My list of insensitive comments

yup - funny crowd out there - I find the most insensitive thing with this is that all my family are aware of the cancer - and not one of them will actually broach the subject - and if I do - the subject is skirted around and then quite qucikly changed!! No real shoulder to cry on there…

Well reading this has put me in a good frame of mind for a saturday morning. Do you think we should print these off and send out with Xmas cards to these lovely people! I laughed out loud at some of them especially the amputee and loosing his wife although at the time it must have been heart breaking.

Maddison xx

Hi All,

When I told my sister about my dx she said she wouldn’t ring me during treatment as she didn’t want to disturb me, I said that if I was tired etc I could always say and speak another time but she assured me it was better her way. She did actually call a few weeks later to tell me she had been checked for BC and that everything was ok and she was also trying to see if she can get to see if we have the brac gene, I had already told her that I would be finding that out as on a trial which will be checking for that but if it makes her feel better. Don’t get me wrong, I am so, so happy her results were negative, but during that conversation she never once asked how I am and has not rang back since. She also said she couldn’t do anything as she lived too far away, one of my friends lives 10mins walk from her house and has come to stay with me for a couple of days after nearly every chemo. During that last convo with my sister my friend was at my house and my sister said to her “I see your doing your duty!!” We do live 2hrs drive away from each other so I suppose it must be very difficult!! lol.

Hugs to all,

JulieL
xxx

hi

I love my sister and she has given practical help, even though she is not in the best of health. The one thing she did say, which I didn’t want to hear was to ask if I knew what sort of side affects my treatment would give me. The other thing she did say which made me laugh, (although she had cataracts at the time so perhaps I shouldn’t have) was to ask if I was still wearing my compression sleeve for lymphoedema. I was, and I was also wearing a short sleeved tee shirt. It wasn’t until she touched my arm that she realised I was. She’s had the operation so she should be able to tell when I’m wearing it now.

Going into another area, both my sister and father have grabbed my affected arm as if they wanted to squeese it back to normal. I suppose the people who really love us just want us to go back to what we were before we got bc.

take care
sue

I am afraid I got my own back today. Someone asked me about my experience of breast cancer. I told her and she had to stop me as she felt sick - I did go into far too much detail - e.g. my wound infection with a hole made in the side of my breast, my time in hospital over christmas and my six months misdiagnosis. She will never speak to me again

Mole

I live next door to my aunt who has been very good during my treatment but she does seem to want to have the “glory” of my bc.

She was about to drive me to the hospital a couple weeks ago. As we were pulling out of my drive, a van driven by the man who has supplied us both with carpet in the past stopped to let us out. She turned to me and said “That was Eric. I expect he knows where we are going” Me - “why would he know”. Her - “I was in the town and thought he would want to know” . (Did I want him to know???)

Yesterday when I was at rads, she took in two deliveries for me, one by Royal Mail and the other by another courier who has delivered stuff to me before (online shopping has been a bit of a habit this last 6 months). When she brought the parcels in, she told me that she had told both of them where I was and how I was doing.

She also sold tickets she had for a concert she didn’t want to go to on Ebay citing the reason for sale as having to help out a relation with cancer. She has also used me as an excuse for missing several things she didnt want to go to - whether it was because of me or not

It’s just as well I didn’t want to keep it quiet!

Sharon x

Gosh this is so true, you tell 2 or 3 people and suddenly the whole world knows. People who normally ring me are not doing and I am getting messages from them via other people. On the plus side I have had so many offers of support and prayers from people that I feel quite overwelmed.

How do I respond to this one then ladies? My partner’s ex-wife (divorced 14 years and have 2 grown up children, not remained close except for family connections…) saw me at a family party just after I started chemo. I still had eyelashes, brows, was wearing my wig and made an effort to look nice. That was 2 months ago. I had an e-mail from her yesterday, out of the blue, saying " hope you’re feeling better now"…what can I say to that??? 6 chemo’s down the line, still to have surgery…she knows all this…
Words fail me…

Thanks all for your wonderfully funny and not so funny experiences…I still can’t get my head around the “am I cured” debate. Despite being told by a consultant that I will never be classed as cured just “NED” ( no evidence of disease ). People still insist on telling me I am cured or all clear. These are all people who haven’t had cancer. I don’t think the media help when we are always being told that Kylie Minogue has the all clear. Anyway… offf to wrap some pressies. hope everyone has a good Xmas
Debbie
xxx

hi

New one to add which made me laugh a lot. Friend of OH said to him I see that the lymphoedema is still there as her face is still a bit fat. I don’t think my OH liked to say she’s just got a chubby face and that it is the arm that is affected only. more from the point of view he was imagining me wearing a compression garment on my head that looked like a balaclava. am I mad for finding it funny?

sue

No that is very funny. Would look like the Mummy. Its like when people say “when is the baby due?” when it is in the pram you are pushing. Good job you have a sense of humour Sue. Why do people make comments when they really don’t understand??? Why not remain in ignorance and keep quiet?

Debbie
x

Following mastectomy my friend’s mother told I had fed my children so why did I need my boob. Folllowing chemo for seconmday cancer my ONC’s first comment was “it will come back”… She later followed this by telling me she knew how I felt and her last comment (before I changed consultant) was "I am new to all of this, I have only been doing it it 3 years. What a sensitive soul, I don’t miss her
Mills

Hi all

I have had a laugh at the threads.

Never thought of myself as an amputee. Brilliant.

Diane

Hi all

I was diagnosed on 15th Nov and was introduced to my BC Nurse who insisted on calling my breast a titty or a booby anything but I breast,

I have now changed my nurse to someone who is not so childish

Linda

I was diagnosed last week, and everyone who knows have been very very supportive and caring, except one person who said ‘I am very sorry to hear your news, my two sisters had Breast Cancer and they both died’. That really made me feel better

A

When I told someone that I had had a mastectomy, he asked me whether I had preserved the boob in a jar.
Apparently he knew someone who kept her gall stone, so thought I might have done the same.

David

Sorry you have had to join us Annelee. I bet you were really reassured by that comment. As you go through your treatment, you will find more of those unfortunately. The trouble is, cancer has a stigma attached to it and people don’t know what to say. I am amazed at how many women (and men) have this disease and equally amazed at how many need only a small amount of treatment then can lead a normal life…almost. My point is, everyone equates cancer with chemo and desperately ill bald people when it isn’t always the case. My heart goes out to everyone who has had to endure chemo and really invasive surgery and all the other rotten things that go with both treatments, but there are millions of us out there for whom surgery and rads and maybe Tamoxifen is the only treatment we need.

Good luck anyway Annalee with your treatment and will speak to you again

Love
Debbie

I had insurance against a critical illness but before the insurance company would pay out I had to have a form filled in by my GP to say that I had been diagnosed with BC. On my next visit the GP waved the form at me saying “I’ve filled in the form for the lump sum”. He promptly went the colour of a beetroot. I couldn’t resist saying “It’s alright, I know you’ve made a bit of a boob.”. We both laughed.

Other useful puns.

Replying to those who bombard us with detail of research from the tabloids: “I’m glad to see you’re keeping abreast of developments”. Or for less than tactful remarks: “I’m glad that you’ve got that off your chest”.

I admit that I find some situations difficult to deal with. Whereas most people would ask “How are you?” some people ask “Are you well?” with an expression and tone that would drive coffin nails into mahogany (Think Clement Freud and basset hounds).

I’ve not found a witty repost to this one. I want to say “Of course I’m well…Why shouldn’t I be well?..What are you insinuating?” but I usually just say “Yes, thanks.” I did once take a couple aside and say to them that I had known them for five years and during all that time I had almost certainly had breast cancer. Now for the first time since they had known me I probably didn’t have breast cancer so there was no need to look so worried.

Witty reposts welcome.

Best wishes,

Sue

Sue, I love your last one. That is so true: for the first time in years, we are cancer-free!!! something to keep in mind during dark nights.

My sister really upset me on the telephone - thank goodness she lives 600 miles away, otherwise she might have got a smack in the mouth. I had idc, 2 surgeries, chemo, rads, and a flare of Crohn’s. When I got Mondor’s disease 2 yrs after dx and was worried it was a bc recurrence, she said: “Well, you should have had your breast off in the beginning then you wouldn’t have had to go through all that treatment.” I didn’t know she was an expert on breast cancer.