Good news - I’ve finished rads and oh what a relief not to be up at the crack of dawn to try and beat Manchester’s commuter traffic! The radiotherapy unit has been so nice. One morning “the system” was down and we all had to wait an hour or so for it to be fixed. The receptionist kept coming round with updates and a huge bowl of chocolates.
Up to now I’ve not had any problems other than a very swollen and slightly tender breast. The strange thing now is that I feel sort of lost. As horrible as this year has been, it’s had a structure to it. But I’m not sure what happens next now. Do you have these feelings?
At the moment I’m not best pleased. I had my Herceptin on Friday and asked to see the onc because of my fatigue/weakness in legs. I was told to take more excercise (can’t even walk round garden yet), that I’m a year older (thanks not for reminding me) and that it could be psychological (must be imagining it all and need a shrink). He said other things which annoyed me and it’s not the first time he’s unsettled me. On our second meeting he said that ladies with a positive outlook fare much better and that I appeared over anxious. Since he was the one who dropped the bombshell that I needed chemo because of my aggressive cancer on the first meeting you can imagine I had alot of questions to ask on the second one. Perhaps I’m being over sensitive but what’s wrong in asking questions - it’s my body and I have a right to know what’s happening. I hope I’ve not depressed you with my ranting but other than people on this site I’ve not really got anyone else to talk to - my husband’s not really into “feelings”.
Anyway Lucy, how are things with you? If you’ve finished rads by now I hope you’re feeling ok. Have you got anything nice planned for when you finish treatment?
Excuse me interjecting here, I was scanning for something else but saw this post.
Your oncologist sounds like a real **se. Mine isn’t perfect but he is not insensitive or unsympathetic but I have never heard ONE word of encouragement from him.
Anyway, my point is about positive attitude. I have read recently, in more than one publication, that positive or negative attitude (doesn’t sound like you are negative) has NO bearing on outcome. One place I read this was in the CancerBackup literature so next time he speaks to you like that shove CancerBackup’s “The Emotional Effects of Cancer” under his nose!!!
I finished chemo 51 weeks and 4 days ago and I agree with you about the time having had structure although I don’t feel lost exactly I just feel as anxious as I was on diagnosis. I’ve said this to a few people on these forums but go take a read at “After Treatment Has Finshed” - very insightful article written my a male non-physician and it can be downloaded from the Cancer Counselling Trust - google it. It isn’t the full talk that he gave but it is a shorter version and still excellent reading for people who have done with adjuvant treatment.
I am sorry you are feeling a bit down at the moment with it all, when I was first diagnosed with breast cancer,my consultant told me that I would probably need chemo, he actually said to me “Lucy dont expect them to be like me as they can be very harsh, the reason for this is because they are dealing with it day in and day out and not everyone makes it so they detatch themselves from reality if you like” I went in there the first time I met my onc and just started to speak to him like I had already met him, he was fine and not a bit like my Consultant had described…I feel lucky, but I wouldnt take it personally…I kept saying to my onc and my consultant, I have this and I have that and they both used to laugh and say for Goodness sake you havnt got anything else…but every thing I get I think OH my God what now, so you are not alone!
I try to stay positive I think it helps me personally, I dont know about whether it does physically but I always try to see the glass half full rather than half empty for my own sanity and for that of my partner and mum and dad…none of this has been easy and I dont think It ever will but my partner said the other day when I got in a state when I learned that my cousin had died at 50 " how do I know what is going on inside me" he said "Lucy how do I know what is going on inside me…so you see we non of us know what is in store for us but we are lucky in a way as we have been able to deal with our misfortune many people don’t even have that chance like my cousin…
anyway on a lighter note yes I am going to Cornwall next week and cant wait I hope the weather holds up, I am a bit sore but nothing I cant deal with they were a bit reluctant to let me go but I need a rest so they said yes…
How about you are you planning anything???
There are many men who dont seem able to do feelings I am very lucky after several nast relationships I have found a fabulous man that has stuck by me and made me go through with all this treatment and I am so grateful…please dont get down with that side of things you know where I am if ever you want to chat…