After a week long deliberation I decided NOT to go for a reconstruction, at least for now. The BCN was wonderful, but after looking through a few photos of Implant reconstruction I did not think the result was as good as I had expected. Also after having 3 lumpectomies in 4 months and also some 9 years ago I was on the verge on being diagnosed with heart failure (this is being treated now), I was not too sure if I wanted to put my body through more operations etc. for now.
Have I done the right thing? Mastectomy (one breast) on 2nd July so I may have time to change my mind and have immediate reconstruction. Have taken picture of my boobs to remind me what I have/had. Almost like saying RIP to it. Very tearful and unsure, sleepless nights. There is just no other way, my consultant whom I saw yesterday did say immediate reconstruction would be preferable than a later one on account I would use my breast skin but very understandable when I opted for non reconstruction.
Diamondlady
Hi Diamondlady
I had my mx on 12th December 2012. Didn’t have a recon as the five hour op was too long got my poor lungs to cope with. I have a prosthesis, which is ok. I only wear it when I really have to as I don’t like bras at the best of times. Rather than missing my lost boob, I’m fed up with the other one!! Hope your mx goes well.
Poemsgalore xx
Hi Diamondlady, what a difficult time for you. I had a right mx 18 months ago and when I was first diagnosed my immediate reaction was to have a reconstruction. However, I was encouraged to wait until after the operation and take time to think it through and not to have it all done together. This was in case I needed radioherapy after the op (I didn’t) as this would affect any reconstruction. Anyway, to cut a long story short, I haven’t had a recon because I just couldn’t face any more ops and subsequent scarring to my body. I’m managing without and my husband has totally accepted the new me. Of course I miss having 2 breasts but as time goes on it is getting easier. Wearing a prosthesis is ok and I think I will be trying a contact one next.
I remember saying goodbye to my breast the night before the op…so hard to do but at the same time I just wanted to be rid of the cancer and that was my overwhelming feeling at the time. One of the hardest parts for me was looking at my scar for the first time, I tried not looking at it but eventually you have to. As the months have gone by and the scar has flattened and faded it looks a lot better. Emotional healing is still ongoing; there are days when the tears just come from nowhere and other days I’m totally ok but from what I’ve read on this website that seems pretty normal after something like this.
I wish you all the best on July 2nd.
Love
Jane x
Thank you PoemsGalore and Else (Jane). I took photos of my boobs last night and got really emotional. Today I went shopping for Mastectomy Bras. I feel so weird, as if people are looking at me, I am freaky etc etc even though my op is not until 2nd July.
I dread the night before the op having to say goodbye to my boob. I keep thinking perhaps I can cancel the operation. Sleeping badly. I keep asking WHY. Tears just roll down. Perhaps I am being selfish as there are people with worse scenarios than losing one boob but I hope anyone reading my whingeing note will understand.
However the replies I have so far received has been a great help.
Thanks
Diamondlady
Hi Diamondlady
I am sorry to hear you are in this situation, it all seems so unfair I know.
You do ask the question ‘why’ and I have done this many times in the past ( I had left mx) in September 2009.
I think you will feel a sense of loss to begin with and at first it all seems so raw.
Then over time, somehow, you start to get used to how things are physically. You may not like it and that is okay, but as time passes, you may reach acceptance. How long that takes, is down to each and every individual, but do not feel under any pressure to ’ get over it’ too soon. You may grieve for your loss ( I did and still do) and that is okay too.
It is an emotional time, so do be kind to yourself. Try and do some nice things over the next few days if you are able to?
You are not being selfish at all. When part of who we are is taken from us, we must mourn that loss.
Yes there are people who are facing more challenging times, but equally, there are many who will never walk our path and hopefully never have to make such a difficult decision in life.
Take care of yourself.
Naz xx
Thanks Naz - very good comments. Spent last night in London and it did help me alot temporarily. I must learn to accept what is happening though it is hard to believe it is happening to me. If I thought alcohol might do damage rather than good I would just go oin tyhe binge every night to ‘black’ things out until my op day on 2nd July.
I remember reading that getting the drain out is a ‘toe curling experience’ - now I dread it. In my simple mind I thought once MX is over I can get on with my life but now I somehow don’t think so. There is still poss. of the nodes being affected although I have non invasive DCIS, then my consultant mentioned the risk if the lymph nodes were removed, lymphoedema might occur. When is it all going to end???
Diamondlady
Hello diamondlady,
I feel your anguish and dread. So many questions and the inability to explain to others what it is exactly you feel, as there are so many emotions. I’m having a mx with immediate recon and having the other breast augmented at same time on Wed. Being young, 30 I felt this was right for me. I have a high grade dcis which they removed with 6 nodes in May but didn’t get clear margins hence the mx decision. Im fed up with all the trips and ops but this way I don’t need any radiotherapy or drugs.its feels extreme but as o have a toddler I need to get it sorted asap so we can get back to normality,if that’s ever possible.
I’ve started to feel scared and nervous and also getting ready to say my goodbyes. I choose the immediate reconstruction as I couldn’t face nothing there even though I am already small breasted, I couldn’t face the thought of having nothing.
The waiting must be hard for you,more time to analyze things.I’m glad mine has been quite quick in coming but also it’s scary.
I hope things get easier for you soon, although I fear like for most thelse feeling we are experiencing will stay with us for a long time.
Lots of love and support
Laura x
Hi again Diamondlady
I am glad your time in London helped last night.
I know it all seems surreal right now, because you are fearing the unknown and that is scary.
You may not have a drain put in, but if you do, the nurses are really gentle and won’t hurt you.
At the moment, you don’t know if any of your nodes are infected, if they are, that is another bridge to cross, as and when you need to.
I had my lymph nodes out almost 4 years ago and have not have any kind of lymphodema and it can be avoided if you are careful, so don’t worry on that front.
Life may never be the same again, but it does not mean that it will be worse - just different.
Take each day at a time and don’t not expect too much of yourself.
If it is any consolation, i am also having an operation on the 2nd July (i opted for reconstruction) so i will be thinking of you then.
Take care
Naz x
Oh Naz - thank you for those kind words and may I say, Good Luck to US both. My pre-op assessment tomorrow and Sentinel Nodes on Monday. I know a good number of ladies who have had BC years earlier (24, 23, 20, 11 and two 8 years ago) and they have all been so supportive and quite an inspiration.
Hope to hear from you again after the 2nd if not before.
Take care -
Diamondlady
Dear Laura (Hobbitoes) - you are very young with many many years of life ahead to enjoy your family etc. so reconstruction seems most appropriate. You also seem very brave. Like you, I too am tired of endless hospital visits since 18th January this year. Had I not already had 3 lumpectomies I would have opted for reconstruction.
You are not saying goodbyes, just a temporary Adios. I never use the word Goodbye even when I am going to be away for a while. You will be back in the bosom of your family before you know it.
Good luck for tomorrow - look forward to seeing your comments on this Forum before long.
Take care
Diamondlady
Hi there, Im in the same boat as you. I have been diagnosed with invasive lobular and waiting for a date for a right mastectomy and I was sure I wanted reconstruction (LD Flap with implant) but after having gone to a food and cancer lecture I was out off by having something plastic in me, but Im all over the place about it one minute I want reconconstruction because I cant bear the thought of having a flat chest with a line across it and no nipple. I have small breasts anyway so I can get away with prosthesis but what happens when you start a new relationship! its bad enough being 57 and everything going south. I suppose the fake one will remain upright!!! There seems to many women all going through this awful challenge. Good luck with your decision and hope the surgery and recovery go well.
Dear Jane R - I am going to be 63 (day after my op) and been married for 33 years but the thought of letting my husband see me after the op is still daunting. He has assurred me many times. I love low cut dresses and little show of cleavage but its not going to happen soon as op on 2nd July. Am wearing all my tops/dresses now and keep ‘admiring’ myself. It is so awful but the photos of reconstruction breasts has certainly made me chose prothesis, at least for now.
Diamondlady
Hi Diamondlady…I dreaded my husband seeing me after my op; I dreaded seeing me after my op so I can’t imagine what it must have been like for him. However, he seems to have taken it in his stride and this has helped me immensely. The first few months are the worst because the scar was livid and bumpy but over time it has flattened and faded a lot. Speaking for myself, I am glad that I haven’t had a reconstruction and 18 months on it still feels like the right decision for me.
All the best on Tuesday, sending you a virtual hand to hold
Jane x
Dear Elsa and all the ladies who responded. Just had Sentinel Nodes Biopsy - apart from an achin g left arm I was quite comfortable with it. MX tomorrow, I should be 100% sure that I am doing the right thing by not having a reconstruction but I am not. I thought of rescheduling my operation so I could have the reconstruction but decided against it. I suppose this is normal, getting anxious a day or two before the op.
Will be in touch soon - hopefully with good news.
Best wishes to all,
Diamondlady
Hi diamond lady. I had MX in April. Reconstruction then was offered, but advised that as I needed radiotherapy this may damage -harden the reconstruction. I can go for reconstruction in the future, but at the moment can’t face any more surgery. Am half way thru radiotherapy now, just home.
Best wishes for tomorrow be thinking of you x
Hi. Good luck with the mx. Take it easy after and rest well. Don’t forget to take a button through too and comfy bottoms for when you come home. Xx
Hi Diamondlady
It is totally normal to feel anxious before a big procedure, as is questioning whether you have made the right decision re: reconstruction.
Maybe in the future you might think you would like a reconstruction of some kind.
But for now, just try and focus on the here and now.
Will be thinking of you tomorrow.
Take care
NAZ XX
Hi Naz - how are you? I had my mastectomy on 2nd July too at 11.00 and was home at 9am today (3rd). I think it is too soon as very difficult to rest whereas in hospital there are no distractions but to do nothing.
I do not like what I see but hope when the wound/area is healed it will look much better. I did put my mastectomy bra on when I came home not too bad then, but immediately took it off as the area too tender. No lymph nodes affected so good news. Seeing Consultant in 2 weeks time - he reckons it is all ‘water under the bridge’ to quote his words. lets hope so.
Diamondlady
Diamondlady
I had mx December last year. My ‘wound’ looked pretty awful as it was held in place with superglue with no dressings. I also had snb. The drain was the worst bit. I too came home the day after surgery and DN came out to remove drain five days later. My scar now is barely visible. At first I put E45 cream along the top and bottom of it, but eventually I used ReGen oil (similar to Bio Oil but cheaper). I didn’t wear my bra and softee, as it did hurt too much. I now have a prosthesis which I occasionally wear, but sometimes I still wear my softee. But usually I go au naturelle, even though I look a bit lop sided. It’s far more comfortable and I never did like bras much anyway.
Poemsgalore xx
Quick question how soon after surgery can you use bio oil?