mum just diagnosed

can’t believe i am typing these words but my mum got diagnosed with bc last Friday. Feel totally shocked, devastated, terrified and a million other emotions. It’s so awful having to watch her go through this. She is totally convinced that it is going to have spread everywhere else and there is nothing i can say to make her feel any differently. I am, obviously being really positive and strong when i am with her but falling apart when i get home. has anyone got any tips on what i do to help her through this?

Hi Minnie

Welcome to the Forums, I am sure you will receive plenty of advice and support from other users.

I am sorry to hear of your Mum’s recent diagnosis. It is not surprising you are feeling devastated and many other emotions at the moment. It may help you to talk to someone in confidence about how you are feeling, please feel free to contact our free phone helpline on 0808 800 6000. Everyone on our helpline either has experience of breast cancer or is a breast care nurse and this means you have the opportunity to talk to someone who has an understanding of your situation.

The helpline is available Monday to Friday 9am-5pm and Saturday 9am-2pm.

Kind regards

Katie
Moderator
Breast Cancer Care

Hi Minnie

Unfortunalty i am in the same positon as you, and like you i can’t believe that this is happening, i am fine when i am around my mum but when i am not with her i can’t control myself. i have been reading all about breast cancer and the likleyhood of it spreading etc, you name it, i have read it, but i have learned one thing- that is all cancers are different and everyone is different so what happens to one person may not happen to another, i am trying so hard to make myself believe this and think positive, but i know it is really really hard, and i feel that none of my friends and family understand. hope i am not making you feel worse. anyway i have found reading these forums very supportive, as it strengh that these woman have is amazing. i have found that keeping myself busy and focused on other things has helped. i am also trying to do things which help keep my mum positive like talking about things we can do when her treatment is over . i don’t know if your mum has a treatment plan yet, i found that when my mum got this i have become more focused and found things easier. i wish i could say something to make you feel better, but i also wish that someone could say something to me to make me feel better. anyway we wi,ll get through it. good luck
my thoughts are with you and your mum

jo
xxxx

hi Minnie

so sorry for the news but this really isnt the end, there’s a whole load of mums on here and the usual outcome on here is very good. As i was going through it I wanted friends and family just to listen when i needed to talk, be there for me if i had any appointments but im sure you will offer all of these things. How about your mum using this forum, she may have a lot of things she doesnt understand and this is the right place to be, the site is a god send.
Its a long journey but you get there, just be there for her thats all she will ask of you.

Take care

Tracey
xxx

Hi all

I have posted this on behalf of new user Ian.

Regards

Emma
Moderator
Breast Cancer Care

Hi Minnie,

I am sorry to hear about your Mum, My Mam got diagniosed yesterday. She came over to see me today to tell me. I didnt know what to say to her. I have a long term illness and had to tell my Mam in the past so, in a way I can sympathise to some extent, but I think this must be the most devastiting type of cancer for a woman. Its not just fighting the cancer but also the psychological issues and body image etc. She is going back next friday for the “results” of the biopsy. Her consultant is 99.9% certain that the tumors is cancer. At least they think they have caught it early enough to have a lumpectomy and radiotherapy.

We did go out today for some retail therapy! and then came home with some nice coffee and cakes! anyway like you there is so many emotions you feel and go through. Yes your strong when you are with them, but you dont know what to do when your home.

I suppose all we can do is be there for them, care and comfort them.

Wishing you and your mum all the best
Ian
x

MInnie01 & Ian

Currently feeling very sorry for myself. I have just (24 hours) joined the club know as “I Am The Only Person In The World Going Through This”. Membership Criteria (in my case) has so far been Membership Numbers = “ME” :-

Membership criteria has been - Mum cries and tell me her bad news, next I worry about how it will affect me (I’m now looking at how selfish I am!).

The next stage of Membership is

  1. Denial (about 1 hour from when my Mum told she had BC - 24 hours ago). She’s obviously wrong!
  2. Booze (for the worst part of 15 hours)
  3. Feeling sorry for MYSELF (I’m still an arse!)
  4. Belief that I can find a ‘cure’ on the internet
  5. Stumbeling across people who have been there, seen it, and have worn the T-shirt (sometimes twice or more)
  6. Hoping to find solace from those who have been there already.
  7. Realise that ME, I am not alone.

Thank you to EVERYONE who has posted on this website. I have spent the last 5 hours realising that I am a self-absorbed IDIOT who needs a kick up the arse. Nature will out, but there is a lot of hope out there and I want to plumb into it.

21 September 2007 is the big day for my Ma - what can I do to show I am not a rubbish son?

D

Minnie01 & Ian

I really want to hear from you - let’s ALL shove this right back up the bad news.

F

Hi everyone,

Thank you so much for your words of support. It’s kind of nice knowing that i’m not on my own, although I wish so much that none of us were having to go through this. My mum saw the sugeon on Friday and she is now having a lumpectomy this Wednesday. My dad will be going with her but i will be going to see her Wednesday night in hospital, i’ll take my little girl with me, that always cheers her up a bit.

You are all right, we just need to listen and be there for our brilliant mums.

Hope everyone else is coping ok and I am thinking about all of you. Let me know how everyone is doing when you get the chance. I’ll let you all know how my mum does on Wednesday. Z xxx

Hi,

My Mum was also diagnosed last week. Like many, I am totally in shock. My Mum is my only family and I love her so much. It was at first a shock to hear it was cancer, but they said they thought it was an early one so we both hoped it would be a case of surgery and radiotherapy. Sadly not. She will have to undergo a course of chemo and then surgery. Although I still can’t believe it, I’m starting to tell myself I have to deal with it and together we will beat it. Although it’s going to be such a journey, we’re going to do it together. I’m going to go with her for the chemo and help after and in the weeks inbetween when she feels OK we’re going to do some nice things together and I’m going to ensure she still meets up with friends and has a nice time. I know this is going to be awful, but I want to do everything I can to make it as bearable as possible. I’m now just praying that it hasn’t spread and that we can get started on the treatment.

There’s nothing that can prepare us for this, but after speaking to a friend who has been in the same position she gave good advice - be strong and tell yourself that you are not going to let this beat you. Together we will all overcome this.

Good luck to everyone.

hi minnie

just would like to wish you and your mum the best of luck for wed. im sure everything will go just fine. xxx

hi michelle

sorry that you find yourself in the same positon as the rest of us here. keep strong and we will all get through this together,

Hi Michelle, Hi Jo,

I know what both of you are going through and it sounds to me like you are both doing a brilliant job in keeping your mums up and positive which is, unfortunately, all we can do at the moment. I’ve got the day off work tomorrow now so I am going up to the hospital with my mum and dad. Just to give a bit of support to my dad really. Anyway I’ll let you know how it goes and please keep in touch with how your mums are doing. xxx

I know how you all feel. I lost my Mum to bone cancer 7 years ago. I thought things couldn’t ever be worse than that awful period … now my gorgeous daughter has breast cancer. I have been a teaching assistant in English for the last 15 years and i am good with words but believe me I have no words to explain fully how I felt when we were told and the emotions I am going through. ‘It should be me’ was my first thought but of course it isn’t and i have to be the strongest person around to help my daughter get through this. She has a particularly aggressive cancer which has already spread and at one point they were talking about not even operating as ‘there would be no point’ they said … definitely can’t explain what went through my head that night. My husband and I were driving around at 11pm because we couldn’t settle enough to go to bed. You feel so useless and you can’t believe it has happened to you. At the present time they have decided to operate after all when the chemo finishes in October at least there is a little hope there. I can’t even contemplate her not winning this damned battle even thpugh we were told there is a strong possibility that we won’t win in the end but i refuse to think that far ahead. Life without my gorgeous girl would be unbearable. We take each week and each appointment as it happens. Its strange how we find some strength form somewhere. Anyway just thought i would put in my two pen’orth and say how i know how you are all feeling, just try to stay as strong as you can … but its not easy when someone has blown a hole in your world is it?

Hi zotam

I feel for you so much. i know exactly what you mean when you say i wish it was me going through it. For you to lose your mum must have been unimagineable but now your daughter has it - i have a young daughter (only 3) so i can kind of imagine what you must be going though although, obviously, not totally. i think you are doing the best thing by taking one day at a time. Just remember that we are all thinking of you and your family and also everybody else that is going through this awful situation. Really, really hope everything turns out ok for your daughter x

Thank you so much minnie01 … knowing there are other people out there who are rooting for us all really helps. Cancer can be such an awful and lonely disease as people don’t want to talk about it but this site is wonderful and i have found out so much more about breast cancer and the treatments. I so hope your Mum comes through this Ok too. They can do so much now. The mother of a girl i work with has just had the all clear after a horrible year, so encouraging. My daughters problem is that she discovered a lump in her back about the time of her first chemo for the breast cancer which we all thought was just a fatty lump but after a biopsy it was discovered that the lump had breast cancer cells in it which means that the cancer has spread beyond the breast … so we are into a whole new ball game. The consultants say they have never come across it before. I still can’t believe it as she went to the Dr straight away when she found the breast lump on Good Friday … they thought it was a cyst and so it was a month before they got to do the biopsy on her breast lump. She has Inflammatory Breast Cancer which is very aggressive and we think that it spread within that month of waiting. As she is young and was very healthy before all this then we are still hopeful that all the treatment will at least keep it at bay for years to come. I can’t bear thinking of the alternative! I will post any news as it happens and we will continue being optimistic, I feel its the only way to be. Tell your Mum that there are loads of us thinking about her and wishing her well … you too of course as you will need, and will find, strength that you didn’t know you were capable of.

Hi All

I have posted this on behalf of new user Ian

Sam
Moderator
Breast Cancer Care

Hi Everyone

Its so encouraging to hear from you, but sadly so many of us are going through this,
My Mum saw her consultant today, not grade 1 as originally thought but 2, Lumpectomy/radiotherapy, possible a second op, and possibly chemo.oestrogen reponsive tumor, so off the HRT too!!!

We have a family wedding in 2 weeks so consultant said for Mum to go and in hospital straight after.
Like so many of you have said it going to be long windy road, but we will all get there together both here and with our famillies.

The reality of it does bite! I think i am sorted with it then I have a wobble and cant stop crying! I am expecting the emotional roller coaster that is BC

My mum has spent most of her time during the day with me as she has been put off sick from work (She’s as nurse!) while Dad is at work,We have the job of going to see my Grandma tomorrow, to announce the “bad news”. I am going to help Mum out and probably will take her to Radio as Dad probably couldnt get all the time off work. Then we have some retail therapy and do great stuff in between. When SHe is up to it. We had a family meal tonight and had a good laugh and joke and enjoyed some nice food and a few drinks. My nephew (their grandson) is coming over to my Mum & Dad’s tomorrow for the day and staying over, They will enjoy that and have a good time.

Best Wishes to everyone and their familes and especailly Mum’s

Take it one step at a time
Ian

Hi,

I hope everyone is OK. I am so pleased to be writing that the results of the CT and bone scan were clear. My Mum had convinced herself it had spread and I wasn’t sure just what I would do if she lost hope too, but thankfully we finally had some good news. Chemo starts tomorrow - I can’t imagine how my Mum is feeling because I’m scared out of my wits. I seem to suffer sleepless nights and bad stomach pains for days before with anxiety. I just hope it doesn’t give too many side effects tomorrow, the thought of Mum feeling ill kills me. As I said to my boyfriend, I would rather it was me having to go through it than her, but as it’s not the case I’ll do all that I can to make this as bearable as possible. I’m off to buy travel bands, ginger biscuits, pineapple and magazines in preparation tonight so fingers crossed all will be OK!

Good luck to everyone xx

My Mum was diagosed with Breast Cancer in July. It hit us all hard as there is no history of cancer in the family and my Mum as a young 65 year old. Everything happened so quickly. She had a lumpoctomy and the 3cm lump and lymph nodes were removed. My sister and I were with her when the doctor said it had travelled to 4 of her lymph nodes and she’d have to have a bone, lung and liver check. Thankfully they came back okay but when my Mum called to tell me, she was so emotional through relief. She’s so far had two chemo sessions and all hair has come out. She got her NHS wig and everyone says how glamourous she looks, which is a real boost.

Michelle, I had the same symptoms as you. I threw up for a whole weekend and had terrible pains. I felt awful as it should be my Mum getting the sympathy and she was more worried about me. I couldn’t talk to my sister about it for ages. I am a very positive person so the thought of my Mum dying was not an option. I told her that we would deal with each stage and worry about what we knew about and not the thousands of what ifs that there are when cancer is mentioned. Thankfully my Mum has not been sick with the chemo and is amazed that she can carry on with her day even though she is meant to be ill. She has a very positive attitude and won’t let it knock her down. I so wanted to take it away and go through it for her as I’m younger. I felt so guilty that I waited so long to have my daughter, she’s nearly 2, as I thought my Mum could have had more years as a Grandmother, but my wonderful Mum assured me my daughter came when it was right for me. She has said to both me and my sister that we cannot put our lives on hold for her. We both have husbands and children that have to come first. My Mum is a truly remarkable woman and I wish I was half the woman she is.

Thank you for all sharing your stories. I’m sitting at work crying reading but I’m happy I have found other people who are going through the same thing. Cancer doesn’t just affect the person, it affects all of us and we are allowed to feel so many emotions. Lynn x

can i make a comment as a mum whose been through the cancer battle in the last year? if it wasnt for my daughter i dont know where i would have been ,she was and still is my rock throuout my treatment and car to every appointent with me and took notes down (as im hopelessly forgetful)everytime i saw the oncologist, so i say to everyone with a parent who is going through this just be there to listen and support even when you feel your not appreciated belive me you are my daughter had to cope with me and her 3 boys as well as working and she deserves a medal. im now returning to work next month so there really is light at the end of for me a very long tunnel. stay strong i wish you all well .love lynn xx

like Aroma my hubby and my kids have been my rock, this is a hard journey for anyone, as a mum i know that i want my kids to live a normal life, i know they don’t cos they worry about me!!! i love them for that, but i want them to live their lives, just like i lived mine and still do, but not quite in the same way, this is hard for us all, i sometimes think that it hits our kids harder than it hits us, and it hits us pretty hard. Michelle, Minki and Ian, we mums love our kids, and we know you love us, don’t ever feel guilty about anything, as we would never want you to, please know that

lots of love

Alisonxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Hi, Hope everyone is well today. I have read through this post, and it made me cry.

My mum was told 3 weeks ago that she had breast cancer, (she thinks it is a lump that she has had for a long time), any way, she has just had a lumpectomy, and is waiting for the results. She will start radiotherapy, once they have these. I am trying to remain positive, but I get the feeling that she thinks it may have spread, she feels very well in herself, but cant rid of certain body problems, and she thinks this is due to the cancer spreading. How do I remain strong, and how do I stop the tears from falling everytime I see her?

Thanks and bestwishes to all of you and your families.