I was recently diagnosed IDC and am ahving a lumpectomy on April 20th. My biggest struggle right now is having yet more of my feminine attributes cut off/mangled/scarred.
I have already lost my cervix, uterus and ovaries. I also have lichen sclerosis, a very nasty condtion that has caused my clitoris and labia to atrophy - practically vanished altogether by now.
The kicker is that my husband of 30 years decided he is a gay tranvestite, and I feel he has usurped my femininity.
My breasts aren’t that big to begin with. Having one mutilated is just unbearable
Overall I thought I was dealing quite calmly and rationally with the cancer - it’s there, it has to go, thank god for the NHS.
But I had my pre-op assessment yesterday and the nurse was looking through my medications list. “What do you use the Diprosone [a steroid cream] for?”
“I have lichen sclerosis” I replied, promptly burst into tears and couldn’t stop. Came home, climbed into bed and couldn’t even eat last night.
I have asked for an appiintment with the Breast clinic counsellors at the hospital, but have been told this could take at least two weeks.
Has anyone else experienced strong feelings about their feminine image and if so how did you cope?
Dear Alison - you have been through the mill and I am so sorry to hear that you have had this bl**dy breast cancer to deal with as well. You don’t mention how large the IDC is so maybe the size of your breast may not be impacted as much? If the size of the IDC is significant in comparison to your breast maybe you can ask for a mastectomy with reconstruction? I am not saying that is an easy path to navigate as it is a bigger procedure but maybe it will leave your breast size comparable to your existing breast?
I think your emotions are so rocked at the moment that I am not surprised it all came out with the nurse during your appointment. I think you definitely go for that counselling and you might also benefit from some relationship counselling with respect to what has happened with your husband.
It’s easy for me to write this at a distance from where you are but believe me when I say I feel for you and life just sucks f&%ing big time.
You will get through the lumpectomy and any subsequent treatment - lean on your close friends and/or family and take all the help which is offered including from this forum - you will find the most amazing support from the women here. I know it’s helped me every day of my breast cancer journey so far.
I am totally with you on this lost of feminity issue. I too have lost my womb and cervix 8 years ago at the age of 42 (battled with lots of surgeries to keep my bits for 12 years and finally gave in to having them removed) but I kept my ovaries. Phycologically I didn’t feel like a woman anymore as I didn’t have the female bits apart from my boobs. My boobs have probably been the only part of me I liked and to then get BC hit me hard and like you haven’t felt like a woman or feminine.
I had a lumpectomy on 22nd of Feb and now the swelling has gone down somewhat, I can see a slight difference in shape, size and it’s a bit more droopy but not anowhere near as bad as I expected. I am a bra size D/DD and my lump was 17mm plus took 1cm of breast tissue around the tumour to get clear margins if that helps. I am currently waiting to start radiotherapy and the oncologist has told me my boob will shrink a bit. I’ve decided to wait and see how different my boobs are after I’m through treatment and if need be I will have cosmetic surgery to even me out, whether that’s putting some stuffing in the smaller one or reducing the unaffected one. If they remain as they are now I doubt I will do anything.
My advice to you would be to wait and see as the surgeons are really good at moving breast tissue around to even you up. But I do understand that it’s not what you look like to the outside world, it’s how you feel inside. Kerry x