My mind is going into overdrive

I had 2 biopsies last week. Fluid one came back suspicious, probably malignant and i am getting the results from core biopsy on Wednesday. Obviously my mind is going into overdrive, thinking i have cancer, thinking it has spread, thinking that my back pain that i have had for about 6 months (thought it was sciatica) is bone cancer, thinking i will never see my daughter grow up and thinking i only have months to live. I know this sounds irrational, but it’s where my mind keeps taking me. I am really trying to be positive, but my mind keeps taking me to the dark places. I know no one can give me any reassurances but have you all been there? How do you drag yourself away from those dark thoughts.?

Oh Ginless, yes, yes, we have. There is no one right response to this - some of us go numb, some cry, some get angry, some feel like we’re in a weird bubble or a bad dream. The waiting is the absolutely pits, for most people the worst part of all. Rationality (is that a word?) will go out of the window for a while, but I can honestly say once you have the reuslts and know what - if anything - you are facing it gets more copable.

Feel free to phone the helpline here - they are really good - and ask anything you want… there is no such thing as a silly question.

Between now and getting your reuslts try not to Google. Stick to repsonsible UK sites such as this one, MacMillan and Cancer research UK. A lot of stuff elsewhere is out of date, inappropriate or wrongheaded; some is plain dangerous.

Do you have someone you can talk to about this? I am Little Miss Independent but the first thing I was told by my hospital after I went alone to the breast clinic was ‘bring someone with you next time’ not in a telling off way, but because they knew how enormous this all is.

Please keep using the forum as much as you need to, there are so many fantastic women on here with so much experience. We’d rather your visit was fleeting and that you turn out to be one of those without cancer, and if you come back with that news no one will be more pleased than us.

Try to keep your mind on other things (not easy, we’ve been there) and be very kind to yourslef.

Gentle hug cos I expect you are sore right now.

oh poor you, its only two days to go but its the going to be one of the worse 2 days you have ever had.Of course your mind is going all over the place. But you probably will not be able to controll it, if you could I doubt if you would be willingly having those sorts of thoughts.

some people try to keep busy, but I would think with small children you are run off your feet anyway. Some say anyway thought if you squash the thoughts the stay there underneath the parapet waiting to come out and haunt you when you are alone and trying to sleep.

i find writing things down helps. Making lists or flow charts. I am sure you have picked up enough information on this site to have a jolly good idea what the possiiblities are.

core biopsy negative–go home laughing and crying

core biopsy posative–check nodes, nodes negative–radiotherapy, nodes postive etc

you will find you get a long way down the page with lots of possible not too invasive outcomes before you get to the bottom— spread all over my body and even the newest drug on the market is not going to help. Perhaps seeing it all maped out in black and white will help put it in perspective. You already know that the likely hood of you have not having caught it in time to treat are very small, but your mind keep taking you there. So perhaps this excercise will help a little.

I dont know if you have rang the help line yet. But why not give it a go tomorrow to help you through the last day before the results.

Hope you manage to get some sleep tonight and hope to have you back on here wednesday with some good news

Hi ginless

This is understandably a very worrying time and, as others have already said, often the most difficult time waiting for appointments and results.

Do call the Helpline if you feel it might help to talk, they’re open 9-5 on Monday to Friday and 9-2 on Saturdays.

The number is 0808 800 6000.

Best wishes

Louise
Facilitator