Need to talk about how scared I am :(

Hi I had app at Breast clinic on Wednesday I had a mammogram, followed by an ultrasound and biopsies taken. I have cancer in my Breast but can’t get any info on stage or treatment until next week. My Breast very sore I don’t know if it’s the effects of the biopsy or the lump but it’s my whole breast, under my armpit and down my inside arm that hurts. I’ve taken painkillers but they just seem to take the edge off it, terrified of what they are gonna tell me next week and how I’m going to cope with the kids and treatments etc. Just messaging to hopefully talk to someone who is maybe in the same position or who understands this uncertainty. I feel like I should be saying ok let’s get this sorted and fight through it but actually can’t really come to terms with the reality that I’ve actually got it at all.

Fee, this stage is the pits, it really is. All of the women on this site who have been where you are now will say the same. The wait is bad enough normally but I’m sure having to live through it over a bank holiday when you are unable to contact anyone makes it even more stressful.

 

The good news is that once you get the news you are waiting for regarding grade, stage and treatment plan, it all gets a bit more manageable. During this waiting period your mind goes into overdrive and you naturally think the worst. I certainly did. Every ache and pain is interpreted as something sinister. I’m sure your current discomfort is a combination of all the investigations you have been through and the stress you are under right now. The biopsies can leave you bruised and uncomfortable for several weeks.

 

It all seems so overwhelming at this point and it’s the most terrifying part but I promise you that what’s going on in your head right now is far scarier than the reality. Believe me, I was the worst wimp going before my surgery having got to 51 with barely more than a bad viral infection. The treatment might not always be easy but it certainly wasn’t as difficult as I imagned it was going to be. 

 

Hang on in there and stick around here as there is always a friendly ear.

 

Ruth xx

Hi Fee,
Welcome to the forum, although sorry to see you here.
We all understand the awful stage of uncertainty in the early days of diagnosis, it is such a shock.
It is usual to be sore after biopsy, so dont worry about any breast changes related to that, also, the anxiety at this stage also heightens any physical symptoms.
There are loads of us here who have been where you are now, are going through what you are at the mo, as well as those of us out the other side.
It does get better when your treatment plan is in place. Do come on here & chat or vent whenever you need to.
hugs
ann x

Fee70

 

Hello and welcome to the forum that no one really wants to be one part of but it is a wonderful place to be able to talk to ladies who totally understand what you are going through and will help and support you through this journey.

 

This is the hardest time waiting for your treatment plan.  Was your breast clinic one of those one stop ones, where they are able to tell confirm whether or not you have breast cancer.

 

The discomfort you are experiencing is very likely down to the biopsies being taken, it is only two days ago and hopefully very soon you should find it easing off.  Also our minds can  play tricks on us because of the anxiety we are feeling

 

Well once you have your treatment plan you will be able to say that, but at the moment you are trying to take in that you have been diagnosed with it, the treatment plan give you all the information you need and you will be supported by your breast care nurse who will go through it with you as well, answering any questions, no matter how silly you might think they are, they will be answered.

 

When are you going back to the clinic?

 

Sending you a hug and let us know how you get on, we are all there for you.  Are you taking someone with you when you go?

 

Helena xxx

Thank you Ruth xx

I know many women have been through this and came out the other end but i don’t think I’ve actually accepted it yet, Wednesday seems like such a long time ago already and I’ve spent the last two days aimlessly trying to keep myself busy doing stuff with the kids to take my mind off it but every time I think about it I feel physically sick and get all light headed and sweaty … I feel like I’m in some sort of daze at the moment. I’m trying to get my head round it but can’t yet and like you said every ache and pain I feel I’m convinced is related. Only found out I had COPD 2 months ago now this … i have an area of infective tissue in my lung at my CT scan in December which I just had a follow up CT scan for last week but this was before the lump on my breast was diagnosed on Wednesday.

Hi Helena yes it was a one stop clinic on Wednesday this week. I saw the doctor who felt the lump and sent me straight for a mammogram, after that I waited a bit and was sent to ultrasound. The took loads of measurements and pictures of my breast and under my arm and finally told me I needed tissue biopsies done there and then. I then saw the doctor again who explained i I would have to go back in a weeks time for biopsy results and treatment options but he was reluctant to speculate until he had the biopsy results. Im so sore but don’t know if it’s the biopsies or the cancer or my mind playing tricks on me I feel every twinge and tingle in my breast arm pit and in my arm itself along the inside of my arm towards my elbow. Just so worried xx

Thank you Ann xx I’m so glad I came on and messaged now I’ve looked a couple of times today but didn’t know what to say or how to say it xx I feel silly because I’m normally so positive and independent but feel like a scared child at the moment xx

Fee,
Please dont feel silly, although its the pits, what you’re going through at the mo, is quite ‘normal’ & we’ve all been there, we’ve all felt scared.
ann x

Thank you so much Helena xxx my eldest daughter is coming with me (27 years old) she also was with me when I got the diagnosis and just as well because I had what they said was an anxiety attack I don’t know what it was shock maybe but I couldn’t stand or walk they had to lie me in a room until I could sit up etc felt faint and sick just shock I think xx I have four kids eldest is 27 youngest is 6 plus three grandsons xx I am a single parent and don’t really have a social life as such I have been at college this year to try and polish up my admin skills but other than that my life is really all about the kids, I don’t really go out or socialise so I’m kinda limited as to who I can talk to so this site will really help me more than I can say xx

Yep, Ann and Helena are right, absolutely no need to feel silly. It’s still all new and raw and totally understandable that you have not yet been able to process the little info that you have so far. Don’t be hard on yourself. It really is all going to be okay - just doesn’t seem like it right now I’m sure.

 

Come and natter to us for the next few days while you wait. Despite everything, we do have lots of laughs here as well. I know that’s probably hard to believe at the moment but it’s true and you will get there.

 

Ruth xx

Hi I’m in roughly the same position… had a biopsy got told it was cancer but then needed another biopsy to see what cancer it is either invasive or dcis… i also am still feeling sore from.my biopsy more than I thought actually. I do think it’s the whole process of it and how emotionally draining it is in itself… xx we are all here on this forum to support each other so dont ever think that you are alone xxx

Thank you Ruth I will xxx I don’t even know what the different kinds are queen bee, I know I have a lump that’s cancerous but that’s the limit of my knowledge I also know that cancer is in stages from one and up but if I’m totally honest I’m too scared to look it up at the moment because I will just make my mind up on what I read and scare myself I think. My lump isn’t big (I don’t think) like a jaggy hard marble I guess but I don’t even know if the size matters, I also had an area under my breast (not visible unless arm straight up) that is all dented in but I’ve never noticed until after I found the lump, even if I had seen it I would have assumed it was a crease or dent from my bra. I had a really sore breast about a year ago but I i put it down to an ill fitting bra and bought soft unwired To replaced it which seemed to help. Looking back I should have questioned it then but thought it was the bra … maybe it was who knows x

fee, your team will explain staging & grade, it does take a bit of time to get results through.

It’s best to avoid general googling as it only creates a shed load of unnecessary anxiety. Use this site & the helpline above of you need info.
take care
ann x

Thank you Ann xx I’m trying to avoid googling as I know I’ll just scare myself more. Just need to keep busy until I know more on Wednesday xx

Dont Google until you know what you are dealing with! Google is great but it does scare us! I only Google once I got my first biopsy results and mammogram results back and that was only because I didn’t fully process what the consultant told me so i had to Google so I understood it! Your doctor and nurse will go through the stages and everything with you when they know… xx my next appointment is on Wednesday where I will find out if i just need surgery or surgery and chemo! Try to relax over the weekend, do something fun and try not to think.about it too much (i know easier said than done) xxx

Hi there. I’m at a slightly earlier stage in that I am having the triple test done on Tuesday having seen my GP a week ago. She was honest, said she would love to say it was a cyst or whatever but she thought IT was ‘something’ I’ve never known anxiety, worry and pure panic like it. I have a permanent low level headache. I’m feeling IT now and maybe some aching/ burning sensations, feel,like it’s grown ( which it probably hasn’t) and yes, to top it off it’s a long bank holiday. I had made plans to see friends but sleep being hard to come by and all the worry I just want to lay low as I’d give the game away. I have brilliant friends and I’ve told a couple but I don’t want to talk about it or how I’m feeling until I have a result. They have offered to go with me on Tuesday but I think I’d be better alone… I may be jumping the gun but I’ve no idea how to go about talking about it if the test is positive…

Hi Sarah, when I first found my lump my GP wanted me to wait 10 days before going back to him. My husband said no way she’s not waiting and he reluctantly sent me to my local breast clinic. I was sent for a biopsy and what I think they call an FND ( or something like that) I was told again twice that they don’t see it being anything to worry about but to wait a week for my results! Went back a week later prepared to be told it was some sort of cyst! Nope stage 3 IDC. What I’ve found the hardest in my two week diagnosis is the waiting on appointment and more information but also the telling people. I find is so awkward. People’s first reaction is oh I’m so sorry, your poor children! I slammed that straight away. I don’t want to hear I’m sorry or poor you. I will under no circumstances let this beat me. I had another blow at being triple negative, again it’s not going to beat me. I know how my treatment plan in place and everything seems so much clearer. Those first days are horrendous but we get past them and we fight on ?
I’m having chemo first as triple negative reacts better to it. I have a long summer ahead but I’ll come out of the other side of it and so will you, what ever your results xx

Glad your Gp has referred you xx the first doctor I saw said it felt like a fibroendema (don’t know how to spell it) and said I shouldn’t worry, the second Gp I saw after I had all the pain and noticed the puckering underneath said she wouldn’t have noticed the skin if I hadn’t pointed out and assured me pain isn’t normally associated with breast cancer. (Another myth obviously) I waited just over 5 weeks to be seen at breast clinic as non urgent. Now I know it is cancer and I just wish I had been more demanding about my concerns. I will see breast doctor again on Wednesday afternoon but I’m worried sick and imagining all sorts … I need to just try and keep busy I guess. The ladies on here really helped me last night just being there to talk to xx I feel really alone and scared … this is so hard Sarah but maybe if we can talk about it on here it will help us just get our heads around it xx

hi Sarah32,
The anxiety is horrible when waiting, but mostly all turns out to be well, your gp cannot know what it is by examining you, but thankfully you have been referred to get to the bottom of it.
The vast majority of breast changes are not bc. Yes, some of us get diagnosed & it is always a shock, but bc treatment is very good now, with some of the best outcomes out there.
hugs to all
ann x

Hi I recently diagnosed and found after biopsies quite sore and bruised, I had to wiat six weeks for operation and breast was tender throughout, nurse said was bruise deep in breast.

 

I have had less bruising from surgery as surgeon said he can control the bleeding better then for biopsies.

 

I have invasive ductal cancer and DCIS, caught early through screening program.

 

Now got to wiat two weeks fo full results.

 

It is so stressful, the wiating, I find writing a journal helpful. Sharing here and went to Mc Milan support group which helped loads.

 

You not alone, and gradullay all will slot into place with a treatment plan.

 

Be kind to  yourself, it is such a shock.

 

Meri