just needing to tell you lovely people how i feel

Hi everyone…well! …feeling that I should be really really happy(and I am)after post op appt revealed that only one of 18 nodes removed was cancerous and lump removed, op successful see you in a year.It hasn’t really sunk in yet I think, after all the appointments, scans etc.I still have to wait for the results of my removed kidney…I also had cancer in that which apparently was bad and they removed it at the same time as lumpectomy.All.through treatment I’ve surprised myself at remaining positive…at least most of the time and certainly outwardly.People have remarked on it and sent loads of good wishes and encouragement on Facebook.Think this has really helped…almost surprising people at how well I’ve coped and so the determination got me through.Now three weeks post op and recovering from both ops I just feel a bit mah!sounds like I was attention seeking but just feel as treatment done except rads I have no reason to feel moany.Except I do! Of course I’m so glad of a positive outcome, its wonderful but now feel I need to keep silent about all the side and after effects of the treatment…almost like I had the flu or my tonsils out or something and I’ll heal in a couple of weeks and be back to normal.on hormone blockers which make me tired and have.muscle aches.even my daughter who’s been fantastic when I told her people really suffer on these tablets said that they’re being wooses.People don’t really get it.just think everyone’s going to get fed up after a while when I’m not doing all the things I was before…going out till late, out shopping with family etc.I don’t think I need counselling or hope course…it’s not me really and think it will make me feel worse.great of it works for people though.my best friend gets it but have to face losing her as her cancer is terminal…she wasn’t expected to be here this Christmas so happy she is.sorry to moan…I’m sure things ease with time, it will just be learning to live now with burning mouth syndrome, fatigue, creacking joints etc.thanks for listening :slight_smile: x

Treeze,pleasedo not be so hard on yourself as youn have had a really tough time.

I, too am finding it hard and paniking about every ache thinking oh it has spread etc.

This weekend I thought long and hard about everything and I am going to settle with the anxiety as best I can.

I havethe oncologist on Wednesday and will ask as much as I can then.

It has been avery dark time but all being well we will look back with amazement at how well we all did.

Take good care and be good to you and yours.xxx

Hello Treeze, there’s always someone listening here. :catvery-happy: Just because you’ve finished ‘active’ treatment, doesn’t mean that you have to be a bouncing bunny every day!  I’m over a year on, and still have good and bad days, but the people on here are terrific and understand everything.  You need to be kind to yourself - & so does everyone around you!  There’s a very good information booklet from Peter Harvey - ‘After Treatment finishes , then what?’, if you search on the web, also lots of info booklets on here - & which your family could read too.  Sending hugs and good wishes, and keep coming to this forum!! xxx

Hello Treeze, 

I completely understand what you are saying, and it’s so hard when people say things which aren’t helpful. They can’t understand what you have gone through and think they are being encouraging but it’s just words to them, however well they mean it.

I think that many of us feel the same emotions you are feeling at the end of treatment - it sort of hits you -what you have been through and you feel kind of lost and afraid. I suppose we all have to process what has happened and it isn’t easy, but I’m sure it will get better and we will be able to enjoy our lives without always worrying about it. 

I try to keep occupied and busy, and to do something I enjoy everyday, and not put pressure on myself. Before I was diagnosed I always thought of others before myself, and now I’m trying to think of myself more. I hope you feel happier very soon.  Sending you a hug xx Lily

Thank you everyone.I realized when I was telling my district nurse about all I did before the cancer and felt suddenly tearful that it’s not helpful to look back but also realized that I’m grieving for my old life and old me.I’ll find a new way though :slight_smile:

Hi Treeze

 

I was just roaming the forum, as you do! When I can across your post. Its exactley how I feel and it was a relief to see that I’m not losing my mind completely. I have my name down for the moving forwards course that my hospital runs and I’m hoping that this will help when I have finished my treatment.

 

This thread is a couple of months old and I hope thet results for your kidney were positive.

 

Em

Hi Em…thank you my results were good.one and a half weeks through my radiotherapy now.Other worries now as my elderly dad is very low and poorly.I’m starting to move on I think…wishing you all the very best.xx

Thank you…I’m just stressing out as it reminds me of my mum all over again.He’s 89 and always been in great health…no medication and still riding his bike! He doesn’t even want to leave the house at the moment…Anyway rads going ok, a bit pink and.tender but not terrible.Kero massaging my numb bits in my arm…hoping to avoid lymphedema.Its going quite quickly and journey not bad at all now I’ve got into it.A different travel co.panion every day…I feel like Peter Kay in car share or James Corden! :slight_smile:

Hi Treeze!

I remember you had a really long journey to the hospital for rads, hope that you don’t have delays at the hospital as well.

This is the last big hurdle, but it takes time to feel back to normal afterwards. I’ve been finished three weeks now, but am still very tired, despite not having had any skin problems at all. And you had the kidney surgery as well as the breast, so you’ve had a lot happen to your body in the last few months.

So take care, put yourself first and give yourself time to recover from all this, we’re none of us superhuman and something like this changes us, and it will take time to process the changes and work out a way of moving forward. 

 

Hugs

xx