My partner just diagnosed with BC!

Hi,

we went to the hospital to see a consultant on Friday (1st visit) regarding a lump found in my partners right breast. It was so much of a blurr looking back on it, neither of us are sure what exactly the outcome will be or where we stand. I think it is just we are so shocked at the moment. I am trying to be positive and have started a small notpad to jot things down on.
After a mammo and ultrasound we were told it probably was cancer - on a scale of 1 to 5 it rated a 4. Still not entirely sure what that means?
The nurse told us that it looked to be pea sized and thinks it has not spread - looks to be just in the breast.
They did a biopsy.
we go back on wednesday this week - 22nd feb.
I feel sick with worry.
I don’t know what what questions to ask? can anybody help?
I feel so lost, I want to do something but feel useless.

Hi sossukuk,

Welcome to the breast cancer care discussion forums where I am sure you will get some good, honest support from the many informed users of this site.

While you are waiting for replies just to let you know that the helpline staff are here to support you and your partner through this. Calls are free 0808 800 6000 lines open at 9am today 9-5 Mon - Fri & 9-2 Sat.

Take care,
Jo, Facilitator

Hi sossukuk

Really sorry to hear and sorry that you have had to join us on here but believe me you have come to the right place!

I was only diagnosed myself on Friday 27th Jan - yours and your partners brain will be all over the place and you are doing it right by writing everything down, it really does help.

I will be honest I found the waiting for hardest bit but as soon as I was told I had it on the 27th I was given a date for surgery there and then, I was booked in for Monday 6th Feb (unfortunately due to an allergic reaction the op couldn’t go ahead) so I am now starting chemo this Thursday 23rd. Honestly if she is diagnosed with breast cancer things do tend to move very quickly, I have been very, very impressed with the NHS and the way in which I have been treated. You will also be allocated a Breast Care Nurse (BCN) who will come and visit you and explain things to you - I’m not going to say try not to worry cos you can’t do anything but, please though let me reassure you whilst it’s a worrying time things do happen quickly and everything will be fully explained to you - write down any questions you have and take them with you on weds - I do for all my appts as otherwise I forget!!

My thoughts are with you both at this time - any q’s then please just ask, there are loads of people on here who are a lot further down the line who give inspiration / advice / virtual hugs etc!

Hi sossukuk, and sorry to be saying Welcome.

You’re doing the right things already - coming on here and making contact with people who understand. Other worthwhile things for either of you include giving the helpline a ring. It’s staffed by very knowledgeable and informative people who will be able to answer your first questions and just listen to your worries.

The notebook is a good start too, because it can be very easy to forget to ask things that you’ve thought of. Writing down your thoughts may help to get them in order, and bringing a written list of questions with you and making sure they’ve been answered helps to pace the results meeting.

THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A SILLY QUESTION. None of us knew anything either before we got this chucked at us, and only found out by asking questions. To help you work out what to ask, take a look at the Publications section of the main site. There are some very informative leaflets that will give you a good starting point for your questions.

Avoid indiscriminate googling as there is a lot of rubbish out there. Try to stick to reputable sites such as this, Macmillan, Cancer Research UK, that kind of thing.

There are a few other partners who come on the site too, so I’m sure they’ll be along soon.

Best of luck to you both, and thank you for being so supportive.

CM
x

Hi sossukuk,

I am sorry you and your partner find yourself here but you will find that it is a really supportive community.

If you haven’t seen it yet there is a booklet produced by BCC especially for partners of those diagnosed with BC.

www2.breastcancercare.org.uk/sites/default/files/in_it_together.pdf

The score of 4 out of 5 you mentioned may be a reference to the BIRADS score. 1 is normal. Anything scored 3, 4 or 5 will need further investigation. The higher the score the more suggestive of malignancy. Your medical team will be able to explain it further.

Best wishes for Wed,
Cherry

Hi sossukuk

My wife was diagnosed with BC on January 17th a day that will stay with me for the rest of my life; I walked around completely in a daze the most surreal day of my life.
Can I firstly say your partner hasn’t been diagnosed with BC yet hold onto that it might be nothing?
Since the 17th our life has been turned upside down but in all honesty once you get a diagnosis and a treatment plan it does get better, my wife has had a MX and has started Chemo last Friday in 5 weeks we have gone from diagnosis to operation and the start of treatment they don’t hang around and the staff at our local hospital are fantastic, (well except for BC nurse who is in the wrong job).
First thing she said to us was phone me anytime but not after 5pm and certainly not at the weekend.
Once my wife had her operation we then told everybody we don’t have BC anymore it has been removed the next set of treatment is to ensure it doesn’t come back.
We have dealt with this disgusting illness a step at a time easier said that done I know but it is the only way, and we talk about everything and include our daughter who is 20 and at university in those conversations.
My wife is very strong minded (there is only one dithering idiot in our family and he is writing this) but to watch someone you love going through this is very hard (she is 47) one thing you do have to though is not feel sorry for yourself again easier said that done your partner is the one who MAYBE might have to go through this.
Anyway I really hope you will only have to make one more post and that is to say everything is fine best of luck be strong and try to have only positive thoughts.

Hi Sossukuk & Kevinj.

I just wanted to say how fantastic it is that you are researching and joining this forum for your partners. Talking and sharing your concerns is the best way to get through this and whatever happens on the BC journey you will have a much better understanding of the treatments and some inspirational stories from people that have been there and got the T-Shirt.

As a single mum I am actually quite envious of ladies with partners to support them as there really is nothing better than a genuine hug and someone to talk to who has been there for every step of the journey.

I’ve actually found that this experience has made me much closer to my mum and she’s surprised me at just how amazing she is :wink: So at the end of this you may find that you have even stronger relationships from it.

Remember that you are allowed to have a little cry as well and come on here for a rant about how unfair life is whenever you need. xx