Loneliness

Loneliness

Loneliness Has anyone else found the loneliness of this bc so bad u feel at times that u want to stop treatment and just curl up and die. My chemo which has now been extended to 5 more sessions making a total of 11 feels like its never ending and the side effects seem to get more unbearable as each day passes. Maybe i am a coward as i am so scared of dying of this awful disease but at the same time fighting, as i don’t feel i have the energy anymore to carry on with further chemos. I have never cried as much as i do at the moment, my husband is great after all i have put him through but friends have now forgotten i exist so never hear from anyone and feel guilty ringing them as i know they have busier lives then i do anymore. I have also lost the best friend i ever had by interfering in his private life, so he won’t talk to me or answer my calls. Just feel so useless and hopeless that i probably wouldn’t be missed if i curled up and gave in now. Sorry just having a really bad day.What we all need is a chemo buddy to get us through someone that knows exactly how we feel as no one else does. Sorry xxx

I’m here Please dont ever feel you are alone all of us are here for you holding your hand.If you would like to talk send me a pm on the other site and I will give u my number.I have been in the depths of despair so often but it does get better.11 is alot of chemos but imagine them blasting the horrors out of you so you CAN start again.You have been so brave.Love and cyber hugs horace [Val]

hi Mounties Don’t feel sorry, You would be missed & you are not going anywhere!!
we all have bad days! mine was yesterday.
Sat in the chemo suite ready for treatment & started to cry! they had postponed my treatment from Mon to tue to wed because of the bank holiday although bloods were fine. the worst of it was i had arranged for my children to go to friends over night on Tuesday to give me a bit of rest, but they wouldn’t take that into condideration. it’s bad enough for me to go through this with out them going through it as well. 3 hours i sat there before treatment yesterday, as i watched more people go in before me who i new had appointments after me, getting more & more annoyed, angry & upset. Like you i did think about stopping treatment & just walking out, today i am just so tired, feeling sicky & just want to curl up, is it worth it, yes!
I’m sorry they have extended your chemo, this must be for a valied reason. although if they extended mine i would probably feel the same as you. Ring your friends & don’t feel guilty, they may think that you are to ill to see them or that you don’t want to, it’s amazing how many lunches i have been on on my good weeks.
It’s hard when we feel like you are, but most of us do at some point i think.
just to let you know i’m thinking of you, sending lots of hugs
Love Louise xxx

Oh poor you having 5 more why is that? i felt the same whilst on chemo but now 4 weeks out of it I am starting to feel so much better physically. If I had to have 5 more don’t know how I would feel.I know what you mean about friends. I have a few and they have been brilliant. At first they were round all the time as it was a shock for them as well as me. Although I know they stil care it as if they have now come to terms with my bc and they are geing on with their lives. It can feel awful but this is what seems to happen Even my family seem to have become used to it, and although they will help it is not offered only when I ask. I rarely ask!! Mentally I don’t think I will ever be the same happy go lucky person I was. I too feel that I have to hurry up and do as much as possible now in case I die. It is an awful lonely feeling that no-one who is not that position will understand.Late at night is worst. It is then that I feel most vulnerable. I know I am not going to cope with the… has it come back…fear and know that a lot of people on here live with that forever. Sorry to not be encouraging but do understand a bit of how you feel Hope we cheer up a bit take care hope you feel a bit better tomorrow Love Eileen

Dearest Mounties,
I’m so sorry to hear of your state of depression and fully understand how you feel. I had deep periods of depression where I felt really sorry for myself it was like a viscious circle because I then hated myself, too ,because of my self pity. I even spoke to my onco about it and he said I had a right to feel depressed and to feel sorry for myself too after what I had been through… and he should know he’s the expert !!! So don’t worry it’s quite normal to feel that way and your life is worth a lot so fight to save it. Sometimes we are a bit too sensitive about contacting friends they haven’t forgotten you it just feels that way because you are suffering so much and you feel so alone, just give them a call and don’t feel guilty about it they are your friends and thats what friends are for to be there when you need them and to understand your problems!!
Take care of yourself
xxx
Doreen

Dear mounties If you would like to chat to someone in confidence about how you are feeling and the concerns that you have at the moment, please feel free to contact our helpline on 0808 800 600. The helpline is open Monday to Friday 9am-5pm and Saturday 9am-2pm.

We also provide a support service known as ‘Peer support’ whereby you can be put in touch with someone, by telephone who may have had similar experiences to you. Peer supporters can offer support and an understanding of the emotional and physical effects that a diagnosis of breast cancer and treatments can have. You can find out more about this service via the ‘Support for you’ tab on our homepage or by contacting the helpline.

Kind regards
Forum Host
Breast Cancer Care

Dear Mounties,

I felt really sad reading your post. I can only imagine what it must have been like to have been told you needed 5 extra chemo’s. The night after my first I remember laying in bed crying and thinking that I didn’t’t think that I could do it. I had 8 and that was bad enough. In the end I was surprised how quickly it went tho’ looking back on it, particularly if you have them close together, it seems as if you have just got over one and the next one is due.

Unfortunately other people do become used to the fact that you have cancer and assume that you are dealing with it, sometimes I felt like screaming. “I’ve got CANCER!!”

All I can say is that when it’s over it is a great relief, my surgery seemed a doddle after it ( I had the chem first) Please don’t give up,
or feel bad about having bad days or being frightened of dying. You are only human and you have managed to come this far.

M

Arhhhhhhhh mounties wish i could give you a big hug and a shoulder to cry on.
Everything all the other ladies say i hope you find re-assuring.

You know your such an open honest person who expresses themselves very well on here.
I empathise with you as i am just the same, we are often misunderstood but yet ya know the world needs more of us.
You keep sharing keep being honest keep tellin us how sad you feel.

I dont think we have enough support emotionally throughout this cancer journey, you go for surgery you then have chemo( which messes about with our hormones, emotions and bodies) and they test ya blood they then give you chemo and you bloomin well get on with it, and its terrifying.

I am a year in July since chemo ended and i am still very scared and dont trust my body but am slowly getting back to normal life.

I cry alot often very near tears.

We need to campaign for more emotional support from the medical profession.

Maybe BCC would take this up as they do an excellent work or maybe have a special day just for ‘how to cope emotionally with BC’

Let us know how you are hun.
Ruthxx

Dear Mounties,

You really have had a rough time of things. Please remember, that although it feels like it

YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!! We are all here

LOVE TO YOU
SUSIEXX

Dear Mounties, we are all with you, we are all your friends- and we are all listening…
love and hugs
Josie x

mounties, I was so glad to see you managed to work things out with your husband, I have been concerned about you since you wrote your ‘chemo brain’ post. As to your friends I can only echo what the others have said: they will probably be delighted to hear you feel up to seeing them and I know my friends have loved being able to do things for me (even pop in and make me a cup of tea) as I’ve felt ready. It is weird to think that real life carries on for every one else though, while we’re stuck in limbo like this.
Katie