Live alone and self isolating - Christmas build-up loneliness

[Scoobie]

Hi everyone

I’m just joining the forum as I think I’ve got to the point where I need some online support. Sorry for the length of this post!

I live alone, have been single for many years and my only family lives abroad. I’ve a good network of friends who have helped me through this journey so far, and will continue to accompany me to appointments etc when I need them, and occasional visits from them but otherwise I have managed it alone. I’ve got a dog and two cats who provide lots of physical comfort at home, and walking the dog does bring me into contact with other dog walking friends when out, two of whom I’ve discovered have been through BC themselves and who have also been really supportive.

My work are being really good too, and in terms of outlook my prognosis is good so I know I am very fortunate in all of this. I had a bilateral mastectomy 8 weeks ago, and have started on herceptin (12 months) and chemo (12 weeks) to be followed up by hormone therapy - I’m HER2 plus oestrogen positive. So far side effects have only been very mild - I’m in cycle 1 at the moment and chemo due to finish by the end of January 2023.

I know I’m normally pretty resilient and forward looking but I’m starting to struggle with the build-up to christmas … my friends all know that with the meds I’m on there is a risk of immuno suppression and with the amount of flu and covid still around, plus all the other bugs and germs, going to busy or crowded events is a risk not worth taking. So I am pretty much self-isolating again (or still as I feel I’ve been doing this since March 2020!!). This means I’m rarely seeing anyone. I’m getting invited to ‘dos’ which is lovely that people think to invite me - but they are forgetting I can’t go! Other than that I feel they are carrying on with going out and about and I’m starting to struggle with not being able to join in and feeling lonely and isolated.

Sorry for being so self centred and sounding sorry for myself! I am doing as best as I can to manage this and not let myself slump into a fug about it. eg I’ve made myself get out with the dog today for a nice walk with views, with a flask and butties, and trying to eat well and increase my self care.

Is anyone else feeling this? This time of year is particularly hard. Thanks all

[adoptedmanc]

Hello @Scoobie  

Welcome to the forum and please let me give you a great big virtual hug  

Wow ? you sound like one amazing lady,  this breast cancer malarkey is bl***y hard: I think we all from time to time try to tell ourselves we are somehow “lucky” because “so & so had this” and “so & so had that” “at least I don’t have to worry about….” BC has taught me a lot of things  one of which it doesn’t matter what other people go through it’s how it affects YOU that matters. 
I’m 12 months out of active treatment and back at work and after all the lockdowns and being poorly I’m finding the world a little different, but then I think that’s probably true for many people for many reasons. I think quite a lot of people have changed their priorities and I’ve heard quite a bit (admittedly anecdotal) talk of how people’s FOMO has subsided: lots of people organising things like Halloween parties, lots of enthusiasm but then “sorry I can’t make it” and that’s just among the younger generations

I’m glad you have a supportive network and it’s completely understandable that you don’t want to put yourself at risk of infection: and you are right there seems to be some horrible infections around especially amongst children (I’ve heard of at least 2 very fit teenage sons being unable to get out of bed for a week) and your caution seems very sensible in the circumstances. I’m wondering however if keeping in mind some of the advice which we were given during the pandemic if you couldn’t perhaps manage some socially distanced contact? Maybe just one or two friends in a well ventilated room? Are there any local BC support groups you could join? I found talking to ladies who have experienced cancer absolutely invaluable 

You are of course very very welcome on the forum and I’m sure lots of ladies will happily engage and chat. We all know how hard this journey is and we are all there for you and each other

Sending you lots of love 

AM xxx