This is my first post as I have gained a lot from reading your posts but have always been to scared to join in. I was 33 on 29th Jan and was diagnosed just before xmas with grade 3 Bc and have a 8 month old and 3 yr old . Had SNB on 11th Jan and one out of 3 nodes were involved which was upsetting so am having more nodes removed this Friday even though i was of the understanding that if only one out of 3 nodes were involved that that should be a good sign that it has gone no further so why the further surgery?? i get the impression when i ask they are trying to be TOO positive and saying things like’ we just have to make sure’ but if cancer doesn’t spread past the first then why would they bother unless they are trying not to scare me. I know grade 3 is v.aggressive so really really scared not to mention the last couple of weeks struggling witha newborn and a toddler will be hard enough but now i have to go through it all again and with a drain for another couple of weeks and my poor husband is self employed so can only take a week off. I adore my children but if i didn’t have them at least i could rest but keeping a clingy 3 yr old away from a drain let alone my arm is hard enough but i can’t even pick my baby up.
Sorry rant over but my main concern is what does one out of 3 sentinel lymph nodes having cancer mean?? I know its grade 3 and invasive ductal and i need chemo etc but why remove more and if so how many?? I have asked my breast care nurse this a thousand times but well, shes quite evasive and i like things a bit mre blunt as i find it easier to get used to the ifo that way. Ifs & buts make my mind wander…
Dear Lolabelle - Hello, and welcome to these forums, although I am so sorry that you have had to join us here, and that you are having such an awful and worrying time at the moment, quite apart from all the usual demands of caring for a toddler and a young baby - draining at any time, and at times for you at the moment it must seem overwhelming. Do you have friends/family near by - this is a time for accepting every offer of help you get, and not being afraid to ask for help as well, be it someone looking after the children for an hour or two while you rest, bringing a meal, putting the hoover round, just anything, And if you don’t have people around do contact your health visitor and see what support there might be for you. Please don’t struggle alone - you will get through all this, I promise, but it can seem very daunting at times and don’t feel you should be coping or not struggling - it’s really tough and you are being brilliant just getting through the days.
The only people who can properly answer your questions are of course your surgeon and your breast care nurse, and when you do see your surgeon next do write down specifically what your question is, and then write down the answer - that should make things clearer. I too have Grade III breast cancer, as do many of us on these forums, because it can be fast growing that is why we are often given chemotherapy to “mop up” any cancer cells that may have gone beyond the breast area, - did you have a Wide local excision or mastectomy? As to the nodes, I would agree with your impression that one of three affected was a good sign, but it is not always certain where the lymph will drain to after the sentinel node - can go in a variety of directions, so I think you are right, they are just being extra cautious by taking a few more - try to ask how many more lymph nodes they are going to remove, if it is a level 1 clearance you will still have lots left!
Good luck for Friday, and please do write and let us know how you are getting on. So glad that you have started posting here, please do keep writing about anything and everything that you are feeling, you will get lots of support and help here and it helps to feel less alone. Have you looked at the Younger Women site, you will be in good company there with lots of tips I’m sure!! Love and a cyber hug! Sarah
Firstly, welcome to the forums, I am sorry to read of your recent diagnosis. You may find our helpline useful to call during this time, they can help you through this difficult time, listen to your concerns and offer information, advice and support. . They are on 0808 800 6000and open Monday - Friday, 9am - 5pm, Saturday, 9am - 2pm.
In addition, Breast Cancer Care have published a Resource Pack, it has been designed for anyone newly diagnosed with information to help you better understand your diagnosis, test results and various treatments, it is available via the following link or by contacting the helpline:
Thanks Sarah - it was a quandrantectomy ( i think thats how its spelt!) and so w wide local incision - looks a bit like i’ve had a shark bite from my armpit down towarsd my nipple! I have asked a few times mainly to my breast care nurse and she says they are pretty sure that the cancer and cancerous node has been removed but this is standard procedure and so they have to do it but when my lumo was fist discovered i was told time and time again thatit was not breast cancer as it didn’t feel like it etc etc and the biopsy was just a procedure they felt they had to carry out to be sure and it was grade 3 invasise ductal with so far a node involvement!! To say i’m not reassured is an understatement.
My mum is trying to helpbut clearly doesn’t have ‘baby confidence’ if that makes sense - i had the novovirus recently and was bed ridden and she played with my 3 yr old but left the baby crying in his bouncer and i had to keep coming downstairs to see what was going on and found it infuriating so ended up feeding him and changing him (she clearly doesn’t like pooey nappies - who does??!) and its not filling me with much hope. My nan and aunt had breast cancer and masectomies and my mother obviously knew this and only told me AFTER i was diagnosed thus wasting very precious time that could have had me fasttracked due to family history and so i hold a lot of resentment there and am not sure i can ever get past this as her secrecy was completely irresponsible. My mother in law is helpful but oh my god so nosey!! She keeps pening drwers in my house and reading stuff!! God to be rich, i swear i’d hire a nanny as its so much less baggage than family…
Hi Lolabelle. Wow, that’s a really tough start to all this - to have been kept being told that you did not have breast cancer, and to be getting false reassurance, and then to have found that you did - makes the shock worse than ever I am sure. I can well understand your resentment towards your mother about not telling you about your nan and your aunt, as with that history of cancer in the family that would have increased your risk factors, and as you say you would have been seen sooner. In her defence, there was in the past a terrible sense of shame about breast cancer and in some families it was a huge dark secret and something that just was not talked about. Very tragic, very lonely, but that was the way it was. I suppose your mum, misguidedly she will now be realising, had never talked about it with you before you had the breast lump, and then, when you did, she didn’t want to frighten you or “tempt fate”. Have you been able to talk to her about how you are both feeling that she did not mention it before? Hope you can get over this resentment, although it will be hard, sounds like you could be doing with your mum just now! Perhaps she could be on 3 year old duty and your husband can take your baby out in the pram - nothing worse than hearing a baby that you think someone is looking after crying and crying - poor you. At least he’s trying - just need to get him trained up a bit - time to pass over the baby and toddler care books for his bedtime reading! At least your mother in law in helpful, despite reading things (from closed drawers - yuk!) put your private things somewhere she can’t look but let her keep being helpful - you need all you can get! Wish I could magic a nanny on you - althoug I don’t think even they make life entirely straightforward! Does your little one go to a nursery at all, perhaps you could go that way at least for a few hours so that you could know you would have a few hours completely to yourself once or twice a week when you can really rest and have you time - perhaps you could talk with your health visitor about how life is for you at the moment and she may have some ideas - there may even be a parent and child group that your mum or mum in law could take the children to and again that would be a time you could rest if your husband is back at work. Oh dear, none of it easy! Anyway, for now all you will really be thinking about is going back to the hospital for this second op, I’ll be thinking of you and please do write again when you are back and let me know how you got on and what the results are. Very best of luck. Don’t know if you go for cyber hugs, but here’s one anyway! Love Sarah xx