Last minute nerves!

Hi,
I’ve been on this journey since early summer when I found a lump.

At first I was told it was benign but I was going to work abroad and wanted to get rid of it so I could leave relaxed. That was a good choice as three weeks after my lumpectomy I found out I had DCIS. The initial diagnosis was that I should have a mastectomy as it looked like I had another area of DCIS but I’ve since changed hospital (so I can be with my family) and have loads of confidence in my new Consultant and Nurse. They did a second mammogram and found calcification in both breasts but say it is not DCIS. I wonder if this will haunt me at some point but I’m trying to put it out of my mind and take things in stages.

The surgeon recommends a type of wide local excision first off, and hasn’t ruled out radiotherapy but we haven’t really discussed that yet as she wants to see whether I have a good clear margin first. If I don’t I might have to have a mastectomy - and would probably opt for one unless there is a good case to try further WLE.

So… I was initially very relieved as I was finding it a bit difficult to accept losing a breast, and I still feel that way. (sorry to those readers who have not had a choice or are coming to terms with their choice). But in the back of my mind is a nagging feeling that if I just had one straight off it would save alot of bother, more general anaesthetic, recovery time, radiotherapy, etc.

Today I saw my surgeon and confirmed that I was going to have the WLE next thursday, but this evening I got a call from the hospital saying I could have it on Friday (day after tomorrow) if I liked. Again its a bit confusing to know what I really want. My initial reaction was excitement as it gets the ball rolling and I’ll be back on my feet sooner (or finding out what I need next). I think that’s what I’m going for but I’m a bit worried that I haven’t got my head round it enough, bought the sports bra, taken any arnica yet, etc.

On the other hand I’ve been trying to get a bit more fit recently and don’t want to loose momentum, have been getting more irritable with my family and think that might just get worse if I put things off… so there’s lots of good reasons for biting the bullet - perhaps most of all it will prevent me deliberating!

…and I’d probably have these feelings of second thoughts and not being prepared next week too…?

Presumably if I keep following my gut feelings and what seems to be very carefully considered advice from the medics I wont be too harsh on myself if I end up having a mastectomy anyway, as I’ll feel we’ve tried other options first.

I’ve just read lots of discussion streams where people talk about having multiple ops over years and I suppose thats freaked me a bit.

sorry… don’t really know what I’m asking… think I’m just looking for a bit of late night chat from women who understand.

Sorry you haven’t had a reply yet.
I just want to send hugs and support,its a very difficult time waiting on surgery.If I was you I would take the earlier appt and get it over and done with.I am not sure I would ever have been 100% ready for my mastectomy/recon no matter how long I had.I took my surgeons advice as I trust him but its good to question things and not just go blindly.
Loads of luck for the operation and let us know how you get on,
Hugs
dot
x

Hi Dot,
Thanks for your lovely message. Went in for my preop stuff today and I’m going for it tomorrow. I feel so much better now things are moving forward. I think I was just having a wobble last night. (also seem to have had an awful case of rambling on with a mighty excess of detail - never done a forum before!)

Right now I’m really feeling positive, and totally trusting of my amazing hospital team. Also had lots of good luck messages from friends so I’m feeling lucky again.

I think its just hard sometimes when you don’t know how long this strange journey will take, and what more you will need to get used to round the corner.

its great to know you are also out there with support for me.

tirrickxx

Hi Tirrick

I have had WLE for DCIS and like you, spent days contemplating whether a mastectomy would be best as it would get it done for good. However, I can tell you that I am so pleased tha t I followed the surgeon’s advice and had a WLE instead. Yes, it is hard waiting to see if they get clear margins and thinking that you might have to go through it all again, but losing a breast if it isn’t necessary is very drastic. If you were me, I would go for the early appointment. Get it out of the way and start your recovery.

Best of luck

Cathy

You will probably be there now but I am thinking of you and hope to hear soon how you are,

Love
Dot
x

It’s done! I’m now a week on and much more knowledgeable about the daytime tv schedules!

Thanks very much for your kind words. It all went really really smoothly and I felt very well looked after. The only slight hiccup was my own as I woke bleary eyed in the morning and gulped down a glass of orange juice before realising that it wasn’t exactly clear fluid! That delayed things a bit on the day, but it all went so quickly I was on the ward for less than 24 hours and home before I knew it.

One more week to wait now until I hear whether I have clear margins and I’m glad I went for this option - even if it means more later. I know that I’m still kind of banking on getting clear margins and I might be unlucky, but I’ll just have to deal with that if it happens.

It feels so much better to have started my treatment after what feels like ages. I think the waiting was starting to get me down. And although I’m really tired I don’t feel too sore. Just trying to avoid thinking too much about what might be round the corner. I’m sure I’ll get a bit nervous again as it’s coming up for my appointment, but the best thing is trusting my team. I’m so lucky that way!

I hope you are well and having some fun.
Sorry it took me ages to get back to the Forum, I meant to write straight away but the days have all rolled together in a fast but lazy way.

love,
tirrick

good luck and hope you feel stronger soon. i got a horrible bug after my WLE and was flat out for ages so i was actually too ill to worry about the margins! i wasn’t one of the lucky ones and did have mastectomy in the end, but even now, i wouldn’t have done anything different. i couldn’t have accepted it at first and it gave me time to come to terms with it. two years post, i have a great result, looks like real boob and apart from the scars nobody would know. it was an ordeal, but the treatment always is and there were lots of people to help me. hope the news is good and you get superfit soon!

Hello again,
Just had it confirmed today that I’m needing a mastectomy as they didn’t get clear margins. Bit of a shame (to put it mildly) as everything has healed really well after the op, and I’ve started getting used to how it looks. Feeling ok most of the time but realising i now need to learn alot about the reconstruction options and that seems a bit bewildering. Sounds like I will need all implant or implant plus back muscle and I’m not sure of all the pros and cons. Will find out more next week.

In the meantime want to keep as fit as I can, but the motivation is sometimes lacking.

Hope you are all doing well! Thanks for your encouragement.