Fiona i dont think it is ever too early to do a memory box infact a few friends of mine who havent had a Dx of breast cancer have decided to do them.
My hubby is brilliant at collecting things and has the CD of which song was NO 1 when each daughter was born and also newspaper cuttings for what was in the news on that day. I want to put them in a memory box.
I want to do mine whilst i am well and to enjoy doing it. I know if i was really ill and trying to finish them it may be too exhausting. My personality is such that i always have to finish what i am doing.
With 3 daughters fairly close in age for me it is making sure i do each box equally well. I want to write a poem for each one of them.
I got my boxes from Borders and have nice note pads.
I have decided to spend an hour each week on mine to bring them up to date.
The programmes have been so well done. It will affect each one of us differently. I just have this overwhelming wish that i could mother the little girls, the oldest one is absolutely great.
I hope dad meets someone who will be a mum to them.
My girls are early 20’s and older teen, but the way it affected those two teenage girls really touched my oldest daughter.
I wonder if they will do a follow up on how each family is coping?
I have appreciated reading your post just now - thank you. Can I ask are you primary dx or secondary - if you dont want to answer I respect that fully.
I just thought I was maybe being premature - but since I am not with my daughters dad (for the last 8 or so years) jus thought it would be something to start- I already did a photo album starting about 8i years ago (one I got for a birthday) just about special times with little comments by the side - so in typing this and saying that (if that makes sense) maybe a memory box is not such a morbid idea???
You say you got your boxes from Borders - what is that??
As you say the programmes have been done so so well - with no ‘dying scenes’.
Although my dx is still primary, it’s still given me a huge sense of my own mortality! I’m definitely starting memory boxes for my kids, but I want mine to be more me and less Winston’s Wish.
One thing that I’ve always done with the kids is to let them each choose a christmas tree ornament to buy each year. They are always responsible for hanging these special things on the tree, and each has their own special box where their decorations are put away. We also add home-made things every year. When they leave home, they will have something to decorate their new places with at Christmas that will be richly resonant of our family celebrations.
As my teenage son loves cooking and is very interested in food, I’m making him a cookery book that has all our favourite family recipes in, with notes about where they came from, etc. How often have I phoned my mum to ask her for a particular recipe? What would I have done if she hadn’t been there to ask? All those memories would have been lost!
I’ve also promised myself that as soon as my hair is a decent length again, I’ll have a proper, professional family photo taken. Hopefully I won’t get ill again; but if I do, I’d like the children to have a picture of us all together while I was looking well. I’d hate it if they only remembered me as a sick person.
These are just some of my ideas. What things would other people put in their boxes? I’d love to know!
Yes I am interested to know what others put in their boxes, my children are 16 and 13 so I thought the recipie idea a really good one. I haven’t been able to watch the Mummy Diaries as it starts just as my daughter gets back from Guides and I am sure to cry and I think I have put them throuh enough of that for now although have always tried to be honest. I do hope that it is repeated or released on DVD
Kathryn
I agree the program is really good. I have been in tears the past two weeks after watching it. I lost my mum to breast cancer in aug this year. i so wish she would of been here to watch it.
I have decided to make my own memory box of my mum to show futher grand-children just how wonder of a person my mum was.
I started writing a “Monday diary” yesterday where I will write to my son once a week and tell him what we have been up to and about bigger life issues as and when I feel like it. It feels good to have finally committed to doing something of this nature.
I also sobbed my way through last week’s programme. Very sad, very moving but very interesting. My thought are with Wendy and Vanessa’s family…
I love Stockbeck’s idea about the Christmas tree decorations and will be starting that this year!
Since my diagnosis just over 4 years ago my main fear was that I would die and my children would have no idea about who I was as they were and are so young. Each day since I have done a diary and scrap book of the things that we have done, cinemas tickets, party invites etc. On the day on my diagnosis I go and have a photo taken with them which is a nice way to celebrate a dodgy day.
I also started a memory box type of thing 2 years ago after being diagnosed with breast cancer age 31, my son had just turned one and I honestly thought I wouldn’t live for him turning 2. His 4th birthday is in January and it certainly is a day to celebrate as is each day! I keep a large box in my wardrobe and put in anything I think has a special significance, cards, photos, etc. I have also started after watchin the Mummy Diaries keeping a diary also.
I have been very upset watchin the mummy diaries but astounded at these lovely woman, and feel very grateful that they have allowed cameras into their private personal lives at a time when most people would shut themselves away.
I watched the last programme of this documentary last night and was impressed with the way the whole series has been handled.
Dawn, it was so courageous of you to let the cameras into your private life, but as you said, the message is strong that children need to be prepared if their mother is seriously ill. You have such wonderful children and family and they all came across as very loving and supportive. I am sure the programme has helped them as well to come to terms with your prognosis. Despite your poor prognosis I do hope, and I am sure others will echo this, that you will still have many more months with your brave little family. My heart goes out to all of you and of course to all the mothers who may use this site and find themselves in the same situation.
hi dawn wached the program and your family are terrific, such beautiful children! best wishes to you ,i do hope you continue to stay well and strong. much love lynn xx
Just wanted to thank you all for your kind words. It was such a wonderful experience to work on the Mummy Diaries and I think I am a little sad that it is over. Everyone that we have worked with has been fantastic and it was a privilege to meet the other families involved. I am obviously very sad that Pam, Wendy and Vanessa were not here to share this moment with us all as they too would have been proud of the results following 18 months of filming.
Now out of the limelight, I can continue to write more of my Mummy Manual without worrying about embarressing myself over telling my husband that he should put the toilet seat down or he needs to start improving his memory for fear of forgetting to pick the children up from school (believe me it has been known on a number of occasions)!!
Anyway, love to everyone especially to dippykate who I know is going through a rough patch at the moment.
Just wanted to say i agree with all thats been written on above posts. i got so much from those programmes.
Dawn you are tremendous. Can we have the website for your ‘blogg’ you are writing?
Your hubby is very much like mine. thankfully my kids are older and i have not got secondaries. I think most men forget everything. I was away this weekend and woweeee he made a roast dinner but left the oven on from 11 til 6. Never gave someone a card i had asked him too. Never texted me back about a lift home from station. Who are the weaker Sex here?? haha!!
Can i also say thinking of Dippy Kate too, she doesnt post much on this site but i am sure there are so many of us who have been touched by her, her care kindness and courage. Wonderful brave lady. Hope she is home soon from hospital.
If anyone does genuinely believe the father of their children to be useless, the answer is not to leave messages for them to ignore in the future, but to make them change now?
It seems to me that if dad is competent, leaving loads of notes is just patronising and will undermine his position. Am I the only person who regarded this as a major flaw in the psychologist’s advice?
I personally didn’t find the notes patronising, infact felt most of them to be light hearted, especially the one advising the son not to call his dad a plonker. I think it also gave the mums some comfort in that they still had some guidance and say in their children growing up without them.
Also think it depends on the age of the children and what hours mums and dads work.
I think with v young children, keeping to familiar routines/foods etc is vital in keeping their equilibrium in the early days of bereavement. So, the more help the dads and other carers get with that, the better.
Mine are a bit older, and I see it more as an opportunity to have my two penn’orth on subjects that haven’t arisen yet - e.g. boyfriends and sex, choosing clothes, life decisions. There are ceratin conversations I’d like to have with my daughters when they get there, but they aren’t at that stage yet, so it would be meaningless to try to have them now. Leaving my thoughts written down gives me a chance to feel i have some input, and gives them the opportunity to benefit from my vast wisdom - and then probably ignore it!
Jacquie
I watched the last of the mummy diarys as i did’nt know anything about it until dippykate was telling me about it (i’m one of the Gobby Gang!) and i realised once i saw you that we have met! i briefly met you at Jim the Firemans retirement do! We only had a brief chat but like you i’m in Reading, so please feel free to send me a message if you’d like to meet up for a brew anytime.
You were fab and your daughter definatley had me in tears! i think its everyones fear to leave their children and i know when i was diagnosed that was my biggest fear. i dont want to say your being brave as that always winds me up, bit dont know what else to say really!!
Shout if you want that brew anytime, Lots of love and best wishes,
Claire xxx