lost my colours

lost my colours

lost my colours Hi everyone

Have put out SOS under hide and seek, but just wanted some help tonight…feel a failure…had to give up job…tired all the time…crying and lost my way somewhere. Did not think i would feel this way again so soon. Just finished rads and my mind feels like it finished with them. Should not really post under chit chat and fun…just thought someone might cheer me up under this forum and if you are sitting on my yellow colours please send a few over because i could sure do with a few on this dark night…


catch! did you catch that lovely yellow ribbon ive just sent you ? im so sorry you are feeling so down, im also sending you a BIG BIG HUG , do remember you have been through so much in the last few months and although i admire you for trying to get back to work so quickly i feel your body just wasnt ready yet, yes i know you must be feeling so gutted as you wanted so much to get back on track with your life as we all do but take a few days to reflect on just how much inner strenth you really do have after all your the one who really cheered us all up on our cyber trips and you will get back to where you were again i know it ,i really feel for you and want to wish you well .please take care try to spoil yourself for a while and youll soon be the beautiful warm lady that ive come to know ok .much love lynn xx

More Yellow coming over… …more yelow for ou elaine.
please dont beat yourself up about the job elaine…it was quite soon after rads…and you can get another when your more on track…trouble is we all try to prove…wether to ourselves or others that we can do things which really we aren’t ready for yet…like returning to work too soon…I’ve learnt…i went back to work 3 days a week and have since dropped that to 2 1/2 days…don’t mind doing a bit of cover now and again…also when i returned i stood down from deputy manager position.
Our emotions/fears have a nasty way of creeping up on us when we’re least expecting them to…its difficult to be cheerful all the time when your scared/feeling low.

Chin up elaine…think of yourself for a while, enjoy time with callum,

you will feel back on track again …just give it time.

loads of hugs
karen x

give yourself a break! Dont be so hard on yourself-you have been thru so much and you have to allow yourself time to be sad about it all.Its a roller coaster ride this bloody disease.stay here with us and we will help you thru this difficult time-as we have all been there and likley we will all call in again sometime. thinking of you
love sharonx

Hi Elaine I’ve just sent you a BIG, BIG bunch of yellow cyber daffs, straight from my lottie. It’s normal to feel down after treatment finishes and I’m sorry to hear that you’ve had a hard time at work. They’re mean piggies. Treat yourself to a huge mug of chocolate with real grated chocolate and marshmallows in it and anything else you want and surround yourself in my cyber daffs. You deserve it. Here’s a BIG HUGG as well.

Thank you all Just got back been out all day did not want to be alone. Have read all your kind messages and am sitting here sobbing my heart out reading them. You are all so kind to me when you are all suffering one way or another with your problems. Once again thanks…have just put my yellow Jammie’s on so hopefully will dream in colour tonight…will try and find my strength but am struggling desperately at the moment…

Once again thanks


Well hello there

Only you could bring me out of hibernation!

Hope you’ve got your yellow jammies on and are giving yourself massive mirror hugs. Be kind to yourself Elaine, you’ve been on a rough, tiring journey and it’s bound to take it’s toll on you. We all understand how you’re feeling and want to rush straight over with a bottle (or two) of wine and a big soft snuggly blanket. Remember all those months ago when I told you to stand in front of the mirror etc., well get back to it girl! I’ll be right there with you.

Just had my first chemo and am waiting for the hair to drop out - scary. I keep tugging it to see if it’s loose lol. I’ve got 2 wigs lined up and scarves (Nora Batty style) at the ready, but I’ll still be devastated when ‘it’ goes. Apart from that, I’ve been fine, no side effects at all - I keep waiting, but so far, so good.

There are other jobs, maybe now was not the right time, or maybe not the right job. Judging by the past few weeks I think Travel Agent would be more suitable for you - just think, all those exotic locations free of charge - you go girl.

You know where I am if you need me.

Love & mirror hugs

Julie xxx

my poor lamb sorry I wasn’t here for you Elaine, my dad got taken back into hospital so it’s been a hectic few days. He’s out again now so I can devote my time to gathering up lots of hugs and sunshine to send to you.

I’m sorry to hear about your job I know how excited you were but it’s their loss and as the others have said it’s still early days for you yet.

Look out the window, can you see that tiny bit of sun breaking though the rain cloud? That’s us working our way to you.


Valerie x

Thanksssssssssss Thanks to everyone…tried to catch the sun rays but its not worked…well it did for a couple of hours…decided to call and see my grandson and after lots of cuddles and him telling me he loved me so many times i did feel a little better for a while…Then came back here alone and the gremlins were here waiting for me…Spent the other part of the day crying…in the end rang my counsellor up and told her i felt a failure at everything i did…she is seeing me on Monday as an emergency case…maybe they will keep me in as a danger to the public…

Think i need another cybertrip or a drink or three…very small lol…
Will have to ask the moderator to start up a new chat forum for me…somewhere dark where i can snuggle up and not feel scared and sad all the while…this suppose to be chit chat and fun and all i am doing is bringing darkness to the room…Am absolutely shattered, can hardly keep my eyes open…but know if i go to bed as soon as i turn the light off in my room…the main beam will come on in my brain…

Anyway thanks for the yellow thoughts and the mirror hugs (Jez) unfortunately the mirror is a bit fogged up at the moment…maybe tomorrow will be better…


tomorrow hi elaine hope today that you feel better just wanted to wish you well for tomorrows appointment,hope you can resolve some of the feelings that are so getting you down at the moment , best wishes ,lynn xx

hi elaine,
hope your counselling goes well tomorrow…be sure to let out all that your feeling negative about…hope you come away feeling lifted…if only a little…and hope theres some bright yellow sunshine for you tomorrow.

take care
karen x

Hello my friends Arrived back at the hospital to meet my counsellor, it felt really strange as it was where my operation took place…Kinda felt like I had come home somehow…felt safe. Spent the whole hour sobbing and saying what a failure I was, she was very supportive and felt a little better, she made me say over and over again that I was not a failure just experiencing a little hic hup (she must know about my drinking…lol) just feel drained emotionally, be better when I know for definite that I have got my house, can then get moved out of this chicken shed and feel that I have got somewhere permanent to lay my head (The last year has been spent living out of bags and staying with friends)just want somewhere to call home and get back to some sort of normality, time to heal in more ways than one.

Anyway yellow Jammie’s to the rescue and hopefully bright yellow dreams may come my way…

Hope my good buddies out there are all OK, seems a bit quite on the western front…do we all need another cybertrip…where have all the girlie’s gone…gone gone everyone…I hope not…you have all been my reasons for getting up in the morning.

Hope to hear from one of you soon

Love Elainexx

PS Julie…the mirror is clearing a little bit and my arms are twitching for a huggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg.

recovery hello elaine, glad your councelling session went ok it probably did you the world of good just to let out all your angst etc, and as you progress further you will get back on track again .and yes it would be nice to get another cyber trip in.where shall we go this time?at the moment im considering a break away from everthing here curtesy of a local charity,who have very kindly offered to help me pay for some of it is there anything you can do to obtain one? why dont you contact macmillan cancer care and see what they can offer you / even if its only a weekend somewhere it would maybe help you on your recovery. i hope today you are feeling some of the yellow glow being sent your way take care lynn xxps today im excited as my freind who has been a rock to me all through my treatment is due to have her baby so fingers crossed ill be an honourory auntie later on today !!! lynn xx

Thanks once again Hi Lynn

Might ring mac nurse today, thanks for the advice. Where are you hoping to go for your little trip???

A little bit of yellow has appeared today…just been going through some snaps of my grandson…that brightens my day and also coming to the forums and knowing there is someone to talk to helps a lot…

Good luck to your friend today if it happens …well good luck to your both anyway whatever the day may bring…

My very best friend (my rock) has to go to Manchester tonight for a funeral tomorrow of her uncle. So Auntie Elaine has to pick her boys up from school and looks after them, staying the night and taking them to school tomorrow. That means homework tonight…cannot remember the last time i did homework its been so long ago. Well at least this will keep me busy for a couple of days…you cannot feel sad when there are children around…

No news on the house yet…surely nothing else could go wrong…could it…

Enjoy your day …

Speak soon


hang on in there hiyah elaine hope you are ok ,and enjoying your babysitting !! my friend had her baby yesterday a 9lb 120z boy ! ouch!! she had a section so is quite sore but very happy .im afraid yesterday wasnt a good day for me i think i was emotional anyway with the baby being born but coulnt stop myself from blubbering for most of the day ,i think that now the intense treatments are over our bodies are just too tired to cope for a while with so called normal things ! anyway today we were woken with a tremendous thunder storm so even the heavens arnt too happy at the moment. still i hope things are a bit better for you you will achieve all that you want and need just it takes a little time . have a peaceful day speak soon love lynn xx hey where shall we go for our cyber trip?

Hello my friend Congratulations on becoming an Auntie…what a huge baby…what has she called him?

Sorry you had a bad day yesterday…I am sure you like me, did not think you could find anymore tears to flow…but boy they still keep coming don’t they? You would think this would be a good weight loss wouldn’t it?

Well homework was tough, history …the roman times…leaving school over 35 years ago it was taxing on my brain, then we had maths…whoopee my favorite subject…not. Cannot believe how they do home work now…just ask Google…lol…we had latin, long division and logarithm’s??? now computers or calculators for us eh!!!"

Think we all need to start our cybertrip at a spa retreat, massages, (BY MEN OF COURSE)oils aromatherapists, sauna’s and Jacuzzis. Do you think the others will come…not seen or heard from them in a while…Then we can begin our journey to far away places…need a few days at the retreat (or is it Rehab)to unwind etc…let me know what you think…

Hope you have a better day today…just dropped the boys off at school so going to just chill for the day with a few chick flicks and chocolate…

Hope to speak soon

Love Elaine

Speak soon

lazy days hiyah ealine, hope youve enjoyed your day of choccies and films!! nice to be able to shut out the world now and again isnt it,and i expect you needed the rest after looking after your freinds kids ,yes and the homework!! my grandkids cofuse me tremendously with what they learn nowadays sometimes ive never even heard of half the stuff they do! so as my youngast daughter is 17 they ask her as its not so long since she was at school.id never pass my gcses nowadays and we thought they were hard!. hey on our spa trip shall i bring my aromatherapy oils i need the practice,its a while since i was at work. hope you are feeling brighter today ,get your yellow jammies on and snuggle up with more films and cocoa,waterloo rd is on at 8 i love that program do you?? love lynn xx

hi elaine,
glad your counselling session went well…hope the babysitting didn’t tire you out too much.
i’ve not had a good week either, hubby at hospital sat., with suspected appedicitis…turned out to be water infection…hubby and eldest son at drs mon., hubby got to have blood test…possible blood deficency, son got to have blood test to check for over active thyroid…has also been suffering severe bouts of anxiety [family trait] for a while, youngest son going to work to be told no work to do
wed., …hubby goes for blood test , can’t get any reckon he’s dehydrated…got to drink 4 litres of water a day then 2 litres before he goes back for another go at getting blood tomorrow morning…
today…youngest son decides he’s had enough of being messed around at work and leaves…great
eldest son managed to go to Bristol for course from work…something he’s not been able to do since suffering anxiety attacks last year
I had to work extra hours this week due to staff shortages…and i had to cancel lunch with the husband of my friend who died a few weeks ago…he wants to take me and her close friend trudy out to lunch to thank us or being there for her…both told him he didn’t need to but he wants to…felt gutted i had to cancel…but we are going to go either next week or the one after.
working tomorrow morning, then seeing GP in aft for more ‘‘happy pills’’…

Sorry didn’t mean to go on…lets hope we all have a better weekend…think i need some of your yellow elaine!!!


Yellow Jammie’s Hi Lyn

Yellow Jammie’s at the ready…lol…Went to bed at 9.00pm last night and slept til 8.00am this morning…pretty good for me…all that homework must have made me sleepy…

Did start to watch Waterloo Road the first series, but I attend a college course doing digital photography on a Thursday evening and I always forget to tape it. He is gorgeous though isn’t he???

The spa trip, yes will need loads of oils for those lovely muscular men to rub all over us…we can drink carrot juice and eat lettuce leafs…I dont think so do you??? More like cocktails and chocolate every night.

Still no news on the house…just keep thinking I am going to loose it with the luck I have had.

Tomorrows another day, sweet dreams