I’ve everything crossed for you today @loupy, good luck! 
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Hey @bobcat1, I feel exactly the same in that I never expected this to come back so soon and I know what you mean about feeling like you’re in limbo.
I was always waiting for this and that to happen so I could move on with my life, but this recurrence has made me realise that this might never be over so I’ve chosen to live my life alongside it. Yes, it might need some rearranging and is definitely going to be more challenging in some areas but the drive to do it is absolutely there.
I’m currently making arrangements to enrol on a distant learning course to do a qualification I’ve been thinking about for ages and will be applying jobs relating to that field whilst undergoing treatment. There will be no more waiting around for me!
I hope you manage to find some peace with your current situation and that you have a plan in place soon. x
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Hey @loupy
How did you get on?
Hi @mssteel thanks for checking in! 
Rubbish news it’s another tumour but they’re not going to operate at the moment, going to see if radiotherapy has any impact and then get me straight on abemaciclib as they wonder if that’s the drug I need - my surgeon wanted to operate though and is seeing me again in two weeks to check on the lump! Never ending!
Hope you’re doing ok? Xx
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Oh no @loupy, that is absolutely rubbish news. How do you feel about the treatment plan?
My surgeon actually phoned me last Wednesday to tell me the MRI has shown a small area they want to ultrasound in the other breast so I have another appointment for that and they’re also currently looking at a different chemo cocktail to try to shrink the recurrence, using a clip to keep an eye on the area. I have an appointment next week to discuss further and to get the results of the CT scan, which I’m very nervous about. So yeah, never ending here too! All that being said though, I’m actually in pretty good spirits. Thanks for asking. x
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@mssteel glad you’re in good spirits- I am too think you get to the point where it’s better to be like that as it only makes it worse doesn’t it! Your team sound on it, with plans in place, I’ve got to have another CT scan too which is always worrying but I also feel that I would rather have the scan and know the exact picture x
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Absolutely. When it comes to cancer, ignorance is most certainly not bliss!
Glad you’re also feeling somewhat positive and best of luck with your treatment and your scan. x
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Update!
In addition to the breast clinic appointment I have tomorrow afternoon to discuss the plan to deal with my recurrence, the oncology team have today scheduled a face to face appointment for tomorrow morning instead of my usual pre-chemo telephone appointment. Of course they couldn’t tell me what for. Why do they do this??? It’s like they love to make things as tense as possible! 
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Sending you a massive hug. It’s not enough, but it is the best I can do x
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It absolutely is enough @Jaygo, your kind words mean a lot thank you. x
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Hopefully things became clearer from your consultation and you were able to be an active participant in the decision making of your ongoing treatment plan xxx
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I saw oncologist and surgeon this week at different appointments but we have all agreed to restart my chemo on 8th June and I will get my extra bit of surgery done after that and then the radiotherapy. I feel much better that there is a plan back in place now and that we all agree. Just got to get myself through this blooming chemo now…..
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@bobcat1 lovely to hear from you and that you have a plan in place! Good luck with chemo - always here if you need a chat xx
Thanks for the update @bobcat1 - glad you have a plan in place that you’re happy with and hope the chemo goes well.
I met with the oncologist today after spending the entire morning in a complete spiral! So the CT scan is clear apart from a very small black spot on the liver, measuring just a few millimetres. They’re unsure whether this is cancer from this scan as it could also be something benign so they’ve ordered an MRI and are hoping that will take place in the next few days. Considering I had catastrophised that this had spread everywhere and I was a complete write off, I can cope with and park this news for now until I know for sure what it is.
They’ve changed my treatment plan to deal with my local recurrence and are basically starting over with neo-adjuvant treatment to shrink the cancer, beginning Friday 22nd May, then surgery, which will likely be a mastectomy, then further adjuvant treatment after surgery.
I also have an ultrasound next week to check a small area of concern in the other breast.
I asked the oncologist what the chances were of all of this working and she said “high”, which has made me very hopeful.
Feeling better all in all but oh my life, it’s been a day!
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Crikey @mssteel your head must be scrambled after all that! On my first CT scan I was sent for an MRI due to something showing on my liver…it turned out to be a curled up blood vessel that I’ve probably always had! I had another CT scan to check my dodgy new lump yesterday so waiting for results again…
Scrambled and fried @loupy, let me tell you!
That’s encouraging re: the blood vessel. They’ve said they don’t really think my liver spot is anything but just want to be thorough considering recent events and I’m very onboard with this, especially as everything else I’ve been initially told was probably benign didn’t turn out to be.
Good you’ve had your CT scan but the waiting is so so hard. I find it tends to peak for me in the couple of days before the results appointment. Hope it’s not too rough on you. x
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@mssteel yep same re the anxiety but appointments are Monday with oncology consultant and Thursday with surgeon so not exactly sure who will have the results as surgeon ordered it after being over ruled in the MDT about the plan so I quite like the not knowing as it takes away some of the anxiety!
I liked getting it all checked as at least you know you have the full picture! My husband said something to me that stayed with me, I’ve had scans and know exactly where the cancer is, some people walk around for years with it growing in their body and not knowing so you’re in a better place than a lot - that stuck with me and I do think that all the scans however traumatic are a good thing as we get the whole picture and can fight it!
Sending you lots of love 
x
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Your husband is absolutely right. The spider you can see crawling on the wall isn’t as scary as the one that might be hiding behind the radiator!
You too. x
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MRI booked for Monday! Top notch service. 
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