lacking motivation
lacking motivation Hi everyone - hope you’re all ok - I just need to sound off today - is there anyone else out there who like me post bc and the full mashings of treatment are completely demotivated with their working life.
I have always been very pro-enthusiastic about my work (I work in finance at a gp surgery) but since my return to work in March this year I just can’t seem to muster up the same enthusiasm. I just want to be at home, doing nice normal things like cleaning the floors and putting the dishwasher on. I have 2 teenage boys who lets say could boil an egg if I really pushed them!!!. - why can’t I get back the enthusiasm I once had. Will I feel like this forever - what’s wrong with me - I’ve had my annual check - everything’s fine (still on Herceptin till March 07 tho) and I just don’t like the feeling I’ve got of wanting to be at home on my own just milling about my house.
Help anyone feeling the same
Clemy X
Clemy your body is exhausted from all it’s suffered whilst clearing out ca cells. You’ll just have to be kind to yourself and for speediest recovery, listen to what your body wants and do as it says wherever poss. Eat well, use vit supplements and don’t reproach yourself. Best wishes, dilly
Me too! Hi Clemy
I am so glad to read your post as I was starting to think I was alone with this lethargic type feeling with regards to work.
I finished all treatment in July and since then have been feeling quite happy pootling about the home - tidying, cleaning, cooking etc. I used to love my job as a project manager and have always given 150%, but I am now struggling to give 100% let alone 150%. I don’t think in the same way either, so I think that may have something to do with it.
I can totally understand where you are and I, too, am wondering if I will ever feel the same way again. I love being at home and would love to give up my job tomorrow (but I can’t right now - mortgage etc!!!).
Let’s hope it will get better when we have had more time on the recovery path.
Wishing you all the best.
Fi
X
thanks Hi Fi
Many thanks for your message - its good to know I’m not alone - like you I hope it will pass but right at this moment it seems to be lasting forever - keep me posted
Clemy x
thanks Clemy You have all made me feel so much better, thanks. I had a mastectomy and recon in March 05, then radio and went back to work in Sept but struggled massively…have always given 150% and really wanted to feel “normal” again and forget everything that had happened. I had a prophylactic mastectomy 10 weeks ago and am really lethargic and often tearful. I keep thinking I will wake up one morning bored and desparate to get back to work but it hasn’t happened yet. I told work I would be off about 8 weeks and they are being great and not expecting me bakc till after Christmas now. I just hope I will be fit by then.
I have always worked full time and got bored really quickly at home but am really happy just pottering about now walking the dog, shoppping and cooking etc.
I feel like such a wimp. I don’t think I will ever feel the same again…but then why should that surprise me? I feel like I am in limbo, not who I was but nor knowing who I am yet…does that sound daft? I junst don’t feel like I did…what’s that all about? Would be good to hear from soemone who has felt like this then felt better again. wouldn’t it…
just the same I read with interest your post and you made me feel normal!!! when first diagnosed a year ago i can remember feeling upset about having to have time off work, I didnt want to be at home all day, it scared me to death. I have just returned to work after having ovaries out and in total i have not worked many weeks this last year. Everything has changed- i just want to be at home moodling around doing what i want when i want. I have gone back in a part time role, but find myself looking at the clock wanting to get out as soon as possible. I cant believe how Ive changed and am seriously thinking of taking a Gap year! By friday im exhausted and not fit for anything. Keep trying to think positve and get on with life but most of the time i just want peace!!!
Definately lacking motivation Hi there
I was diagnosed with breast cancer in October last year. I underwent a lumpectomy and lymph node removal in November and started Chemo in January. This finished in July and I went on to have Radiotherapy in August - September. I’m currently taking Tamoxifen and started a years course of Herceptin last month.
I have always had office management positions. Worked my butt off putting far more hours in than I should have which in the end resulted in my marriage breakup and two weeks later a breast cancer diagnosis.
I started back in an office job (totally stress free) at the end of September after I finished my radiotherapy. Each day is a struggle. I work because I have to pay the mortgage. If I didn’t have to, I would welcome being at home doing normal things. I would not be saying this 13 months ago but now its all changed.
I feel tired, low at times and just want to stay at home and enjoy my own company.
I’ve started doing the lottery - so fingers crossed eh!!
Sandra
xx
Lack of motivation Hi
I was heartened to read all of your postings on lack of motivation. Like you all I loved my job working as a senior lecturer in a university. I have been away from work since June having biopsies, lymph node removal, finally mastectomy with imm. L/D recon, in August.
I felt great afterwards but gradually over the weeks I have felt increasingly worse. Pain in my back prevents me from driving too far, so returning to work has not been possible.
I keep waiting for the boredom to set in but I can honestly say I would be quite happy staying home, baking, knitting seeing my grandchildren. I never thought I would feel like this. I’m 59 next week and could retire next December. Pension wouldn’t be that great though! I just get so tired so easily and the thought of returning to work sometimes feel like a huge dark cloud hanging over me.
I have just started doind some work from home and hope this will spur me on to take more interest in my job again. I have made the decision not to return to full-time work whatever happens.
I’ve arranged an interest only mortgage which has reduced my monthly outgoings considerably. Won’t need a cleaner and won’t buy convenience food - consequently will save quite a bit.
Having BC has been a wake up call and I would consider moving to a less expensive property if needs be rather than be stressed and unhappy.
Best Wishes to everyone, and thanks for your postings, I feel more normal now.
Linda
thanks to you all I’m so glad I posted that thread last week!! all your comments have been really helpful - I know I’m not alone now and there’s nothing else wrong with me!!!
How hard is it though when the rest of the world around you have returned to their ‘normal’ and we can’t ever get there again.
My husband was fantastic whilst i was ‘ill’ but I can’t really talk to him now i’m ‘better’ and this is leading me to feel resentful - I know I must sit him down and let him know how I’m feeling but I thing he’ll just say - think yourself lucky!! - I do honestly but its so hard getting up for work each day when all i want to do is be at home
How long will these feelings last and will we ever get over them???
Not sure
Keep posting - great to hear from you all
Clemy X
I needed this Hi Clemy and all the others posting here,
I have just finished rads yesterday and so my treatments are over and now I must get back to ‘normal’. NO NO NO !
The BLACK CLOUD describes exactly how I feel about returning to work in the new year. I need to though as we couldn’t manage without my income.
I mentioned to my husband how I felt and that I would like to stay at home but he said it was just because I am tired after treatment and I’d be well enough by February ( this is when my half pay stops ).
I am so heartened by all your experiences of this lack of motivation as now I know I’m not the only one feeling this way.
It’s not really over, is it.
Love
Ali
Hi Clemy Oh my I can’t believe how wonderful this forum is! I haven’t posted for a few months…thought I’d better ween myself off as I was in here at every opportunity. Then I come on cos I’m struggling and how wonderful it is to know it’s not just you who is struggling.
I’ve just posted on another link about how demotivated I am about work. I have always been so passionate about it and tonight I couldn’t wait to get in, cook, do my washing and sit down with a drink. Normally you had to drag me away from the office. I got all excited about a new project on Friday and then over the weekend I thought (sadly) What’s the point if it’s going to come back. I know we shouldn’t live our lives like that, but that’s exactly how I feel!
Then I feel low about feeling low cos I am usually such a positive person. I feel like I am on a downwards spiral at the moment.
Sonya
Me too Frankly I’m stunned.
Been around this (and the other) forum for a while now but this is the first time I’ve noticed other people commenting on demotivation towards work.
I’m having a few non cancer related problems - one of which is the need to apply for “my” job to be made permanent. The interview is next week!
I thought I was in need of some self esteem. Now I think perhaps it’s motivation that’s required. Most likely it’s both.
But how odd - that we all feel we don’t like the work we enjoyed before.
Is this age related?
Hi All - age related? In reply to morgaine - I am 43 now, so was wondering the same - is the lack of motivation down to age? Perhaps we gave our all before bc and now we are just tired? Perhaps we feel priorities in life have changed as a result of bc?
Would be interesting to see aboutthe ages and others views?
In the meantime, I am off back to reading my book - having one of those wonderful ‘working at home’ days today - amazing what you can get done - washing, ironing etc.
Best wishes to you all - happy pootling around the home…
Love
Fi
X
Morgaine Haven’t been in touch for a while!! We chatted when I had my reconstruction done in April.
Since then I too have been struggling emotionally. Like you I do wonder if its an age thing! Teenagers in the house too! Don’t know if I like my job, and am looking for anew one!
Have been chatting with philemena under ‘Benign breast conditions’ Post michroductomy nipple discharge!! She has had some really positive things to say, and has helped me enormously.
Good to hear from you. Have you had the nipple tatoo? That my next bit!!
Thankyou All Hi
I am so glad I have read this post !! I was dx last December and have spent this yr having a double mastectomy , chemo ,radio and have just started Herceptin.I am 37 yrs old and have worked full time since I was 16.
I am now a director with a million a year turnover business who is absolutely terrified at the prospect of returning to work in the new year.I have to say that I have so enjoyed pottering around my house , cooking , walking the dog etc that I would happily give up work if I could afford to.
I am so glad that it’s not just me who feels this way!
I also feel a bit lost now I’m not at the hospital so often - weird as I was desperate for treatment to finish and now it has i kinda miss it !
Good luck to you all
Love sue x x
Your priorities do change! I would agree with Fi (Aussie) that one of the reasons you lack motivation in work is that work does not have the same importance as before your diagnosis.
I had my surgery 3 years ago and I have now taken sick leave, but only in the last two months. I just wasn’t the same teacher I was before BC.
I was amazed how much my diagnosis was affecting me physically, mentally and emotionally.
It took me a long time to make the decision. I expect I kept thinking I would get ‘back to normal’, but my body was telling me to stop before I had any more health problems.
Making that decision has been quite traumatic for me, as I have been emotionally and physically wrecked since. Hopefully, in time I will settle down,
Take care everyone.
Pollyanna