Making sense of the last 3 years - head a muddle

Public Archive
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Thank you Tracy
Your posts are always so lovely and positive , you are just great!
I am determined to feel better and move on with things if it is the last thing i do!
I am some way from accepting my new body but I have no choice. I wobble from time to time but I am hoping the counsellor will give me some coping strategies to help me manage the wobbles

Xxxxx

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Just updating my thread.
I had first counselling session last week -it was scary - all these feelings came out that i thought i had buried!
It left me in quite an unsetttled placet so need to be better prepared next time!
Still hate new body and it will take a lot to change that, as too much has gone on there, for me to be ‘thrilled’ with the final result when i am not.
I am hoping that as spring aproaches, i will feel much better about things, as the fog clears and the sun comes out…

Naz xx

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Keep saying that to yourself Naz , the fog will clear and the sun will come out and gradually I will face each new day with a fresh energy and determination to make your life as happy as possible. Keep busy, plan new exciting things for this year and Focus on making you feel good about yourself again. Maybe go for a Head and Neck massage, or to Yoga or Pilate or tia Chi, anything that relaxes your brain.
I really do wish you all the very best with your Counsellor. Try and trust her and dont worry if the tears flow that is good for the soul. You will emerge from this experience a changed person, one who sees the world in a different way.
Sending you my love and positive thoughts. Tracy xxx

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How is the Counselling going Naz ? I really hope it is working well for you. Love Trace xxx

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Hi Tracy
I have pm’d you…
Counselling going okay…legal battle not going so well…very stressful and time consuming…

Lots of love Naz x

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Naz, I’ve just caught up with your thread…

  1. There is nothing “wrong with you” for feeling angry that you’ve been mutilated
  2. If we put our strong feelings into a dustbin and ignore them, what happens is that we spend an awful lot of energy trying to keep the lid on the bin… and every so often the feelings will splurge out anyway… (been there, done that…)
  3. You are not the person you were, but you still are an amazing woman
  4. Being gentle with self seems to be very, very hard to do for most of us…
  5. Delighted you are getting counselling - hope it helps - and don’t be afraid of the fact that you come out feeling rubbish - actually, most of the work is done between sessions as you process what you’ve got in touch with…
  6. Keeeeeep talking (on here and wherever)
    bless you Naz

Jane

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Ah thanks Jane - what a lovely post :slight_smile:
Well, it is not easy but i am getting there i think. The body image stuff is HUGE for me, don’t ask me why, but it just is. It will take me a long to adjust to the new me, as so much rubbish surgery has taken place previously.
I am not sure why i kept everything suppressed for so long, because i thought i could i guess. But as you say Jane, the dustbin started to over flow a couple of months ago and it is now being emptied!
I often feel huge waves of sadness for my old body, sometimes i can’t quite believe that part of me is gone forever. Don’t get me wrong, my chest was okay, but nothing special. But now, it has been replaced with something quite alien and i wonder if i have done the right thing having recon as it has been such an unpleasant experience for me.

Anyway, i am going on now…
Nazxxx

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Hi Naz ,
I have been trying to catch up with people I have chatted to before and you are one of them . I was thinking of you as I know BCC are doing an article on Body Image which I think you responded to. Your thoughts and feelings are just the type they want to hear from. We know from experience that a lot of time and effort is spent on Hair Loss , but not really about what our reconstructed body will look like, or how we may feel about it. I think at last they are going to address thius issue and talk to ladies ( like yourself) who have found it very hard to cope and adjust to the change.
I hope this finds you feeling much more positive, it has been good to see you helping other ladies as well. I guess your little ones are keeping you busy. How old are they now ?
I hope you have a lovely Mothers Day , Love Tracy xxx

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Hi Tracy
Lovely to hear from you as always.
Yes, i did respond to BCC and their request for experiences and thoughts around changed body image.
i only wish i could have written a more positive response, but what i have written is the truth and with that, how i really feel.
My little ones are 8 and almost 5 and yes, they keep me on my toes alright!
I have not had a bad day today…felt more positive and have not had that ‘heavy’ feeling in my heart and soul -it has been a good feeling.
I would not say i am there yet and will continue with the counselling for a while longer, at least whilst my legal case is going on.

Happy mothers day to all who celebrate…

Naz xx

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hello everyone,
my very first post…so here goes, was diagnosed last October (stand up against cancer day ironically) ! lumpectomy in December followed by a mastectomy and reconstruction January 29th, am fine really but now taking Arimidex for the next 5 years like a lot of you ladies on here I have tried to be positive and put on a brave face but oh boy yesterday I had a real meltdown…of nuclear proportions actually after an innoucous comment I lost it big time…told everyone I loved that Id had enough and didnt want to be here anymore and they could all just bu–er off! walked away and spent the whole afternoon and evening in our local Wetherspoons getting royally legless! Was so ashamed as its something I would never do…Im putting it down to the tablets as im not sleeping well at all and my menopausal symptoms have returned with a vengeance! well thats my excuse anyway anyone else experienced something similar?