I have no idea where to start. Mum was diagnosed a couple of months ago and i don’t think i have really come to terms with it that well.
Having read some of the posts i feel re-assured that being scared/angry terrified is ok. I know the family and I are not alone and now its happened to us i feel for each and every one of you out there facing this.
Mum isn’t coping to well at the moment and i feel pretty useless. I am positive for her as much as i can be but when she has a really low day i just do not know what to do - what can you do?
We do know that ay treatment will be management only, which is also quite hard to come to terms with. I really want her to fight with all her power but i am scared that it will all get too much and she will just want to give up.
I haven’t really been able to vent off anywhere else so i do apologies for this!
I am so sorry that you are having to go through this. I can only imagine what it must be like to see your mother, probably always strong and coping before the diagnosis (dx), suddenly having such black days.
You are quite right it is OK for you both to feel the way you do. You may hear many of us say this is like a bereavement, and in a way it is because lives will never be the same again, there is a sense of loss of the life you led before dx. You may find in time things turn out positive but different.
I think that once your mother has begun to take treatment she may feel that she is gaining a little control back. You don’t say what treatment she has to have, if it is chemo she may have in her mind the old images of wretched people very thin and looking awful, it doesn’t always have to be like this. Talking from experience chemo is unpleasant but sickness can be controlled, hair loss is a side effect, but my every day life went on and a week after each treatment I was back at work full time.
Only your mum can truly know what it feels like so bear with her, as I am sure you will, but don’t beat yourself up if you feel you can not get through to her. To be honest on the black days I have had nothing and nobody could say anything to bring me round, I just make the most of the good days.
You may wish to read the book ‘Coping With Breast Cancer’ by Dr Terry Priestman. If you only read page 66 it will help. When my 2nd recurrence happened I felt that the end of my life was in sight, this book really helps with clear language and reinforcing a real sense of hope. I found the book at the library and found it so helpful I have purchased a copy to dip into on those black days.
Hi, from reading your message I’m guessing your Mum has Secondaries? My treatment has been for management only since 2003. There are lots of messages which may be of comfort to you and your Mum in the Secondaries Forum. It’s hard for us and perhaps even harder for our families to come to terms with our disease being managed rather than taken care of but our treatment is still hard hitting and it can be very effective.
I live well, neighbours and some others haven’t a clue I’m ill let alone terminally ill. There may be many months even many years still left to look forward to. It took me several months to get my head round my diagnosis, my mind shut down and I could only deal with small doses of info at first. Hope my message has helped a little.
Best Wishes to you and your Mum.
Belinda.
I just want to say that it was pleasing to see there was a more positive day. I hope the last appointment gave some useful support for your mother.
Princess18 is really good at sending cyber hugs, I have felt them in the past so like her, I too will send a cyber hug. (There’s a first!)
Defiantly a better day. After a few uncertainties a form of treatment is now underway. It now seams like she has really begun to accept things a little more - almost like we have something to work towards.
I know there are good days / bad days - and I hope I will be ready and more able to support her when she most needs it.
Thanks all for continuing to listen to me. I would love to return the favour sometime. (And those cyber hugs really do help - great big one right back at all of you)
Take care