I’m so sorry to hear of your mum passing on, my thoughts are with you and your family at this difficult time!
Me and you are in the same place right now, my mum passed away in April this year aged 56, i also turned 30 in July this year too.
Like your mum, mine suffered towards the end she was in bed from November last year up until she was taken into hospital at the beginning of April. She started off with breast cancer in 2007, she developed 2 brain tumours aug 2008 and by the time she was admitted into hospital this year in was in her bones and lung too.
I miss my mum so much, at first i cried everyday now its a couple of times a week, little things will set me off, she is constantly on my mind, she is the first thing i think about when i wake up and the last before i go to sleep. One thing i have learnt through this horrible journey is that i bottled alot of my emotions up, since my mum has died if i’m upset i will let it out, it is ok to cry, scream if you need too. It doesnt cure how you feel just helps by relieving it.
I have another hurdle i’m expecting my 2nd child which is due a week before my mum’s anniversary of her passing away, my mum was there with my first child, you could say i couldnt cope, but she was always there and that hurts so much, because she knew i really wanted another baby we have been trying for 2 years, and now she wont be there to meet it, although i know she will be in spirit, it’s not quite the same.
You will probably feel you are alone right now, i do from time to time, but you need to remember the good times you spent together, trust me that does help!
I’m sorry for waffling on, but please dont feel you cant cope, you can and will in your own way, hurdles will come along but they pass just as fast.
Please take care and i am sending you lots of hugs