Hi all!
I have already posted some of my stuff, but now I come aback again. I am the person who has to wait six months to get an answer. I don’t talk to people about this, only my husband, so this is the one place. I don’t tell people because I can’t bear anyone to tell me not to worry it probably won’t be anything. I know that is a strong possibility, but I wouldn’t be checked if that was certain - obvious isn’t it! - and I have a friend who recently was treated for cancer in very similar circumstances.
Quick backround:
Found a very superficial lump back in March. Made appt with GP - which was 3 weeks away - but nearer the time the lump had disappeared so I cancelled. The lump had been there, very clearly, so I was puzzled, but relieved - and there was nothing to show. (Subsequently I have realised it was probably a lymph gland; my big boobs mean I am prone to heat rashes, which at times can be hard to control and can lead to some inflammation.)
The got an invite for routine mammo for mid june. Checked the site for above lump, and there is was again. Wrote it down on the form you take with you to mammo. By the time I got there is was gone again. But they told me that as I had added a comment I was likely to get called in to the clinic, so not to worry if I got the letter. Which I duly did, quite quickly in fact.
Went to clinic, assuming it was about said lump; it wasn’t - there was a suspect microcalcification (as I have since discovered they are called) in a different part of my breast. Quick panic there and then. Not because of the spot as such, but as I was due, within days, to go to Sweden to look after my 92 year old mother and I was fearful I had to cancel. Most worried about worrying her - and our daughter, who would also have to be told, as she was also joining us for a few days. Re-assured about that, as the nurse told me that any potential intervention could wait until I got back to the UK in august. Huge relief. And happy then to go along with whatever they suggested. They tried to do a triple assessment, but due to it’s small size it couldn’t been seen on ultrasound(normal, as I understand it) nor could it be felt (again normal) and they couldn’t get at it to do the stereotactic biopsy. They tried, oh, yes, they tried. But I have big boobs and this was far back, near my chest wall. So the unanimous decision was to leave it for 6 months and then start again. I was told by the BC nurse that a lump takes 9 years to grow, generally, so nothing would happen fast. I accepted all this, as I could certainly see what the problem was. But it has obviously made me anxious.
To add to this I had a similar scare about ovarian cancer about 4-5 years ago, due to having post-menopausal ovarian cysts. It was the compassion on both the nurse’s and the doctor’s face that time that did me in. That time I opted not to have my cysts out. The specialist, who I saw, used his experience and expertise to judge the cysts likely to be quite benign. To avoid anxiety he offered for me to have them out - some people do, but as I am generally averse to unnecessary ops I declined. However, that meant it took 18 months with regular checks to be finally cleared. It was a strain, not a constant one, but a strain all the same.
Back to my boobs, I went to Sweden within days of above visit to the clinic, but found that contrary to how I had thought I would feel I was sort of constantly anxious. Not to the point of not being able to do things, or enjoy myself, but as soon as activity stopped my concern tended to return. And this still happens. I can keep it in check up to quite a considerable point, but not all the way. And I tend to count the weeks to the point of marking it my diary. And trying to add it up on my fingers any quiet moment.Sort of wishing my time away, which also feels quite sad, as I feel ‘now’ is there to be experienced and preferably to be enjoyed, not to be wished away.
Then the other night I read the NICE guidelines where it states that you SHOULD have an answer within two weeks. So where does that leave me?
Consequently I contacted the helpline nurse and asked: She confirmed that it can indeed be difficult to biopsy in my situation. It happens. (So why isn’t that mentioned anywhere??? It would make me feel more one of a crowd if it was!!!)So she suggested I could go for a second opinion etc. Also said it should be possible to biopsy somehow, though it might mean an open biopsy. (don’t much fancy that one!)
Just days before that I had been in contact with the BC nurse to ask for the next appt to be after 11/1, as I go again to visit elderly mum just after Christmas, returning on 7/1, then it’s my husband’s 60th birthday. My six months are strictly speaking up on 28/12. But it would be nice just to get my Sweden visit and birthday celebrations over before I have to deal with this. And if I go for tests and wait for them it could invalidate my travel insurance.
So currently my feeling is to wait 'til jan and then go ahead, hoping that will be the end of it all, eg that the spot either has gone or not changed at all. If not I now know I cannot tolerate more waiting. And I might change my mind before then. I have also realised very much it is the not knowing that is hard. I know quite a few people, my 92 year old mother included, who have had breast cancer and are now fine. So I am not wondering if I will survive, it’s just what it is, that little spot of mine. My husband, though supportive, isn’t good with talking about what isn’t confirmed to be there. He feels, I think, it makes more of it than it is. And we did have the (unnecessary, as it turned out) anxiety about the ovarian cancer not so long ago.
The spot, by the way, was small, 5mm or less, a small bright center, sort of, and a clearly visible grey shadow around it. I could clearly see it.
I suppose I am really just looking for somewhere where I can really express my anxiety!