Keeping going

I had primary bc, mastectomy + radiotherapy & tamoxifen in 2005. In 2007 had a small local recurrence and further surgery, followed by scans which showed mets in spine and ribs. I didn’t really understand the implications of this until I looked it up in a book in the library and then thought ‘Oh, hell…’ However 3 years on here I am, slightly surprised after some of the things I have read after googling ‘spinal metastases’ (which I don’t recommend doing!). I feel mainly pretty good even though there has been further spread and I have had more radiotherapy and several changes of drugs. Now on Megace, which makes you put weight on, much to my annoyance but my onc said ‘It’s controlling the disease, which is more important?’ and I can’t argue with that. However I keep telling myself I am very lucky, on the following counts: I am lucky to be having this in my 70s (though I value my old age, if I was much younger with young children I know I would find it harder); I am lucky to be having it in this day and age when treatments and management have improved so much; I am lucky it’s (so far) ‘only’ in my bones which seems to be reasonably manageable. Having bc hasn’t been an entirely negative experience, either - I’ve had 5 very good years with it – it made me concentrate on getting really fit again for the first time in years, which was a great feeling; it led me to take up things I’d never have thought of trying which I now really enjoy (e.g. pilates, tai chi); I’ve tried on lots of totally unsuitable clothes in shops for the sheer novelty of being able to get into them! I’ve climbed to the top of Vesuvius (might have done that anyway). Nevertheless, in spite of feeling mainly OK and leading a busy life I can’t get cancer out of my mind. I keep very busy to try and block it out on the ‘moving target’ principle, but I think it just makes me extra-tired. I don’t know what the future holds and some of it may not be very nice, and like everyone I dread finding it has spread to another organ and get jittery before every hospital appointment, especially as he keeps threatening chemo as the next step, but I keep going. Sorry this is so long!First time I’ve posted.

massive hug burney, sorry to hear your thoughts, you have beaten it before and will cope with it again,

always here to support. xxx

It sounds to me as if you are coping brilliantly Burney. I wonder if we ever get to a point where we don’t worry about cancer? I doubt it really. When I was diagnosed my BC nurse told me that having BC was a life changing experience and that in future I would fear every new every ache & pain.
But isn’t it great that there are positive outcomes from being diagnosed? I didn’t ever dream i’d say that a year ago, almost to the day, when I was diagnosed and felt as if my world had fallen apart.
It has certainly given me a new perspective on life, I no longer worry about trivia, spend as much time as possible with my wonderful friends and family and value every day.
Sending you a big hug and hope that long may you continue to live such an active, enjoyable and fulfilling life x

Thankyou Lella and Poppy 333 for your good wishes,I hope the two of you keep well. BC is as you say a life-changing experience and we all have to find our own ways of getting through it. Being ridiculously busy seems to be one of mine! I’m lucky that my husband and my son and daughter have all been really supportive and when I hear some women say their families can’t or won’t discuss it I think that’s really tough. You don’t want to depress them by going on endlessly, but you do need to be able to talk. My daughter lost her husband to cancer last year and all through it (and since) we talked openly. It does make a difference.