Hello Everyone
On Wednesday I was diagnosed with a high grade DCIS. It was an incidental find - they weren’t expecting it. Mum had BC 23 yrs ago and had a MX and being a pessimist, I’ve always thought in terms of ‘when’ not ‘if.’ But on Wed when they mentioned MX it knocked me for six. It was my own fault. I’d thought chemo, hair loss etc but I hadn’t thought MX. It was too extreme. I hadn’t allowed myself to think the unthinkable.
They took more biopsies because they’re unsure the extent of the DCIS but the radiographer said that now she knew I had DCIS, there were other areas she was concerned about. So I’m back waiting…
The only person I’ve told is my boss (female). She has been very understanding and is coming with me next Wed for the results. I know what we all went thru’ with mum and so I’m dreading telling family and friends. I can’t bare to think that I’m the cause of people’s worry and upset.
I keep crying all over the place. I was off work yesterday and today I’ve taken as leave. I’ll be back on Monday by which time I hope I’ve managed to get a grip and stop being a complete wimp. I’m a strong person and I always cope. This time is going to be no exception.
Thank you for taking the time to read this. If you can share any of your positive thoughts with me to help me buck up a bit I’d be really grateful.
Hi
I saw your post and had to respond as you’ve probably been waiting for someone to pick this up - I know I did! It is a horrible shock when you find out you have BC - even if you sort of know yourself that it might be. I have a friend going through exactly the same feelings right now and I do know that she has found it helpful to talk out her fears, especially with me as I have been there, done that! Although I was initially dx 8 years ago I still remember the fear particularly when waiting for results or the actual appointment with the specialist. I hope someone else can come along and offer support as well, I certainly found it helpful with ladies going through the same treatment as me at the same time. Good Luck and hope that you can find the strength to to pick yourself up from this very low time. BTW I found emailing friends and family so much easier than talking to them - it also stopped me repeating myself over and over again.
Nicky x
Hiya - You will be in shock and emotions will be running riot , give yourselve time .xx I was diagnosed in May and have just finished chemo , MX on Thursday .Although the thought of it scares me , the cancer scares me more so it needs to be done . I am getting reconstruction after so the thought of that helps.
Once you have a proper treatment plan and have told ure family u will start to slowly feel better and get on with fighting it. You have been told devastating news which is so hard to take in , i immediately looked out insurance and started throwing stuff out !!! I actually laugh about my actions now. So will you soon.
Your family will cope better than you think , i have 2 kids 18 and 20 who have been really great , husband as well 
They have kept me sane , as has this site . The people on here are a great support so keep talking.
Don’t google as the info is often out of date and i scared myself s***less. Look up on this site or mcmillan etc.
Sending u a cyber cuddle .
Lorna xx
Hi White Daisy
I was like you I logged onto this site just to be able to talk to someone who understood how I was feeling. I have only been diagnosed for a few weeks and am still coming to terms with it. What the other ladies say is right, you will be in shock and all over the place but once you get a plan in place you will start to settle down.
This site is a fantastic place for support and sensible information.
I have Mx on thursday the same as Lorna and she is right, I am scared stiff but more scared of the cancer so there is no choice about it.
Sending you a massive hug. M
Thank you so much for the hugs, advice and kindness. They mean so much to me. I will get there… x
Hi White Daisy
Nearly everybody hear knows how you feel. I went into work the day after I was diagnosed as the closest person I knew who’d gone through this was one of the girls at work and she was the best one to speak to. She had gone through how to drip feed the news. I mostly held it together knowing I could send her an email (she works 10 feet away) and we’d leave the office and she’d give me a bit of a pep talk. I wish everybody going through this had somebody like her.
If you’ve got an understanding boss that is great. Don’t worry too much about burdening your family and friends, you need to worry more about your own feelings at the moment.
I was actually ‘strongly’ recommended a double mastectomy cos I had 2 maybe 3 areas of lobular, and remember just thinking the word ‘mutilated’. I don’t know much about your kind so my decision to go against the recommendation is irrelevant to you, but In the end I didn’t have the Mxs because I found out I had clear nodes so felt OK with WLEs, although still against the advice given. Only thing I can say here is most people seem to report its never as bad as they anticipate.
My friend at work was great - she did the telling people as and when they needed to know, and saying not to mention it unless I did. Maybe your boss could do this if you work with a lot of people. I knew I couldn’t handle people coming up and saying how sorry they were to hear. I hated being the pitied person for a while, but in the end they were all great about it. I was in and out of work or surgery and rads and am now back and managing to forget about it most days.
I had a lot of investigating too, quite a few biopsies, MRIs and ultrasounds and got into quite a state at that stage waiting for results. It took 3 months between first diagnosis and surgery, so hope yours is a lot quicker than this. Its all a bit mindblowing (and not in a good way) at the stage you’re at. But I have to say I’m now about 10 months down the line, back at work, going my holidays just like before. Sisters say they sometimes forget I’ve ‘had’ cancer - I am still not sure I’m ready to think of it in the past tense just yet, but I will soon.
There will always be a wee bit of a black cloud but other than that I’m doing just fine. Hope this helps you buck up, if not, time will for sure.
Take great care
S
X
Hello Sheil
Thank you for sharing your story. Your idea about asking my boss to tell colleagues is a good one. I will do it.
I feel a bit better after telling another person, almost unintentionally. A retired gentleman who is a friend of my next door neighbour occasionally helps me in the garden. We are in the middle of making raised beds and I told him I wanted to try and get it finished as soon as we could as I had to have an operation and I wouldn’t be able to lift things heavy. He asked me what it was and I found myself telling him. And I did so without crying too.
At one point he said forcefully, ‘you’re not going to die.’ I know neither he nor anyone else knows that but just to hear someone say it really helped.
All the other women’s stories on this forum have really helped me too.
I’ve had a plaque on my garden fence for years which has suddenly taken on more significance. It says ‘To plant a garden is to believe in tomorrow.’ Just to let you all know, I will be outside tomorrow barrowing two and a half tons of top soil for my new raised beds. x
HI White Daisy
So sorry you’ve found yourself here. Yes you’re right, we’ve all been through that terrible stage of diagnosis and disbelief. I had an MX in July and I’m waiting for chemo, it’s been delayed because of seromas and infections. Then I’ll have radiotherapy.
I too had a very understanding boss - it helps that she’s one of my very good friends. I left work early one Friday and she sent around an email letting everyone I work with know what was going on. Over the weekend I phoned the small group that I personally manage It felt weird going in on the Monday knowing that everyone knew, but it was better than having to tell everyone myself.
But I’ve found the telling people a really hard bit. Coping with their reactions while you’re still trying to cope with your own is quite tiring! Another friend volunteered to tell a group of friends that we knew, and I asked another friend to tell another group of friends. So in the end I delegated some of the telling to friends and family. That took quite a lot of the pressure off. But there are still a couple of people that I felt I had to tell and I’ve never quite got round to it!
From the start of the treatment I’ve been told by the surgeons and the oncologist that I’m not going to die - even though my tumour was HUGE and Grade 3…and you have to hold onto that. In fact every now and then I get a slight panicky feeling when I think, well it was Grade 3, it may very well come back, and perhaps I’m just being silly to try to ignore what might be reality. But it works for me!..well most of the time anyway. You can’t go about being miserable all the time - you’d drive yourself nuts. So I applaud the barrowing of topsoil, and I look forward to recovering enough from the last trip to hospital to sort out my own small garden - it’s looking very sorry for itself.
I do hope it all goes well for you,
Alison xx
Hi White Daisy
Some people don’t seem to like it when others who don’t know say things like your neighbour. I was ‘addicted’ to that kind of thing at the beginning. Cousin kept saying ‘you’ll be fine’ and it was just what I needed. I remember though breaking down at the hairdressers at the early stages, I kept thinking this could be my last hairdo for months, thinking I’d have chemo, turned out I didn’t, but hairdressers mother had BC and she was ‘just fine’ so made me feel better too.
I want a plaque like yours for my garden too. I remember knowing I’d be alright when I got back into planting seeds. My tomatoes were a bit late this year, but not too.
Alison - I wish I had doctors like yours. Despite mine being early, clear nodes, my doctors gave me the grave look. Even at the beginning I begged the radiologist to give me some good news. She grudging said ‘well it was caught on screening’. It was my GP who explained that being ER+ 8 was really quite a good thing, none of them were big, lobular wasn’t any worse than ductal, all those things that you are afraid to ask at that point.
Best go, going out for curry - just like normal people!!
Take care all.
S
Hi White Daisy
I hope you aren’t too sore from all that soil humping and sorry that you have found your way to our group but you are very welcome.
You will get lots of support here and its a great place just to ask questions or rant at life.
So glad that your manager is understanding and supportive.
Keep your chin up and remain positive, love your garden plaque.
BW
Jean x
Hi White Daisy
Sorry to hear your news. Everything you are feeling is normal. I remember now telling people, having them cry and me consoling them! Please dont think of yourself as a wimp for letting it out.
I am a little over a year out now, i had dcis, a lumpectomy and ultimately a uni mastectomy without rads or chemo. Im nearly finished with the reconstruction now, so i guess what i wanted to say is, you can get through this and it does get easier. Sending lots of love and hugs your way xxx
Hi White Daisy
I have just joined this great site and it is so lovely to know that there are so many supportive people out there.
I was diagnosed with DCIS possible invasive and high grade on 11th Nov after 1st mammo and my world just crumbled. I am normally so healthy and never have anything wrong with me and just could not get my head around the whole thing. I had a lumpectomy and nodes last Monday and am waiting for results end this week. This week since the op has been much better than I thought and I have tried to set myself a written weekly plan to get me through. This has worked so well and is increasing my positive side. I am trying to include things that will uplift the physical (e.g. daily walk), mental(read uplifting books and achieve paperwork goals) and social/emotional (talk talk talk!!) parts of my life. I wondered if this sort of thing would help you? I keep the plan with me to refer to and add to.
Take care and keep positive