My best friend
My best friend We learned last week that even though the mets in my best friends brain are shrinkable, the future is bleak. They are quoting 18 months! She is, as she has been all the way though, totally amazing. I don’t know how she is coping. It hasn’t even been a year since the initial diagnosis, but they said it was agressive, I don’t think any of us realised quite how agressive it is. She is being practical, needing to be as she has 2 small girls. Myself and 2 other friends are helping as best we can. Her parents have now taken their heads out of the sand and are now helping, her husband, well what can I say that would be allowed on this site! He won’t discuss anything, doesnt show her any affection, they sleep separately. But I think my friend has even come to terms with that. She has no anger, has never sat there moping and asking ‘why me?’. She keeps telling me things could be worse! She starts radio next week, hopefully when the effects of that wear off, she will have the mobility back and be able to spend quality time with the kids. She is hoping to take a few holidays, nothing spectacular, just where the kids want to go.
She seems to be dealing so well, so why do I feel like I’m falling apart?
I’m trying to be strong, I try not to fall apart in front of her. I know she really appreciates everything I am doing for her, but I feel like I want to do more. I have this really horrible guilty feeling. When she had the CT scan, she was really scared and I told her that even if it is the cancer it is treatable. I told her that it didn’t mean it was the end. Now I feel like I’ve lied to her and let her down, given her false hope. I knew that being in the brain was very serious, but everything I had read said it was treatable, so I thought I was helping.
Anyway, the main reason for my posting here was to ask if anyone can advise on how best to tell the kids, they are 5 and 7, I know she feels she needs to talk to them, but doesn’t know what to say for the best. this is another area her husband is being useless, he won’t even discuss it with her. I have offered to be there with her, but personally I think it is something that mummy and daddy should do together.
I come here once or twice a week and read posts and I would like to say how inspirational you all are, especially those of you who are suffering. Although I may sit reading some of the posts with tears streaming I always leave the site feeling more positive and feeling like I can face another day. Thank you
Karen
Publication Dear Karen
I have added a link to a Breast Cancer Care publication on Talking to children that your friend may find helpful.
breastcancercare.org.uk/docs/talking_with_children_0.pdf
Kind Regards
Forum Host
Breast Cancer Care
Hi Lola,
Thanks for your response, you sound very much the same as my friend, she is looking at it in the same way. We are all going to die, its just she will be going a bit sooner than expected. She feels she is lucky ad she knows it is going to happen and can plan for it and say her goodbyes. She seems very much in control. The tumour is in the brain stem, so at the moment there is little other than radio, although I have told her to ask her onc about the gamma knife surgery I’ve seen mentioned on this site. Am also looking into all other alternatives, goja berries and apricot kernals anything that may give her a bit more quality time. At present she just wants to get the radio over with and then begin to enjoy the rest of her life. It is very difficult to leave her side and I have discussed this with her and told her to let me know if I’m smothering her. I’m letting her take the lead, I will talk if she wants to, but I’m trying not to keep bringing it up, although the conversation always seems to come back to it. She has always been a very independent person and I know to watch her slip down into relying on others for everything is going to be hard.
The strength she has is amazing and when I read the posts on this site from others who have been diagnosed with this awful disease, like yourself I feel very humble and very guilty for moaning about silly things in my life. But I am not going to let it get us down, I know it is going to win but I’m going to fight it all the way.
Thanks again for your reply and good luck to you with your fight.
Karen
xx
Could the user ‘Lola’ please contact the Moderator of this site via the following email address please:
moderator@breastcancercare.org.uk
Kind regards
Sam
Forum Host
Breast Cancer Care