hello all,
feeling a bit blue about the whole cancer thing today and fancied airing things a bit.
i’m 33 with a beautiful 14 month old son. ive recently finished chemo and i’m due to have a bilateral mastectomy on nov 6th, followed by rads. i had a 2.8cm grade 3 tumour removed by wle in march 09.
mostly i carry on with life as ‘normally’ as i can and thanks to my little boy i can’t sit about and wallow. but today is my mums birthday… i lost her 10 years ago when she was 51 and i’m missing her now more than ever. i’d love to see her with my son and ask her so many little things about being a mum that only mums know…
having lost her when i was 23 makes me realise how special mums are and i don’t want my son to feel how i’m feeling today if breast cancer gets me too.
i’m so so so scared about the future. i went to my friends house last night for a curry with all my mates (all with babies too) and they were all talking about the future with such a carefree attitude and i guess i’m jealous that mine feels tainted by cancer and the enormous void of FEAR and uncertainty that goes with it.
i just wish i could give my mum a huge birthday hug and take her for lunch with her grandson. i hate cancer so so so much.
thanks for listening. a very down, becky
Hi Becky,
sit back close your eyes and slowly ask a question just one the most important one to you at the moment. If you get a feeling no matter how small, that is a mothers love it is in your soul in your being and wont leave you. I hope it gives you comfort.
My youngest daughter is 27 and expecting her first baby I have told her when I am no longer with her I will be in spirit.
You are far too young to have to cope with this disease and I want to send you cyber hugs If you don’t mind.
Carry on as best you can having a new normal life enjoy your curry nights with friends and make your little goals things you want to do with your child you know life is precious your friends have not all learnt that lesson yet.
Take care and I am sure some younger women will be along soon with help and advice.
Love Debsxxx
thankyou debs, sending you hugs too (if you don’t mind either!) i just read your recent news on another thread and i’m so sorry. there really is nothing like a mother’s love is there? it’s so strong and powerful and bigger than i ever imagined possible and it was my mum who taught me how to love. so i thank her for that, and in every way i love my son, i know my mum is with me. xxx
Becky,am so sorry that you are having a hard time of it. When my girls are moaning over some trivial thing it’s “not fair”, too right I tell them,life’s not fair ! And we know that more than most on here. I don’t take things for granted anymore,having a cancer diagnosis just makes me view things differently about what is really important in my life. I lost my Mum when I was 14,and yes I wish she was around but it has shaped who I am and I have brought up my girls to be strong and independent,hmm they are only 12 and 10 but I know if I got run over by a bus tomorrow they would cope better than most. They know how loved they are and they know that they are part of me therefore I will always be there with them whatever happens.
Just like your Mum is part of you and you are part of your son.
Emotionally this is a huge journey we are on and we can’t be expected to be upbeat every day,I hope letting it out on here helps you , you arn’t in this alone,sending you big hugs.
Debs,just want to let you know you are an absolute star,I know you are going through a lot from your other posts and I have always found your posts inspirational,thoughtful,helpfull and full of humour,just wanted to wish you all the best with your treatment too.
Sandra x
Id love a moan too, i Understand that envious feeling (only one in he room thing), i had mastectomy lynph node removal couldnt stand no more than 2 rounds of chemo and started tamoxifen 2 wks ago,
im suffering terrible depression and anxiety to the point of not even going out. And talk about negative, i even think when i buy something like furniture or something for my self, will i be around, and ponder whether to but or not and find im nesting for my family just in case, maybe its obsessive i know but cant seem to get to grips, my dx was march and iv been like it since I still put a lot of it down to the fear and shock of my dx
well thats my moan, hugs to you all,
And i sure do understand there are a lot worse situations out there, not to appear too selfish
hugs
McGill
Hey Becky
Just popped on here from ‘33 and diagnosed’. I’m so sorry you’re having such a hard day. I just wanted you to know that you’re not alone. As you know, my son is 14 months old too, but you may not know that I lost my mum when I was 19. Like you, I find it really hard especially on anniversaries or birthdays, and sometimes you just want a cuddle from your mum. Just know that she is watching over you and your gorgeous baby and keeping you both safe from harm. The BC hasn’t killed us, so it WILL make us stronger, promise!
Sending lots of love. PM any time you want huni.
Shenagh xx
Oh Becky honey, so sorry you’re down when you should be feeling happy to be at the end of your chemo etc. I’m also a bit low at the moment and am feeling quite isolated and alone. I don’t have any children but I did lose my mother to breast cancer when I was just 20 months old, so I never even got to know her. Now I’m sitting here crying like a baby at all the bloody unfairness of this crappy disease. I am also so terrified of the future and of not being around to grow old with my lovely hubby. This shouldn’t be happening to us, dammit. Feel free to air your thoughts and frustrations any time; we’re all here to support you. Sending you love and hugs, Caro xxx
Hi Becky, I am 59 with 2 daughters but no grandchildren. If I could be I would be a substitute Mum for you. The words you express are the words that go round in my head sometimes…about how my girls will cope in the future when I am not around to give them a hug. Your Mum would not want you to be in this position…coping with BC…to be so young with a baby…and wanting her to be near you. My girls were just 7 and 14 when I was diagnosed all thise years ago and I feel fortunate still to be around 29 years later…even though I am in the throws of chemo again and the disease is now progressed to my bones. But I honestly never thought that I had so much time left here with my family. Life is hard at times and there are moments when we think there is no future. But try to take just one day at a time…enjoy your little boy and keep your Mum alive by talking to him about her and how much you love him. Post here anytime, day or night if you need a wee bit of courage to take you through this. Your Mum would be so proud of you. Much love Val (Scottishlass)
Val, I just wanted to say what a lovely post that was. Val was my mum’s name, and she was such a special person - so I think that means that all ladies called Val are. Your two daughters sound very lucky to have a mum like you - can you adopt us all? I am so sorry to hear that the cancer has progressed into your bones. You sound so positive and are an inspiration, so thank you.
Caro, have texted you huni, and we can have an extra special hug when we meet at CP in January.
Love to everyone fighting this horrible disease, and especially those without Mum to help them
Shenagh xxx
thankyou all lovely ladies for your kind words. once again i have been floored by the warmth, kindness, love and support i have recieved from you all on this forum. it means so much that we can share our low days… although it does not change the facts it is still very comforting.
caro and shenagh… you both always seem to answer me when i need it. thankyou.
Val, sandra and debs… your responses were so kind and really helped. in fact they brought me to tears but it was what i needed. i have just spent the last half hour watching my son sleeping soundly in his cot. i am always so proud when i look at him sleeping and feel so much love for the little miracle that my body made. i hope my mum is watching over me in the same way.
thanks again… you are all wonderful and you have no idea how much you have helped me today. sending you all much love. xxxx
Hi Becky,
sorry you’ve been feeling down, it hits us all every now and then and its good to let it out and call for support. You’ve got plenty of it you know, support, we’re all here, we understand and we’ll share the down times and the ups.
Thinking of you loads and loads and sending hugs and positivity.
Al
xxx
Becky, I am so glad that we are all here for each other too. I am just going to go through and check on my sleeping bambino and give him an extra special little cuddle.
We have a lovely little robin that comes and sits on our fence every day since I had him, and I like to think that it’s my Mum watching over us even closer.
Lots of love
Shenagh xx