Need a moan before i flip!!!!!!

Hi,

I need a moan. I feel extremely hormonal today im taking hormone treatment tamoxifen and zoladex and its really getting me down and NOBODY understands. I was dx in june last year and because i didnt have to have chemo i think people just expect me to never feel like rubbish and to move on!! Its ok for them to say it as its easy for them, but god i was only dx in june!!! I have just been told to stop being miserable, but i feeol awful, i feel fat as i have put on loads of weight, had a double mastectomy and am in the process from splitting with my boyfriend…i think that my friends/family think that im jst being a moody cow!
I cant even talk to my mum and dad as when i do they smother me and literally treat me like i am a 5 year old!
Its really annoying too as i live in quit a small town so most people my age know each other (im 23) so everyone seems to know my business. It was annoying as at the time when i just found out everyone new, spread like wildfire, but nobody really knows that im “ok” physically now!!! It makes me so angry!!! It feels like people want to be in the limelight when i was ill but they just couldnt care less now!

Im sorry im really not a spoilt brat like i sound i just feel like i am going to go mad!!

Emily xx

sorry about my spelling, i have fake nails on and it doesnt do well with typing!
x

Emily - you are not being a spoilt brat and I’m sure loads of us share all your feelings. I certainly still do, sometimes more than others and I think that’s down to the lovely Zoladex !

Just because you look ok, people assume you are and I found it’s the emotional stuff that’s been worse for me rather than the physical. I think it helps them as well to see you looking ok and they then think ‘oh that’s over with - she’s fine now’ cos they don’t know how to deal with it. And I keep stuff to myself in case it worries family cos it will ! I went and had a chat with my bcn last year and she was brill.

Can’t say anything else really, other than you’re not alone and feel free to have a rant any time !!

Liz x

Hi Emily,

I’m not what you would call young (40 dx at 39) but I am too on the none chemo, zoladex, tamoxifen route and also feel old, constantly tired and quite frankly like a grumpy old woman. I was dx in Dec 2007, surgery in 2008 and have just had my one year mammo and have given up even stressing about people (friends, family etc) and their reaction to the whole BC thing.
The lack of hormones has sent us into an instant menopause so cut yourself a bit of slack and dont beat yourself up for feeling down. Its still early days for you. One of the worst problems I had getting to grips with was the hot flushes but since my GP put me on clonidine it has helped loads and my sleep patterns are getting better which in turn puts me in a better mood.
There are so many young women in here and when I hear of 23 year olds with this god awful disease it breaks my heart.
I’ve not got any words of wisdom (I’m not that old yet!!LOL) but just wanted to say hello and let you know you’re not on your own.
On the bright side it does cheer me up everytime I get classed in the younger womens groups.
Love and luck Hun. Shonagh x

Hi Emily,
You are not alone,I have been crying buckets following an appt today.I am 7 months post op (mastectomy and LD recon,no chemo just tamoxifen))and was told I could have a new nipple after 6 months so expected a date today but was told to wait another 6 months!I also have a lump on my back scar but they want to fix that at the same time so I have to go about with a plum size lump on my back just where my bra strap should go.
I have only recently returned to work (had mild depression after my diagnosis and surgery)on a phased return but some of my colleagues are a bit bitchy so that doesn’t help!
My OH is very supportive and so are my friends but they do seem to think I am OK now.
At least we can come on here and have a rant and moan!
Hugs to all
((((((((((((((())))))))))))))))))
Dot
xxx

Thank you all for posting a reply…it really is awful and am glad that i cn come on here and speak to ladies like yourselves as it really can be a loanly place. Shonagh you are still really young to get this vile desease i think i am just a freak lol!!!

Dot that is really awful that you cant get your nipple done for another 6 months, i had my recon surgery last month but still dont feel quite normal without a nipple, i find it hard to wait another month to get mine done and that seems too long, so i can understand that you feel crap!!

Hopefully ill wake up in a better mood tomorrow, wishing you all lots of love

xxxxxxxx

Hi Emily

I was dx Feb 08 with 2.1cm grade 3 , didnt have chemo, but did have lumpectomy and snb, 4 wks radio, and am on zoladex and tamoxifen, although not much longer on zoladex cos having ovaries removed soon instead. I am 35 with sons of 5 and 2. I find it really frustrating that people, even family, thinks its all over now. I have friends that dont even ask me about it anymore, and yet I am still living with an early menopause and side effects, never mind the fear of bc returning! My sister in law (lives in australia)phoned me every day when i was first dx, but by the time I was having rads she had almost forgotten, and now doesnt even mention it when she calls - which is about once every 2 months!! My family seem to think Im ok too and the odd time that I do mention something like I havent slept cos of flushes, or my ribs are painful from the rads, they seem shocked that Im not ok!!!
I try to be normal again but it is always on my mind, especially when I am in a place with lots of other young women. I always seem to be thinking that if 1 in 9 women get bc at some point in their lives, then who else in the room/playground is going to get it?! And of course theres the WHY ME?
On the other hand, when I was dx last Feb I never thought Id still be here a year later. So when I read about others like Jade Goody it makes me realise how lucky I am !
We all have good days and bad days, lets just hope for more of the good ones…
XX

Hey

Like the other ladies have said, you’re not moaning.

I too am on Zoladex and Tamoxifen (since Sept 2007) and my down days can be terrible. No-one (not even my lovely husband) can bring me out of them except me… I try and remind myself that having the hormone therapy is better than what can happen if I don’t have it!

I too had bilateral mastecomy (Aug 2007) then was DX with secondaries in my bones and had my thigh replaced with a metal implant in Oct 07…

When you say that people you know have kind of drifted off, I know exactly what you mean. When I was first DX< my husband and I had so many people doing things for us, we didn’t know where we were!! Now they see us as ‘dealing’, we hardly see a lot of them now…

There are plenty of us in the same boat on here, so please, please, please feel free to come on here each day if you have to, with your thoughts and feelings etc. I don’t come on here as much as I used to, but during my first year after DX, these forums were a lifeline for me - I hope they help you as much too.

Feel free to PM me if you want

J xxx

hi all hope you dont mind me jumping in but I went down the mastectomy recon tamoxifen route sixteen months ago and as my recon implant has gone rock hard may rupture have to be deconstructed and recon done again this time with LD Flap and implant ,but cos I didnt have chemo I have to consider my self very lucky …?I am frequently being told …oh so lucky to get the bastard disease in the first place …i do appreciate that chemo is hard but whateva treatment we have is not easy .BC is vile …the uncertaincy …the mutilation .the hormone treatment the moods !i too have friends and family that keep telling me to move on !!!easier said than done .
any how thanx for leting me in xxxxxx

Forgive me for intruding but I find it just as frustrating, inversely, to have to underestimate my own experience when we shouldn’t have to measure ourselves against each other at all. I get really upset, for example, when I hear some women tell me that they have ‘just’ had a lumpectomy - i.e. I may have had a mastectomy, I may have had chemotherapy too, but, ultimately, none of us wanted any of this in the first place irrespective of whatever treatment we have had subsequently - and I don’t want to feel as if I should refrain from telling people of my own experience for fear of upsetting people that haven’t gone through the same experience themselves. In my view, this disease is terrible full stop and we shouldn’t feel additionally worried about comparing ourselves to one another.

As for how our families/friends behave after our treatment has apparently finished, I have no suggestions as I am still trying to work it all out for myself!

But I do wish everyone all the very best.

Love, Naz

Mairead, You are not moaning and I can totally understand where you are comming from. I was 29 when I was diagnosed. Just finished chemo and had a mastectomy. Myself and my boyfriend are ok with that and he has been brilliant, however when I first started chemo, my dad wouldn’t accept that I was ill with it… he tol dme to get some fresh air and I’ll be fine… bearing in mindI could barely get out of bed!!! Then at Xmas we had said we would go round my parents, but the way my chemo dates worked out I had chemo in 19th Dec, and was still feeling ill Xmas day and was almost admitted to hospital. I think alot of that was the pressure I was under to go to my parents. I said to him why don’t you bring the food to my house so I dont have to go out, he said your Mum can but I will stay here your house is too small. So not to upset Mum we went there. I thought how selfish is that. On the other side people have said to me that I am his little girl and he doesn’t want to see me ill that why he’s been the way he was, but it did wind me up. That may be the case for you.
Whether you have chemo or not, having Cancer is a horrible thing and whether its a mild from or an aggressive form, its still Cancer and you are entitled to be upset about it.
All the best
Msndy

Hi Mairead
I hope things are better for you now as you sound like you are having a horrible time. Your feelings are very very understandable, not only have you got the whole bc to get you had round you are on medication that effects your mood so people telling you to cheer up is just not helpful, perhaps you should show them some of the threads on here. I do think people find it difficult to understand how hormone treatments can effects us. You are right about chemo too-most people were very supportive during this time but since I have been on tam and zoladex I think some people think I have a personality transplant. I know it sounds cheesy to say but it does get easier.
Take care
Sherbert