mum I am losing my mum and it hurts so so much. She has liver and bone secondaries with some affecting her brain. From being a mum who was kind. gentle and so caring she has become a shadow of herself. She is so distant from us all now. It is very very hard. We are looking after her at home the best we can. I miss her terribly.

If I go to hold her hand or hug her she is not responsive at all. She forgets what she is doing or will repeat herself then get angry with you because she thinks we arent making sense. She cries out for her own mum who is no longer alive, she makes references to wanting to go home and that she doesnt want to go on with it. I know she is so very frustrated as she has lost her dignity and pride as we have to help her to the toilet and wash her now. I dont know what to do to help her or make her feel better.

The ONC has upped her steroids today to see if that will improve things. She is due radiotherapy to the base of her skull in 2 weeks time and I really hope this might help with some of these symptoms.

Does anyone else have a smiliar experience? I feel sick with concern for her and Ijust want to comfort her but she doesnt know me sometimes I am sure.


Helpline missfishy90

I am sorry you are having such a difficult time, please feel free to contact out free phone helpline on 0808 800 6000 if you would like to talk to someone in confidence about how you are feeling at the moment.
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The team comes from a variety of backgrounds, so callers get to talk to someone who has an understanding of the issues they’re facing.
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i do feel for you so much, i can’t think there is anything else you can do for your mum that you are not already doing.
i think those of us who are going through this perhaps are not going through the same pain as a loved one goes through, if that makes any sense. we are dealing with it on a different level.
it’s that feeling of helplessness that you feel.
sharon. x

SENDING A HUG to you missfishy. Words won’t really help at the moment, but just to let you know we are all thinking of you.

hugs ((((((((((((((((((((((((())))))))))))))))))))))))))

take care all
love Linda

Hello Missfish90,

everything you have wrote reminds me of 5 years ago when my gran was diagnosed with advanced stomach cancer. From a vibrant, feisty woman who loved her role as head of the family, what she turned into in a matter of weeks was shocking for us all to witness.
Like your mum, she was not responsive to our touches, seemed very remote, and there was alot of anger with her, at the time this was so hard for us all to deal with, as well as dealing with the diagnosis of her illness. As my gran was being cared for in her home, for her also the total indignity of being reliant on us to help with toilet needs / washing and general care made her feel burdensome on us. As the time went on, there were good days in amongst the very bad days and she would seem like herself.
For my gran, i know she expressed that she felt she had let us down and was a burden on us and that she hated causing us all such upset. Nothing could be further from the truth, of course it was very upsetting seeing someone we absolutely loved and adored in this situation but we all pulled together and tried our damnest to make her comfortable.
It has only been since my own personal diagnosis that i have thought how I would feel in that scenario and can understand how my gran was feeling.
I know you say you want to comfort her but you think she doesnt know you sometimes, but i would say to you your mum does know you are there, it is just so hard for her to to show you how she feels, as she has so much going on just now.
Totally feel for you, not a nice situation to be in, but you sound a good daughter and I am sure your mum will know that as well.
wishing you lots of luck and sending very good wishes xxx