Here goes!!!
After watching a very funny episode of ‘Shameless’ 4 weeks ago(which involved breast and testicular cancer awareness)i convinced myself i had found a lump.
After 2 days of continuous feeling i got an appointment to see the doctor. She confirmed this and got me referred. That was on a Thursday.The following Tuesday the referral letter dropped through my door with an appointment for the coming Thursday.
I went to my appointment and had an examination,mammogram and scan with biopsies.I had to go back to the doctor before i left and it was then that i was told that i had a very large chalky mass in my right breast,they were extremely concerned and i was to come back the following Wednesday with somebody to be told my biopsy results.
That week seemed like a year but when i went back i got the news i didnt really want,i had DCIS and would need a mastectomy as the area was so large. Also i had to go for more invasive biopsies to see what was happening at the other side of the mass. I was told again to come back the following Wednesday.
Wednesday came and off i went again this time to be told that the new biopsies that they had taken had showed that it was invasive and had spread.
Gosh i thought is this really happening it all seems mad.
As i sit here writing this my head is pounding and to be honest i don’t know whether i am coming or going.Everyone around me is amazed how well i am taking everything but what else can i do. I refuse to sit in a corner and cry, that would be no good as i have 2 young sons 10years and 7 years.
Tomorrow i go into hospital for some lymph nodes taking out so they can be checked and then they should know which way my treatment will go. I definately need a mastectomy but i may need chemo as well.
Sorry for going on a bit but even though my friends and family are amazing and nobody can do enough for me, they dont truly understand how i feel sometimes and how scared and frightened i am.I know all of you do as you are all experiencing the same.
Wish me Luck x x x
OH TFITHURSDAY so sorry to welcome you to this forum, but you will find plenty of support here from people who know exactly what you are going through right now. I think the title of your thread rings bell with most of us, as it seems like you have stepped on to a rollercoaster that takes over from all of your normal activities.
You are at the worst stage right now, waiting to find out exactly what you are facing - this is the most frightening bit, and I think most of us have found it a helps at least a little once we know what to expect in terms of treatment and time.
Good luck with your lymph node sampling tomorrow.
I am sure there will lots of others also offering support very soon, and you may be able to pal up with others just starting this journey (I am currently part way through chemo, and only had a WLE not a mx).
Love and hugs to you
Suexx
I’ll second what Sue is saying. Once you know your diagnosis and treatment plan you will feel a lot more in control than you do right now. You can get a lot of support and even some laughs from the people on this forum.
Best wishes
Dawn
Hi TFITHURSDAY, I hope you will find this forum a friendly and supportive place. My boys were the same age as yours at my dx last year, the days&weeks from having symptoms, investigations, and diagnosis are very surreal and I called it my “parallel universe”, life seemingly carried on as normal with school runs, etc but I was in shock, couldnt really believe it was me with Breast Cancer? I took a day at a time, I had no expectations as how I should/or shouldnt feel and once the mx was done and I had the results, focussed on getting through chemo and I found sharing my experiences on here very helpful, I hope you will, too!
We were very open with the boys and they have done very well, we used all the proper terminology and school was aware what was happening, too. Amazing really how resilient children are.
You could always call the helpline here, they are amazingly supportive, too.
Good luck. x
Hi
Sorry you have joined us but thank goodness you did!
You are at the worst part - we all agree on this. The thing takes a life of its own and you find yourself in the strange position of having a lot to take in but also waiting to know what’s what.
Although the news you had was not what you wanted to hear you should be proud of yourself for going to get it sorted. It wouldn’t sort itself on its own.
Once the treatment starts you will feel much better and you will find that life becomes a new ‘normal’ with bits of proper normal in between. I’m on my 5th chemo of 6 and then a mastectomy (mx) and immediate reconstruction, there have been a few rough days but i’ve also had weekends away, meals out, etc.
When i was in the waiting part i had a prescription for sleeping pills, which really helped - this might be useful for you.
Keep posting, best of luck. x
Thank you to each and every one of you for posting replys to me.
I have just come back home from taking my boys to their nan’s for a couple of days while i am in hospital.
I was very overwhelmed when i came back on here and saw what you all had put, but to be honest as the boys aren’t here at the moment i let everything out that i needed to and am sure i will feel a whole lot better for doing so.
I know i will feel a whole lot better when i know my full diagnosis and treatment plan as then i will be able to look forward a lot better and take back some control. At the minute i feel i have no control at all.
Hello
So sorry that you have had to join us but the warmest of welcomes to you.
I agree with all the comments so far and as SCACO has said you are at the worst part, the “waiting room” is the most horrid place and we all hated it and wanted to get out but sadly it is part of the process, you will be out of it soon and starting the road to treatment.
I am two weeks post WLE and had my results yesterday. IDC 30mm lump, High Grade 3 (very aggressive) but no spread to node so that is good news. Meeting Oncologist on Tuesday next week to discuss chemo treatment and start date so just about to embark on the treatment side of things. A rough road but with all the support and advice on here I feel sure I will come through it relatively unscathed.
You description of the thread is in fact where I still am so I can totally understand and sympathise. I have spent the last week asking my husband to get my life back but sadly that cannot happen and you have to try, hard as it is, to embrace the new one and hit it head on. You WILL do this just hang on in there and keep posting on here, we are all here to be your strength whenever you need it.
Lots of love
Tracy xxx
TFIT, as the others have said, welcome. I know you probably don’t believe it, but this bit really is the worst, because of the mess it makes of the inside of your head. I spent ages feeling like it really wasn’t real. Even after surgery, even after getting my results, even when I had my long hair cut off, none of it felt real. (Even now it doesn’t feel real sometimes until I happen to wander past a mirror and get a shock at the baldy woman looking back at me.)
Make yourself at home on the forums. Ask anything you like, even if you think it’s a silly question. THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A SILLY QUESTION. I’ve asked some really daft ones but they were bothering me, so I asked, and got answers.
Make use of the helpline as much as you need to. They are really wonderful, and so supportive.
Best of luck tomorrow, and do come back on to let us know how you get on so we can send you warm hugs. We’ll be thinking of you.
CM
x
Waiting for results is definitely the worst part of the whole horrendous situation we find ourselves in.Once you know what your treatment plan is you can start to look forward and progress through it all,it is a bit of a cliche but you do embark on a rollercoast much of emotions,I can only describe my feelings were that I was having an out of body experience looking from the outside in,at times it still seems surreal! I wish you the best of luck in starting out,keep in contact on here as you will find the support,help and information is invaluable,and so useful for when you find you have days where you feel very alone you just need look on the forum and you will find there is a whole group of us in the very same boat!
Lots of luck,love and best wishes Laura xx
Hi all,
Thought i would come on and let you know how i got on with my little op. I had to be at hospital early as i was having blue dye/isotope guided auxillary node samples done. As far as i am aware everything went ok. I was discharged the same day at 8.30 at night. Took some painkillers before i went to bed but still didn’t get much sleep. I have a sheet of exercises to do every day and have to keep the wound dry. I dont know how big the cut is but it has stitches in and the dressing is about 4"/5" long. I have been signed off work and do feel quite sore. I now have to wait for a letter from the hospital to see my consultant for my results. That will possibly be in 2 weeks(Royal Wedding day).The wait seems so long but i do have every faith in the team of doctors and nurses who are in charge of my care. They are excellent and know exactly what they are doing, so i know i am in the best hands.
Hello TFIThursday
Glad to hear all went well with the surgery, just remember it takes a little while to heal so do take things easy and don’t over do it or you will suffer for it and I speak from experience. You may (or may not if your lucky) find that a couple of days after surgery you may be very tearful and down, this appears to be somewhat the norm so just go with it and tell yourself it is better to cry and get some relief than bottle it up. I cried on and off all day on day two after surgery and I was a total wreck but I did feel better the following day.
I waited two weeks for appointment with Consultant following surgery so this seems to be standard and yes it is horrid being back in the “waiting room” but keep your mind busy so as to not think too much about it and do get plenty of rest it helps.
Keep posting and do PM if you ever need to ask anything.
Love and hugs
Tracy xxxxxxx
Thanks Tracy,
Sometimes the hardest part is taking it easy! I am used to being really active and when i feel ok i just want to get on with things so at the moment my husband and mum keep telling me off every time i start doing stuff.
At the moment my emotions are ok and have been for a couple of week. They were at there worst when i was told that my 2nd lot of biopsies were invasive and also when my 6 year old(now 7) kept asking me if i was gonna die(because as he said Jade Goody did).
To be honest i am so pleased that i have found all of you because i really felt like i needed to speak with people who are going through the same right now.
I will keep posting and hope that as time goes on i too can give some comfort to anymore newbies.
Lots of hugs
Julie x
TFIT, that one from the kids is a real kick in the guts, isn’t it! The first thing to tell him or her is that not EVERYONE who gets cancer is going to die from cancer. Jade Goody had a different kind of cancer, and she was also one of the unlucky ones. But you intend to stay around for a good while longer.
I found it best to be perfectly honest with my kids, so they didn’t fear that I was keeping anything from them, but that’s just how we work as a family and things might be different for you.
My 12-yr-old asked what would happen to her and her 14-yr-old sister if “things went wrong” (and she only used the euphemism to save her sister, I spoke to her after and she actually wanted to ask “if you die”!) but it’s good that the children feel they CAN ask. She was worried that I’d pack the pair of them off to their loving but completely uni-livable-with auntie, and they were both very relieved when I told them that first of all I wasn’t intending dying any time soon, certainly not before they’d grown up and left me on my own (cue the laughter from both of them) and that even if I did end up popping my socks before they were 16, their older siblings would step in and take over, so they were saved from Auntie G. Huge sighs of relief all round, and laughter that I’d figured out what was really worrying her!
You might find the book “Mummy’s Lump” very useful with your 7-yr-old. it’s a BCC publication so you should be able to find it very easily if you google, a lot of ladies have found it to be really helpful in explaining things to younger children around your sprog’s age.
As for taking things easy, you might want to remind your husband and mum that you ARE still functioning and if you want to make yourself a cup of tea, you’re perfectly capable of doing so! I know some families are in such a worry themselves they just want to do do everything, which can be very frustrating. Accept help when you do actually need it, but feel free to push back if people are taking too much away from you. But sometimes having them make you a cup of tea is as much therapy for them as for you! It’s a difficult balancing act, but talking about it freely will probably help you all to find the right middle line.
We are a really open family so both our boys (7+11) have been told and shown exactly what is happening to me. I have explained that all cancers are different and my own dad (their grandad) is now a few years clear with prostate cancer so that has helped show them that cancer doesn’t necessarily mean you will die. I have told them about Sally Webster (Coronation Street) cause they watch that with me so can relate to her.our neighbour had a mastectomy 30 years ago and they have been told about this as well.After my Sentinal node removal on Friday the first thing i did on discharge was ring my boys (they were stopping at nan and grandads) to let them know i was on my way home from hospital and i was fine, and as soon as i saw them the following day the first thing i did was show them the dressing and the marks where all the needles had been and explain everything and they were both fine with it.
As far as people helping me, i do allow them to help if i need it but most of the time i tell them i am fine and can do stuff for myself. i know it affects them too though so i do let them do a bit.
love, Julie
Julie
I totally agree with CM in connection with people telling you to take it easy, I have had the same from my husband and mother. A week after my WLE/SNB I was planning on hanging out the washing I had just put on as the sun was shinning and it was a lovely day. When I turned round husband decided he would do it and was just about to peg on the first item when I shouted I wanted to do it. He got upset as he felt I did not trust him (I am a bit fussy!) but I pointed out it was my job and one that at this moment in time that I was capable of doing so dont take it away from me!!!
So stand up and get people to let you do what you can do!
Tracy xxxxx
Had my letter through from the hospital yesterday for my appointment for node removal results. Its next Wednesday 27th, so waiting room here i come again. Whatever it is i am ready for it, i will just be so glad to hopefully start treatment whatever that may be(mastectomy or chemo & mastectomy)
Wish me luck
Julie x x x
Hi Julie
I wish you the very very best of luck for your results on Wednesday next week, I will be thinking of you.
I have my first FEC on Tuesday am dreading that but hope the side effects will be gentle with me.
Tracy xxx
Good luck with your FEC on Tuesday Tracey. I’m sure you will be fine,i think we are all a lot tougher than we sometimes want to believe
Loads of love, Julie x x x
Thank you so much Julie, will keep you updated as to side effects (hopefully not to many!!!). You are right we are strong women and we were certainly not built to break so we keep going onwards and upwards.
Tracy xxxxxx
Got my node sample results today.
All clear.
So for now i just go in for my mastectomy and reconstruction on Tuesday.Feel so much better now my care plan is in place.