I have started this topic on behalf of new user colm
Kind Regards
Joe
Moderator
Breast Cancer Care
Dear all, just found these forums - and I’ll make sure my wife knows about them as soon as she answers the phone!
We just found out on Friday that that she has cancer. She’d just given up breast feeding our 4 month old and had a lump everyone said would disappear after a while. After 2 weeks it still hadn’t shrunk so she went to the doc & yes, it’s cancer. The lump is the size of our toddler’s fist and is type 3 apparently. The mastectomy is on Thursday this week and then we have 6 months of chemo followed by radio.
We’re really worried that on Thursday we’ll find out it’s spread into the lymph nodes - my mum has a different type of cancer at the moment and one of the worst things dealing with that is the uncertainty over spread.
Anyway, another large worry we have at the moment is that we’re just about to exchange contracts on our dream house. Does anyone have any advice? Is it good to have a distraction or does the additional stress hinder recovery? Has anyone pulled out of something similar and regretted it on recovery or does the joy of recovery itself outweigh any worries about something as silly as a house?
I don’t think there’s a right or wrong answer but hearing someone else’s experiences would be very helpful.
Thanks, and keep an eye out for my wife later. Her name’s Fiona (33). We’ll keep you posted on the lymph situation. Could anyone provide advice about what the consequences are if it has? Thanks.
I’m so sorry to hear of your wifes recent diagnosis but I’m glad you’ve found us here. ‘Welcome’ to this wonderful site.
I was diagnosed with bc in March, age 34. I had a right mastectomy and total axillary clearance a week after diagnosis. As with Fiona’s, my tumour was found to be grade 3. It was 4cm, hormone receptive and HER2 + and I had extensive lymph node involvement. Please, please don’t worry too much about the whole lymph node issue. IF the cancer has spread to any of Fiona’s lymph nodes this does not automatically mean that it has spread elsewhere. I had 25/28 nodes affected, and so far there is no evidence of further spread. I have had a wealth of tests and scans, and whilst I know these are not always conclusive, my oncologist has assured me that there is no further spread so that’ll do for me!! People can have no positive nodes yet develop a secondary, whereas others can have lots of nodes involved yet not develop a secondary. Whilst I obviously would have preferred not to have lymph nodes involved I realise that it is by no means all doom and gloom.
I started my chemo in May, there are many and I am on E-CMF. As with Fiona, I will be having rads after chemo. Then it’ll be hormone therapy and Herceptin for me. I am more than happy to discuss any aspect of the treatment with Fiona at any time, as will everyone else on here I’m sure. Perhaps she could check out the ‘younger women’ pages too. Loads of really useful stuff for us youngsters!
As fas as the house goes, I say ‘go for it’! I reckon it’ll be lovely. Cancer will interfere with your life enough over the coming months so don’t let it start now by ruining your dream. Do it!!
Take care and I wish you both well as you start this journey,
Welcome to the forums where I am sure you and your wife will receive valuable support and advice from your fellow users. In addition, Breast Cancer Care have published a Resources Pack specifically for anyone newly diagnosed with breast cancer which can be ordered on line, it is filled with information to help you better understand your diagnosis, test results and the various treatments available, you can order it via the following link: breastcancercare.org.uk//content.php?page_id=7514 You are also welcome to contact our freephone confidential helpline on 0808 800 6000 for further support, advice and information from our team of specialist nurses. The helpline is open Monday to Friday 9am-5pm and Saturday 9am-2pm. I do hope you find this information useful.
Kind regards
Joe
Moderator
Breast Cancer Care
Thanks for the reassurance re the nodes. They’ve been the focus of our fears over the past few days. I suppose there’s so much uncertainty that your brain zooms in on one issue to keep you sane! Glad to hear it hasn’t spread elsewhere. Hope you’re coping OK with the chemo.
Thanks for the support too - as soon as I get home if she doesn’t already Fi will have a user name!!!
And thanks Joe for starting the topic - we got a pack with some of Breast Cancer Care’s leaflets from the consultant but good to know there’s a helpline too.
So sorry to hear about your wives diagnosis. This site will give you and your wife lots of help and support that is invaluable, and hopefully will help you both through this horrid time.
I was dx on 16 July with bc, but unluckily for me we were told 10 days later it had spread to my liver, so straight onto chemo. Started my chemo on 8 August, and it was not too bad, although was so terrified about it, but it is doable, and your wife will be ok. My next session is a week tomorrow, and as yet I have had no side effects to report back. I am 39 and have a 3 yr old and a 9 month old, so know how you are both feeling and how upset and terrified you must be feeling. It is a roller coaster of emotions right now, and although am a lot better than when I was diagnosed, I still have some bad days, but more good now. I am on chemo for 18 weeks, 3 x FEC and then 3 x taxotore every 3 weeks. There are lots of different chemos and whatever your wife is put on, there will be someone on here to help and discuss with her, and even those that are not on the same will still help too.
There is no reason why your wife’s bc should have spread, and there are a lot of people on here that do not have secondaries, so keep strong and try not to worry about a spread.
As for your house, if you are so close then I would go for it, but obviously it has to be right for you and especially for your wife, as the next few months will be hard. But as others said, cancer will interfere with your life now so why should you let it smash your dreams, but follow what your instinct tells you.
Take care and give your wife my love and hope you both can stay as strong as possible for your baby and toddlers sake and your own.
I’d say go for it unless the house needs a mountain of building work. Make things as easy as possible when you do move…get professional movers.
I know someone who had exchanged contracts a few days before diagnosis so had to move. In retrospect no regrets about the move though there were times when it was very hard.
Hi Colm I was only moved house a week when I found out I had breast cancer It was such a strain finding a new doctor we moved from Birmingham back to Scotland I was terrified as ALL I wanted was to be back home in Birmingham. The treatment I have had here has been fantastic I was diagnosed IN dECEMBER and had a masectomy then I finished all my chemo 4 weeks ago. Now I am enjoying my new home here in Scotland I am also starting a new job here in 2 weeks. Anyway about your house move go for it if you can afford it but I must tell you there is not a lot of financial help out there for us BC people I havenever been out of work since I left school and all I get is £72 PER week its a good job I have a husband I am on incapacity benefit. What does your wife think about the move. I would think long and hard I dont want to sound morbid but what if your needed you at home for a while during her treatment would you get paid if you had to help her and stay at home. I would say Colm definitely sit down and think about even if it means involving the family. We werent so bad as we were down sizeing and we made quite lot of money from the sale of our house in Birmingham. I do feel for you both Whatever you decide I do hope it works out for you Please keep us all posted what ever decision you make Love Linda xxxxx
I was dx 9 Aug and moved house yesterday… I start chemo Thursday… My hubby wanted to postpone our move but I said no let’s do it…I found it a good distraction…today was a slow day and I found myself worrying so I feel the more u can keep busy and distracted the better…
Dear all, Fiona here. Just seen what my hubby’s been up to!! Thanks for your messages. Not quite sure what to do/write yet but lovely knowing there’s somewhere I can come when I’m more up to it. Thanks.
Hubbies really show their colours in these situations. Mine has been fab. For someone who cant watch medical programmes he has almost turned into Dr Kildare.
Go for your dream you two, whats the saying ’ Life isn’t a practise you haveonly one chance’ So grab it by the **lls!
Welcome to the site, your hubby is wonderful the way he came on and tried to find out as much as he could to help you. I hope you are doing OK, this is a tough time for you and your family and you will be on an emotional rollercoaster. I can relate to you with the children too, and your fears for them and yourself. I am 39 with a 3 yr old girl and a 9 month old boy and it is hard. They will help you though believe me, mine don’t show any mercy, obviously baby has no idea, and the 3 yr old doesnt really understand, just knows mummy is poorly.
I hope you are ok today, and this site is wonderful and you will get stronger and more positive and everyone on here will help you do this too.
Although I’m still recovering from my two rounds of surgery and my chemo starts today, but next week I’m starting to have my house renovated (every single room affected which probably means I will have to move out at some point!!).
I did have the option of putting it off but I’ve decided NO – I’m not going to let BC get the better of me and make me put my life on hold. Even if I’m sick half the time, the other half I will be OK and in four months time, the chemo will be over and I will have a beautifully renovated house! With the help of all the fantastic people you get to speak to on this site I know will get through it one way or another.
Well, Fifi has her op today. House move is right down under “have I remembered to record Mock the Week” in terms of importance at the moment. We’ll think about it some other day.
Great news, in relative terms: the op was a success, they removed the breast and 6 nodes and all the nodes were clear!!! The consultant was very pleased with how it went and thinks we caught it early enough - she reckons there’s no spread. So we’re chuffed tonight.
Now there’s the chemo, radio, recon etc etc but the main battle’s won. And we know we can cope with the rest. I’m sure this site is sure to help.
Anyway, enough from me - hopefully you’ll be hearing from Fi in a week or so when she’s discharged and gotten used to things a bit.
i,m so please fifi’s surgery went well, and that you are so close to her, it really does help. i pray she will draw strength from you and others close to her,
i pray the move goes well, i move in bout 3 weeks
blessings and prayers for you both and a cyber hug for baby