@poppy261 I would like to wishing you well with lots of luck with your treatment my very brave girl.
Hugs Tili 
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This was so helpful to read! I have surgery tomorrow tomorrowto both breasts and SL nodes. One cancer is grade 1, the other much larger, grade 2.
The smaller one will be a lumpectomy.IFor the other I was given the choice of a mastectomy or lumpectomy with chest wall flap reconstruction. I initially wanted a mastectomy as not a very girly girl and happy to get rid. But consultant really persuaded me towards the 2 surgery reconstruction.
Actual surgeon doing op met with me Friday. Wanted to check I understood all involved, and I spoke about initially wanting mastectomy. She seemed to understand this. My problem is I still don’t know exactly what the reconstructed breast would be like. Would it be a sad immitation of my current breasts? It’s a lot of surgery and pain to go through when nothing is guaranteed and they may end up removing whole thing anyway, further down the line. I feel with a mastectomy/going flat at least I’ll know what I’m getting. I feel I’d like both off but they won’t remove the other one as cancer is too small.
The decision feels impossible- like I have to decide whether I would like my left or right leg cut off. I don’t want either!!!
I’d love to know how other people made their decisions. I haven’t been given a lot of info and it’s the 11th hour now!!
Dear @cherryblossom1 , this is how I made my decision to choose mastectomy flat closure…
Wanted to minimise time under anaesthetic ( I have type 1 Diabetes)
Wanted to reduce risk of potential further surgery
Wanted to minimise recovery time and impact on diabetes control
Preferred no breast to a deformed one
Wanted to avoid radiotherapy
The Macmillan helpline is open today if it would help to talk this through with someone. 0808 808 0000
I wish you well
Love Tulip x
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Hi @cherryblossom1 I think that Tulip has given you a great bit of advice. I also wanted the minimum fuss, less time in hospital and had no real issues about the aesthetics post op, so it was an easy decision for me. I’m nearly 62 and really don’t care about the look of my boobs, I’d rather be healthy.
You have to make the right decision for you. If there is the possibility of leaving your options open so you can have reconstruction later on then that could be something to consider.
Good luck with whatever you choose and wishing you well with your surgery. x
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Thanks Tili. 
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Oh Tulip, thank you SO MUCH for your reply! How wonderful of you to get in touch so fast.
I’m lucky enough to not have the diabetes issues, but feel absolutely the same about preferring no breast to a deformed one and wanting to minimise recovery time. Missing out on radiotherapy would be great too!!
I hadn’t thought of calling macmillan, only breast cancer now, who aren’t available. Thank you SO MUCH again and for putting their number there. I really am incredibly grateful for your reply!!
With love and thanks, CherryB
Hi Jaygo,
Thank you getting in touch with your thoughts, which are similar to my own. When the consultant advised something I didn’t prefer it felt weird to have my opinion.
It is so reassuring to hear your feelings. I’m 54 but also not concerned about aesthetics. I want minimal surgery/downtime/pain.
I think I do have the option of reconstruction further down the line, but it’s a good suggestion I can check with the surgeon tomorrow. I know I believe I’d rather have no breast, than a reconstructed one, but I haven’t lived without one before.
I currently truly believe I’d rather be flat on both sides, but the cancer on the left is too small for them to be willing to do anything but lumpectomy. A psychology assessment, and 3 years wait is likely necessary for that, I was told.
Thank for you all of your support.
Love and thanks, CherryB
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Cherryblossom1. This is truly tough for you. Never under estimate how hard this is. Its understandable to be so confused.
Go with your gut feeling as much as you can. This is for you and noone else. You know what strength you have in your body. You know what matters to you.
But remember, reconstruction can happen any time. So if you chose against it now, it is not a closed door.
Obviously for surgeons, it will naturally be easier to do everything all at the same time. I am wondering if that is why some may “over encourage” ladies to have the reconstruction at the time of mastectomy operations. I could be wrong.
They may see us doubt our choices so feel they are helping us. We are British and dont like making a fuss. Perhaps surgeons equally, want to let us know that they are happy to help. Happy to care.
I was brought up to … not make a fuss … not be demanding… stiff upper lip. But that was not always good for ME.
I am not sure if I was younger, whether I may have been more likely to consider a reconstruction. But equally I never wanted pierced ears, so I am not sure on that. Ive had plenty of broken bones which gave me long term pain. So I naturally back away from adding more to my pain list.
At 63 years old, I had no concern about going flat. A cancer is huge, a mastectomy is a huge operation in itself.
My surgeon did a wonderfully neat job. But I still have numbness where lymphs were removed. I still have tightness and seroma. So, for me that is plenty to cope with, along with chemo and radiotherapy and 8yrs of hormone blockers.
At 63, I definitely have less energy reserves. Poorer health. So I know I would not have the physical strength for more surgery unless it was a must.
My chest looks fine. Pre pubescent. Only one scar. The rest of my skin is undamaged.
I looked through websites that showed mastectomy scars. Someone posted another site that had videos from ladies who had reconstructions. I cant remember the Links but I am sure other ladies here may know them and guide you to them.
They helped me weigh up pros and cons.
But 8 weeks on, I dont really notice my flat one sided chest. I mainly still use a softy when out and about. (I have a small seroma, so a softy is comfortable) Some days I go without it. I have a bamboo front fastener bra from Cancer Research that stretches or stays flat depending on what I use with it. I love it.
But this is YOUR choice. Think calmly, what do YOU want? If you are truly undecided, remember, the door is never closed.
Remember, cancer played a cruel trick. It made us change our life course at times we least expected it to. We are all having to make decisions …. Sometimes too quickly. When we are scared and confused, we also get little time to ponder. Thats hard to balance. Hard to manage.
But my “GUT” feeling was strong.
Gain comfort from those close to you. Gain comfort from this community. Talk to BCN nurses and MacMillan about both options. Talk to your Health Care Team. Write Pros Cons list. They all help.
We are all thinking of you. We are with you. 
Sending you strength. Xxx
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If it is any help, I love my flat side. I’m probably not going to bother wearing a prosthetic. x
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@Jaygo @poppy261 @Tulip29 It Sounds a bit over the top, I know, as we are essentially strangers, but I love you so much for taking the time to communicate with me and I send so much gratitude to you both for your wonderful kindness and support at a time when I have been so in need. Xxxx
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Not over the top in the least @cherryblossom1 so don’t feel you can’t ask stuff. That’s what is so ace about this forum. We’re all here to help and support each other. xxx
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Dear @cherryblossom1 if a double is what you really really want then push hard for it. There is a huge inequality across different trusts re this option. It amazes me that so few surgeons really believe that this could be a choice, and if seeing a pschycologist first is what it takes then so be it. However there are many advocacy groups that have taken up the cause in recent years and quite rightly. Also the requirement for a really neat aesthetic flat closure.
I only parted with one breast so still have nipple sensation for sexual pleasure in the remaining one. This is something to bear in mind.
You may also want to contact Flat Friends which is a uk advocacy group.
Love Tulip x
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Cherryblossom1
I speak the same as everyone. We are in this together. You are not being over the top at all.
Sending much love and hugs your way. 
xxxx
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I attempted a wild swim today & have sobbed all afternoon. I felt so vulnerable and exposed. I am a 34 e so struggling a lot with just the one & feeling so lop sided. What i hate even more is the flap of skin that now rolls over my bra and i can constantly feel - I have never had this before.
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Sbee, so sorry to hear how vulnerable you felt today. Especially on such a lovely day, in wild water. My heart goes out to you.
Im not sure if its any help, but there are other costumes around that expose us less. Ones where a swim prosthetic can be more secure, where you would feel less vulnerable.
I generally use larger costumes where the bottom part is more like shorts. I prefer these to avoid having to remember to shave my bikini line. 
. But Ive seen some lovely ones online that are like mini dresses with higher necks etc.
I know athletic swimmers use all over body suits to be more streamlined. Decathlon have loads of different swimsuit options. None of these are mastectomy swim suits, but could allow for us to wear a thin mastectomy bra underneath without being visible.
Ive also warn swim shirts over my costume to keep the sun off me. Ive also warn leggings on sunny days in lakes and rivers. I have really fair skin and burn supper easily. So I always cover up.
My heart went out to you. It may be worth going back to your GP/surgeon/BCNurses, to ask if there is anything they can do to help with you body image and worries. They will have so much knowledge to share I am sure.
Dont ever give up on wild swimming. Or anything you love doing. Give it time. Grieve as you need. We all need to acknowledge what we have lost. But then slowly find a new path to those things you love doing.
I had most of my hair cut off yesterday. I felt liberated and in control. This morning, I saw a stranger in the mirror and missed my long hair. I felt sad/angry that cancer had forced me to make changes that were really out of my control. My hair will drop out soon.
This afternoon I wore a cheap wig under my sunhat, as I went to the local tip. I felt fine. Though a little hot 
. My car has aircon 
so I cooled down quick.
I came home, took off wig and hat and happily sat with pixie locks. I felt ok again.
We need to grieve. Change has been forced upon us. We need to feel angry. We need to find new ways forward. That takes time.
Small steps. Well done for being strong enough to try. .
We will all fall down some days, as we navigate new ways round this new way of life. But that is OK.
We just need time to practise. Time to pick ourselves up, have a rethink, and time to try again.
You will get there. We will all get there. 
Today you succeeded. You got in the water. Hold on to that. Xxx
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Thank you. I am stuck between a rock and a hard place- i dislike having one breast in my 30s but cannot bear the thought of more surgery or cutting more into me. I am also on a temp contract so financially time off is hard. X
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That is truly hard for you sbee. On many levels.
Hard enough going through all this at your age, without financial worries mounting on top of all that. MacMillan know a lot about benefits you may be entitled to. And Citizens Advice. Make sure you contact them. MacMillan have free Helplines that you can ring most days/evenings.
You may be entitled to Hardship Funds of some sort.
Dont cope with this on your own. These charities are wonderful and offer such a broad level of support.
But I can really empathise with you not wanting more operations. Thats me. My friend also had a mastectomy in her 30’s. Shes 63 now.
She remained flat. 5 years after her operation, and when she found she was cancer free, (so no more treatment needed), she reconsidered a reconstruction.
She went through lots of consultations. Options. Etc. She chose to remain flat.
Her reasons: shed become use to her looks; she had two small children (single parent), so couldnt afford extra time off work/away from the family; she didnt want another operation.
Over the years shes needed 2 hip operations and a hysterectomy. Which she has breezed through in truth. But she’s still happy flat.
Go with your GUT. Do a pros and cons list. Your choosing something you never thought you would ever have to think about. Thats huge.
My friend has been swimming. Her first attempt resulted in her prosthesis drifting out of her costume. 
. Over time she saw the funny side. Noone was bothered, or mean. I dont think they even noticed to be honest. But she found other ways round the dodgy prosthetic. That was over 20yrs ago. They are much better now.
Breast Cancer Now have “Someone Like Me”….women who have gone through similar to you. Get intouch with them via their Website, so they can match you to a volunteer who has experienced what you are experiencing. They are fabulous ladies. Ive spoken to 3 volunteers for 3 different experiences. Drains…Seroma….Lobular Breast Cancer. I cant praise them enough.
Ask them for someone who went flat but loved swimming. Or someone unsure about reconstruction. …Someone who was your age when they were diagnosed (they may be older now). Or ask for all areas and speak to numerous Volunteers.
BCN have loads of free leaflets/booklets for you to order and read through. Check out their resources area. They are Super Efficient, and post them quickly to your home. Talk to their Nurses. They seriously care.
Noone minds us crying. Ever. Ive cried many times. Its OK to cry.
Stay strong. Be informed. But look after your emotional health as well as physical health. This is huge.
Ive started Counselling for my Cancer, via my local Cancer Charity. Its lovely just having ME time. Having someone listen and care. Ask your Breast Care Team if one is near you.
Hope this helps. This Community is a life line. We are always here. Xxx strong together. Xxx A family. Xxx
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Thank you @poppy261 - what the treatment has done to me is also just brutal. I am suddenly covered in cellulite too. I felt disgusting today. 
Hi,
Im 4 weeks post bilateral mastectomy, flat closure and very happy with my decision. In the short term my recovery is so much easier. The breast nurses gave me 2 bras, some softies and 2 temporary prosthesis and also a prescription to be fitted in a couple of weeks. Im based in Ireland and we get fitted for 2 bras, and swimwear, regular prosthesis and also swim prosthesis after mastectomy. I can have reconstruction in the future if I change my mind but to be honest I have had had enough of being strangled by sports bras and clothes not fitting me properly over the years with my DD cups so taking the positives from this situation and for me that is the freedom of being bra free when I choose . Im 44 , and feel that before surgery everyone tried to convince me to go for immediate recontruction, thinking I wouldnt be able to cope emotionally losing part of my body, but i didnt feel 1 bit attached to them. To me they are not necessary and i wanted them gone with the tumors. Im healing well. Some cording and swelling still under my arm where lymph nodes were removed but recovery was so much easier than I expected. (I dislocated my collrbone 6 months ago and that was alot harder on me) . Ive just some tightness and numbness but no pain. Wishing you all the best with your surgerys
S
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Cellulite is awful sbee. I hope you have been referred to Lymphology/health team. If not, make sure you do get that pushed forward. I never realised it was a condition that needed such careful monitoring and support. Xxx
Speedo do a full swim suit. They sell it via Next, M&S, Decathlon. Its worth looking at for £30 I think.
That would give you some support at this awful time, as well as be very sporty and in trend. Otherwise look up rash wear for sun protection. Great for all over cover in water and beaches. But do get further advice from BCN etc.
Xxxxxx
I cant believe Ireland give soooo much help with bras and Swimwear Want2beme. I wish we got that in England. I just got a Softie as I left the surgery ward. I had to do all the research for bras etc myself. But I do think that can vary Trust to Trust.
Perhaps we could all give ideas on Swimwear and best prosthetics etc for us flat and proud ladies? Ive got no recent direct experience save Google Searching. But I know I would go for anything that covered me over. I burn in the sun. So no choice. .
Ive a large remaining breast. Odd as I was always a 34AA pre 40/50s. Now, somehow, Im a 40DD !!!
But I have to own up to weight gain after menopause and chocolate!!! 
I was not naturally large breasted. I loved the sudden cleavage. But I can completely understand your “happy to get rid” . You made me smile.
We are all so unique. So many personal challenges to get through. A positive for one, may be a disaster for another. Operations are huge. Some recover quickly, others have many side effects. No rhyme nor reason either.
Keep strong xxx Keep sharing. Keep caring lovely ladies xxx
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