hi,i start my chemo on weds so decided to cut my hair thought i would be ok about it how wrong i was ive not cried so much in along time iam really down now not felt like this since the lose of my son ive tried to get out of this depression but im just getting deeper.when i first found out i had cancer the breast nurses were great i know they have alot to do but i feel abandoned by everyone .im fed up with everyone telling me that i will be fine have they suddely become doctor overnight.i feel that iam dealing with this on my own i got my hubby and he has been great but i feel like a burden to him i really do feel like given up dont feel that this will ever end what with xmas coming up all the money worries just feel like im in a black hole and falling deeper.sorry for moaning just feeling sorry for myself.
Dear Dot
I am sorry to read that you are feeling so low Dot, there is help here for you so that you don’t have to cope with this on your own, please call our helpline this morning for support and information about how you can get more support.
The number is 0808 800 6000 Mon-Fri 9am-5pm and Sat 9am-2pm.
Best wishes
Lucy
Oh dotmac
Please don’t apologise for moaning - heaven knows we all do it - I know I do.
I am so sorry you are feeling down. What you are feeling is not unusual - but you musn’t feel that you have to deal with it on your own. I am sure that your hubby does not see you as a burden - he too will be worrying. You say he has been great - I think you need to speak to him and explain how you feel - he may not be able to put everything right but just talking about it can sometimes put things in perspective.
Do you have a number for your breast nurse - I can obviously only speak from my own experience - but I was on the phone constantly to mine when I was first diagnosed - every time a new question popped ito my head, rather than writing it down for next meeting - I used to just pick up the phone and speak to her - and she was great.
I was exactly the same as you when I was first diagnosed (1st Nov). Felt like I had to cope for everyone else, and that no-one really wanted to discuss it. Following my mastectomy, I soon realised however that if I carried on that way I would not be able to cope myself. Now I find that I talk to all and everyone, whether they want to hear or not!
I have started my chemo now, and again, when I feel like crap I make sure people know - tht way they know when best they can help me - and if anyone offers help they live to regret it - another thing I’ve learnt - if they want to do something for you - let them!
I have my second FEC on wednesday so will be thinking of you going for your first chemo. You don’t say what chemo you are having - I began to lose my hair roughly 16 days after first chemo, and got my hubby to clipper it - it has now almost all gone. It isn’t nice but it is do-able - and it is certainly the weather for big woolly hats and scarves so most people just assume I’m covering up for winter - they have no idea that under the hat I’m almost bald!
Please don’t feel you are alone in this - I know I have spoken with you on other threads, so you will be aware of the support there is on here. I have found it invaluable coming on and ‘talking’ with people who know exactly what I’m going through. Even though my hubby will discuss it - he still can’t possibly fully understand what it’s like.
Good luck to you dotmac, I hope you find someone you can talk to - the treatment is all do-able - not nice sometimes but definitely do-able - the further you get through it, the stronger you get.
Please let us know how your chemo goes
thinking of you
Margaret x
Hello Dotmac
Do not worry I can assure you you are not alone. I recognise everything you are saying about breast cancer. Is there a counselling service at your hospital? I have been having counselling and have found it so helpful. Also can recomend the helpline on this site.
I to get depressed and I think most people will tell you they do from time to time.
Regarding the money I put in a claim for incapacity benefit and get paid every fortnight. You can get details from the jobcentre or online. There may be other benefits you can claim as well.
Love Alison x
Hi everyone,
Just want to repeat the support given to Dotmac You are not alone and you will get through it. I have been up - down and sideways and unfortunately it all came out on Saturday, my first good day since starting out on this crap journey, I was filled with such anger and I am now a dinner set down, but boy did it feel good to get it out. I hope to be stronger and have changed priorities after all of this. I think we all learn different things about ourselves when we go through something like this and can come out of it wiser and stronger. Like margaret I am telling everyone just how I feel from now on when they ask, I am fed up protecting everyone and if they ask they are going to be told whether they like it or not. Then only those genuinely interested will ask - easier all round that way. with regards to money, it will allways be a worry and you will be surprised how little you can live on with adjustments try not to worry too much about anything except getting better, be good to yourself and let the ones who love you help you out - that is a gift you can give to them.
Be sure that you can get support from all the lovely people on this site. Big hug
Mx
hello dotmac
i am so sad you are having such a bad day today and i know it can be a tired old cliche but it will pass and there will be better days. it sounds as if you have had had a horrid time of it prior to dx so i am not surprised you are feeling depressed, don’t feel guilty for feeling down, try to get all your feelings out, shout, scream, throw things…anything to make yourself feel released from all the stress you are holding in. This is tough but there is a light at the end of the tunnel… when i feel like this i remind myself how lucky i am that there are good drugs and treatments out there that will make me better again… i don’t know if you’re a reader but i was recommended a great book by bernie siegel called ‘love medicine and miracles’ - don’t be put off by the title, it isn’t the sugar coated book you’d expect but it really did help me to face up to not just the cancer dx but lots of other things that had been going on in my life in the years prior to diagnosis and now i read it over and over because it always helps to calm me right down and get me back on track…ready to kick out all the rubbish from my life, including cancer, and focus on the all the good that is coming my way. i wish you all the very best and genuinely hope you feel much better soon, wishing you love and light, carrie
Also Dotmac, if you have money worries, call MacMillan, they have grants for people in difficulty with money and can, I’m sure help you.
Just posted the same to Lance on another thread.
Take care and hope things look up for you soon.
Cecelia. x