my poor husband, I have so much to do etc etc and then my poor daughter etc etc” and all her friends and neighbours say how wonderful she is doing with all the worry and how does she cope. Hubby too was awful when I was diagnosed, he went to pieces and instead of me breaking down crying it was him, I can remember handing him the box of tissues and giving him a cuddle!!!

Anyway, what op are you having and when? I enjoy talking to others in the same position and as I am a little further down the line would love to offer any help and support that I can.

Love Jan

Dear Claire and Christay

You are welcome to contact our freephone confidential helpline for further support and a ‘listening ear’ if you feel this would help at the moment. Our trained helpliners and specialist nurses are able to talk to you about our other support services too which you may also find helpful, such as ‘peer support’ whereby you are put in touch with someone, by telephone, of a similar age and diagnosis to you. To find out more details please look under ‘Support for you’ at the top of this page. Our helpline number is 0808 800 6000 and it is open Monday to Friday 9am-5pm and Saturday 9am-2pm.
Best wishes
Lucy
Moderator
Breast Cancer Care

Hi Claire

What is it with Mums?

When I cam out of hospital my Mum put a thankyou in her local paper, thanking staff at hospital etc and saying I was now at home recovering. Not me thanking, her thanking on behalf of daughter, It was a double column and two inches long. She got loads of phone calls. Nothing like coming out is there.

Having said that I’ve posted here and mentioned my daughter so we’re none of us perfect.

If you want a laugh here goes.

When I went in for my op mast/tram recon, I met with two other ladies who were having breast surgery. We decided to go for a toddle so complete with hospital long white socks and pump bag affairs holding drains we set off. We must have looked comical. I got tired on the last corridor so we sat down. 2 porters appeared pushing a trolley so we stuck oue legs out and raised our thumbs. We soon stopped when we realised it was a coffin they were pushing. We blamed the residual anesthetic, wonderful behaviour from moi aged 56 and others 63 and 67.

Hope all goes well and although it’s a miserable time you will meet wnderful, people and it will not all be sad. Coffin brought it home to us WE’RE STILL HERE

Good luck

Marilyn x

Thank you everyone for your kind and understanding words.

Mum just phoned and asked if i would go and get her some milk for a cuppa… thats getting 2 little ones ready and going out in the rain to get it for her when she has a car outside the house lolololol…oh HUM!!!.. but i will go like i do.

Jan… Im getting the milk ducts removed. Pre op is next week and op is week later. Keep thinking iv not got anything wrong as iv not lump or anything but as gp explained, they wouldnt just do an op for the fun of it and if there wasnt anything there ( that was when i ask if she thought they had made a mistake… well was a long shot asking). Hopfully it can all be removed there and then and hasnt gone further.

Christay … Sounds a good idea to me as dont really like to bubble on my own lol

take care ladies
claire xx

Marilyn lololol

Bet thats the last time you tried to flag a lift from anyone.

claire xxx

My aunt, who lives next door to me, has been very similar to the mums above. She has revelled in telling people and getting sympathy - on my behalf! She came to the hospital with me when I was dx. We came out of the hospital into her car. Her phone rang - it was her business partner. She said I hope you don’t mind if I tell him as she answered and it became clear when she spoke to him she had already told him I was waiting to hear.

I don’t mind people knowing as I believe we should be open but I would like to be the one who decides!

Sharon x

I wonder why some people are like this… my mums fav place is an A&E dept so she can see everyone ill… very weired woman if i do say so myself. When i went up to hospital with my mum in her car (mine was in garage) i came out shaking like a leaf and in a daze with what they told me, she made me drive all the way home as she said she couldnt drive as it had upset her… beat that one on selfish!!

Well just been for her milk and went in and told her she should of went for her own milk as iv had to drag the kids out in the rain for her… she just laughed… not laughing now tho as iv just walked out leaving the 2 horrors there wrecking her house while iv come home to hoover lol, that will teach her.

Im with you sharon about people knowing and i also think we should have the say on who knows and when.

claire xx

Hi Everyone

I thought it was just me that had a “weird mum” so I don’t feel so guilty in moaning about her now. When it was suggested that I have an oophorectomy (on stopping zoladex after two years my ovaries decided to wake up) I thought this was the right thing to do, precautionary surgery so as to enable me to start Arimidex, my mum had a field day. Told everyone my cancer had spread to my ovaries and hence the surgery. Even though I had explained many times it was only precautionary mum just wanted to make more of it than it was. I have now kind of accepted that this is what my mum does - IT MIGHT BE FUN TO PUT ALL OUR MUMS IN THE SAME ROOM TO SEE WHO COMES OUT ON TOPS OF THE EXAGGERATING STAKES!!! Talk about oneupmanship.

Speak to you all soon.

Love Jan

Did that last bit sound rude, so sorry, I meant of course our mums outdoing each other, not any of us. I do have a habit of putting both my feet in at once, my son is always telling me “mum, that sounded dreadful, you said it completely wrong”.

Love Jan

No No NO Jan that didnt sound rude.
I can put my last penny on it that my mum would win lol.
Like my hubby said the other day, she has got me dead and buried. Put it this way she hasnt moved in to her new house yet and wont have me down to her old one incase anyone sees me cos she has told that many people that i am so ill i cant look after my kids or hubby so she has to drive all the way up to me every day to do all my cleaning and cooking.
Its very far from the truth as i feel that well that iv got plans in having my op on the thursday and returning to work the next Monday… deep down i know i wont be but hey i can dream lol.

Anyway my mother wins the cup for the BIGGEST FIBBER lol

claire xx

…just been reading your threads…i thought my nan was the winner of the biggest bull-sh*tter award!!!
xx
claudia

Can I join the exaggerating, ‘it’s all about me’ mum club?
I banned my mum from visiting me in the hospital as I would not have been able to cope. This resulted from how she misbehaved when I was in hospital before, talking to all and sundry who would listen about her ailments and demanding that my husband took her home via Sainsbury’s- like he had nothing else to do with 2 kids in tow!

Hi all

Goodness I was thinking about all these posts last night and began to wonder how on earth we are all so normal and not selfish and seemingly uncaring like our mums. What a giggle it has been though reading all these posts, I often wonder how my mum survives without taking a breath, she is so intense on getting her words out that she talks quicker and quicker and louder by the minute, noone else can get a word across. Don’t do it too often but when mum rings me I get my hubby to go and ring the doorbell so can I say “sorry mum, someone’s at the door, have to go”.
Try it and see if it works for all of you!!! :slight_smile:

Love Jan

Hi Claire,

Sorry you are feeling so low but I’m sure like me you will feel a lot better once you have actually had the operation ( don’t worry you will get plenty of attention then they will be flooding around you ) and not your Mum Ha Ha.

Don’t worry too much about the operation It really isn’t as bad as you might think. I remember three of us like the lady above all in for the same thing were in a ward together and we just laughed from the minute that we came round from the surgery to when we went home and we have all kept in touch it’s really nice to have people around you who are going through the same thing. They had to shut the side ward door at twelve o’clock as we were making too much noise. Hope your experience will be the same.
I too think your hubby is just so worried trying to conceal his emotions it’s just his way of dealing with it.

You will get through this we all have so take care and good luck for the future

Love JanW

Thank you JanW.

Im not sure its what they are going to do or about putting me under that im so worried about but its got to be done so i have to be brave.
My mum is having kids the day of the op so at least i will have a good few hours peace from her even if im sore lol. Thing is my phone bill will be sky high with her phoning everyone for sympathy while she is waiting to hear from hubby.

How are you feeling now?

claire xx

Oh ladies,

reading all your posts has really made me chuckle!! Your mums sound sooooo funny, I just wish I could chip in my ten pence worth but don’t have any such stories I’m afraid. Mind you, after reading your posts I reckon that thats not necessarily a bad thing!!

Marilyn - loved your tale of inadevertantly trying to flag down a coffin! You just couldn’t write it!!

Ladies havin ops shortly - I know its easy for me to say but it really will be ok and you’ll be recovering in no time, wondering what all the fuss was about no doubt! I had a right mastectomy and total axillary clearance in Mar, age 34, and I don’t mind telling you I was shi*ting myself! I really needn’t have worried though as I made a very speedy recovery and the whole experience was nowhere near as scary as I had allowed myself to imagine it would be. I really hope you have similar experiences.

Top tip - if you haven’t done so already then be sure to order the ‘exercises after breast surgery’ booklet from this site and take it in with you. I found it complemented the exercises the physio gave me nicely.

Take care all and keep those funny stories comin!!

Kelly
-x-

good evening ladies!!!

Well it was nice to come home to such a funny thread!!

For those of you that have read my threads you will know all too well my um is just as bad and last night after missing the connecting train I had to ask her to pick us up from the station and had to listen to 1/2 hour of how she cant sleep and that she told her neighbours as they were having a party and it disturbed her …they duly cancelled their party as the poor neighbour has her daughter terminally ill…thanks mum

this will make you laugh stuck deep on the underground last night Thomas my 5 yr old declares he needs a wee…station toilets shut and we need the next tube as last 2 were cancelled and we were getting late to meet our train(which we did miss in the end thus missing local train at other end) so hubby goes well there’s a beer can on the floor aim in that …good shot he filled it …then as we boarded the train along came a tramp and picked it up…no it’s ok I shouted it’s got wee in it and everyone turned and looked shocked! ahhh well couldn’t let him drink it!

By the way what insults me most is my mum lives in my house!! we bought it 4 years ago as an investment and after a year she was moving job and we agreed to let her and her then boyfriend for a short time so she could leave her job accommodation any way he then left her and she has been on depressants ever since and works part time as she cant do any more and therefore only just covers the interest on the mortgage on it!

Anyway I had a good time being me in London and it was nice to be away with the kids and be normal!

Husband is starting to get me down tho he turns from a crazy grumpy shouting monster and then next he was all loving and nice …wonder if it is the stress of it all but I don’t like being shouted at in the street and the poor kids he was so strict with them that they couldnt breath …but on the last day he was nice …so I hope it all settles now!!

Anyway must go and do the washing …catch you all soon

sending you all a big hug!!!

Claire I hope your feeling better!!! xxxxxxxxxxx

Hi louby,

It never fails to amaze me that we can feel soooo isolated and almost believe that no-one has ever felt the way we do and no-one has ever had the same experience etc. etc. and then we come here and… guess what? textbook, bog standard WE ARE NOT ALONE!

My other half, known for being laid back has also turned into a raving monster today. He did the decent thing and went off in a huff but came back a couple of hours later, calm and apologetic. It must be the stress. They are definitely a different species but I suppose they feel the stress, don’t know how to handle it and eventually it gets to them. Martians like to be able to fix things and when they can’t… well it must be frustrating for them too.

And the number of people with hilarious, (though not when it’s happening; just reading about it afterwards), mothers from hell! Well, ladies, you may each have thought you were the only one but obviously not! I’m very lucky not to joint that particular club; my Mum’s amazing!

I’m off on holiday shortly. We’re going up to Whitley Bay for a week and it should be a good break. Naturally, I’ll be signing in when I get back.

Everyone here will stay in my thoughts and prayers while I’m away.

Lots and lots of buckets of love and lots of hugs; roll up, roll up; they’re all free!

beano xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx