I have thought alot about this today and am so confused with my emotions and feelings.
Last night a friend told me she had thought of me so much as she had found a breast lump.
she replayed every detail of her mammogram and biopsy and waitin for results to me.
However it was all benign.
I was delighted for her but felt angry and envious. she is 20 yrs older than me.
I cried about it all and felt so mixed up.
anyone else had this experience?
Rx
Hi Liverbird. See you posted this a day a go and no one has answered, which is really unusual! I can relate to what you are feeling, but from another situation. I had a really difficult childbirth (18 years ago now), which was not at all how I have hoped, then a friend called a couple of days after and said that her child her just been born and how wonderful and easy it all was. I was really pleased for her, but afterwards I cried. I was crying for myself as I was so jealous of her experience! I expect that you are feeling that way as well, of course hearing that someone else it clear of cancer will be great news and you will be delighted for them, but at the same time it makes you wish “if only that were me”. These are confusing times, but I think what you are feeling is totally normal and natural. A big hug from me. Sarah xx
Hi Liver, your only human, and the feelings you have had are really normal, life is so unfair at times, and this really is shit, i don’t care what anyone says, i just hope for the best now, and try to lead as good a life as i can, you take care, i’m away for a few days so will be thinking about you
lots of love
Alisonxxxx
I used to wonder if I had done something really bad to deserve this because all my tests and biopsies came back clear, so I was told I was having a benign fibroid removed. It was 46mm and unfortunately my surgeon found a 33mm tumour underneath it and he had to tell me at my follow up that I had cancer. I knew by his face and the way he fiddled with his glasses that he felt awful as he had breezily said to me and my husband 4 weeks before “you’ll be pleased to know there’s nothing wrong, it’s a benign fibroid”. I told my husband to go for coffee when I went to have the dressings removed and the surgeon had to send someone to find him.
Hi Liverbird, I don’t think you are alone in your thoughts. I’ve found that since dx people who visit even close friends find it difficult not to talk about something they’ve heard, or someone they know who’s either had or has some form of cancer. It’s like one of those occasions where you go to something and think, I mustn’t mention such and such and the first thing you do is start a conversation about it. You wouldn’t want to say anything to upset them, that’s why it’s good that we have this site to express our feelings without offending anyone.
Cherub that must have been very distressing to have been told that you had nothing to worry about and then find out it was bc. How are you doing?
Caz x
Caz, I’m pretty much fine at the moment, looking forward to Christmas as the last 2 have been difficult - my dad died 6 weeks before Christmas 2005 after a long battle with vascular dementia, then I was diagnosed with this 6 weeks before Christmas last year. TBH, I have sometimes thought watching my dad’s struggle was more difficult than this because I knew he was never going to get better and it was just a matter of time for him. In this past year I have taken great comfort from the fact that we live in my parents’ old house and I sometimes think they are here watching over us.
Good news is, only another 6 Herceptins to go, next one the week before Christmas. I got a nice job offer last week as well and have got a temp to perm job starting in a college in Jan, they’ve said they should get funding to make it permanent at the end of March so fingers crossed. We started a business just before I was diagnosed and OH put it on hold to get me throught the worst; it’s now really picking up so we’ve a lot to look forward to and a lot to be thankful for.
Cherub, I’m really happy to read your post it’s so full of positives. I wish you the best of luck and a Very Merry Xmas, you deserve it.
Caz x