Kids dont understand!!!

I wonder how many of you have older kids who dont seem to understand the seriousness or long term affects of BC and Surgery and Treatment on us.
I was moving my daughter from university accom into her apartment lifting heavy bags etc. I had also gone back to a very heavy nursery job in the weeks before this.
I commented that i didnt think i could lift anymore as my arm was so sore and under it. She just didnt understand. Raised eyebrows.
Her friends dad has had a hip replacement and waiting for another one got loads of sympathy.
My daughter said to me oh well he has had surgery and is wating for more.

I just didnt reply but felt so sad they dont understand this BC journey.
I have had surgery a breast removed and chemo and am on tamoxifen and living in fear.

Anyone else relate to this???
My own mum died of Bc i was so understanding to her but i dont find the same understanding in my own kids.

Rx

R

I belive that she needs to be aware of how serious this illness is and that you do have to take care for EVER.

I have a good leaflet on lymphodema stating that you shouldn’t carry anything heavy and that the arm needs to rest etc etc.It may be a good idea if you could get something like this and let her read it. Explain that if you abuse your condition you could end up wearing a sleeve for the rest of your life. I have 2 girls 24 and 25 so they are older than yours and it really hit home when the youngest met someone with a sleeve and I explained why she was wearing it and that there is no cure for lymphodema - since then she has become perhaps a bit too over protective - hope this helps

Dear R
I am wondering whether your daughter is just really scared, you lost your mum…her grandmother. Maybe she is scared to admit it, and doesnt really know how to tell you. SHE MAY FEAR SHE WILL UPSET YOU. She must know how much you greived when you lost your mum to bc.
Can you get her to have a good chat one to one. She must of thought at sometime that if you and your mum have breast cancer will she get it.
She is probably frightened her self for her future. she probably resents what has happened to you and it has manifested itself in frustration. I am sure she loves you immensly. She is starting a new chapter of her life going to uni… maybe she is worried about not being with you. Or as you say maybe she just doesnt understand what you have gone through so far. I remeber being in my early twenties and my mum and dad separated… I look back and think now I was so busy with my life i didint support my mum, but I did not realise it at the time.
My two boys are only 9 and 11 but they can be selfish and only a few days ago I flipped and yelled at them that how could be so selfish when i was feelng sooo poorly from chemo 7 out of 8 and struggling with fatigue badly, and having to move house and they were just continually fighting and sxcreaming at each other, i am afraid I blew a gasket at them. It made my elsdest cry. The following morning, he kept hugging me and told me he was sorry for upsetting me. even my youngest bought me a cup of tea in bed and a big hug and kiss.
How guilty did I feel, but just because I am their mum I shouldnt be expected to jsut struggle on without some thought from them.
Kids really do think that mum is invincible, we also try to keep up a front, so as not to worry them. Maybe she just doe not realise what you have gone through.#
Initiate a ‘chat’ maybe, get her to open up. Maybe that will help? I hope.
Take care of yourself.
Becks.

Hi Liverbird and Becks, I think that the older the kids are the harder it is for them. If they talk about it, they have to acknowledge it. Its easier to pretend its not happening. It maybe too painful to face the reality of it, as well as the fact that life really is about THEM at that age.
I have 4 kids 8,13,15,17. The younger 2 are much better at expressing thier feelings. I dont worry about them half as much, my youngest actually talks about me dying and my now 13 year old cried alot after my mets brain tumor. The oldest one wants to get a tattoo with “Mum forever fighting” on it!!! Thats about as much as we have touched on the subject.Becks, your house sounds alot like mine with boys fighting! It really is so hard when you feel so revolting on chemo, but believe it or not, you do start to feel better eventually? and your hair does grow again! Take care both of you! Love Suzy