Hi
I found out 2 weeks ago that I have breast cancer. I’m 36 and still very much in shock. I feel like it can’t be true but I can’t really dispute it when a mammo, ultrasound, biopsy and MRI all say the same thing! I feel so well that its just doesn’t seem like I can be ill! I’m due to have WLE and SLNB on Tuesday and quite frankly want that thing out of me!
I know everyone feels like this when they are told but the overwhelming emotion at the moment is “nothingness”! I feel like everything has stopped until I have the surgery and then I’ll know exactly what I’m dealing with!
One of the hardest things is dealing with how my son will react to the surgery! Also a complication with me is that I work in radiotherapy! Over the past 15 years I have treated thousands of ladies with breast cancer and over the past few years have specialised in the planning of treatments! I never imagined that I would find myself on the other side of the treatment couch - especially not in my thirties!
Anyway I would like to hear from younger ladies with BC who may be at the same start of the process. The journey is a bit daunting.
I described it as a whirlwind when dx 2 years ago next month, when I had just turned 39 and had girls then aged 4 and 2. You will feel better when you have a treatment plan and know exactly what you are dealing with.
You don’t say how old your son is, but if he’s young, I would recommend ‘Mummy’s Lump’, a book available free from this website. We found it immensely useful, it really helps small ones to realise that they are not the only ones this is happening to, and it goes through all stages of treatment.
Other than that I’d say don’t read/search the internet too far ahead of what you’re going through at the time, otherwise it can be overwhelming.
Welcome to Breast Cancer Care discussion forums, I am sorry to read of your recent diagnosis. As well as the support you receive from the other users you may find it helpful to have a copy of the BCC booklet ‘Younger women with breast cancer’ as it looks specifically at the different issues and feelings younger women with breast cancer may experience. If you would like a copy just follow this link:-
If you need some extra support BCC also have a helpline where you
can talk things through with a trained member of staff. The number is 0808 800 6000 and the lines are open Monday to Friday 9am to 5pm and Saturday 9 to 2pm.
What a nightmare for you. I doesn’t help being a radiographer, i would imagine. There can be ht eissue of people expecting you to know what to expect when you just want to be treated like a patient! Hopefully you wont have this problem. I’m youngish at 42, a nurse, and a bit further down the road than you (just finished chemo) However, there are loads of younger women on this site, so you wont feel alone.
Just wanted to let you know that your most definitely not on your own, unfortunately there are many of us young moms on here ! Im 33 and was dx last June. I’ve got two little girls aged 3 & 6. Im quite far down the line now…Ive had a lumpectomy, chemo, a masectomy and am just coming to the end of my radiotherapy.
I echo what the others have said that you will feel so much better when you have your treatment plan and start your treatment. It gives you something to concentrate on and get through and you know your doing everything possible to get rid of it !
You dont say how old your son is…but I know that kids are very resiliant. As I mentioned Ive had two ops and 2 other hospital stays due to low bloods on chemo and I have to say although they didnt like me being away my kids have been very unaffected by it all. I remeber my mom saying as long as you are there and the kids see you dealing with it fine they will be fine too as they look to your reaction. On my good days Ive managed to keep them in their routine and still done everything for them…and then the few bad days(during chemo) Ive had family and friends to help out.
My girls have both dealt with it fine. I appreciate every little moment with them so much more now. They are the fire in your belly to fight this and the reason to drag yourself out of bed in the morning. I am sure your son will be the same.
hi, There sorry that you have had to join this club. Like SAl says you are definitely not on your own. I a, 37 and have 2 boys aged 5 and 2. Some days are hard but it is do able. I have a lot of help from partner and friends however on the good days the boys do see mummy doing the normal school run etc. I have also been honest with the 5 year old in his terminology. Using “Ben 10” as an anaolgy and he and the 2 year old havew not been really been affected as yet. I am also a nurse so please if you want to pm please do
Hi CanaryMaz; my wife is a few weeks ahead of you in her journey though this horrible time. She is just 32 and we have a 3.5 yr old and a 10 month old.
She had a mastectomy and axilliary node clearance just over 2 weeks ago. We get the biopsy results next Tuesday.
My wife has been handling it exceptionally well considering…but obviously has ups and downs. People are right in that it gets a bit easier once you know what treatment you are having because it gives you something to focus on. My wife isn’t into Support Groups or anything at the moment and isn’t active on this forum, but she has registered on the Macmillan site and been e-mailing a couple of other young mums. She is quite a private person, but I know has taken some comfort from the fact that there are other young women in the same boat (not that it’s a boat that anyone would want to be a passenger in).
Thanks to all of you for your kind and encouraging words. I have had my op now and am at home recovering. It wasn’t too bad to be honest and I feel a huge sense of relief now that something has happened and that it has gone.
My son is seven and is dealing with everything so far. Its sometimes hard to tell what they feel inside!
As people have said, once I know the results from the surgery, we will know the treatment plan and can sort out the months ahead accordingly!
I know you wanted to hear from ladies who were in the process of treatment etc, I just wanted to let you know there is light. I was diagnosed in June 2006 at the age of 32 with a son of 3½ (he’s now 7). I went through all the treatment and surgery and I am now counting to my five yera without any recurrence. At present, I am 3 years clear. Its a long and hard journey but you will get there. I am more positive now but still aware.
Good luck to you all, I used this website to help me and I am sure we will all be there to help you.
I am at the same stage as you are. On the 8th March I was diagnosed with breast cancer too. Even typing that feels odd, as if I am watching someone else type it. I am 36 too, with 2 little boys aged 4 and 2. I have spent most of the last few weeks crying and unable to think about anything else.All the other mums at school seem to be skipping in and out and I am sobbing each time I leave my little boy. My tumour is thought to be stage 1, grade 2 but until it is out of me they cannot be sure. That is the bit that is so awful, the uncertainty.
I am having a lumpectomy and Sentinel node biopsy on Monday, but I am more scared about getting my results in a few weeks really. I have no history of breast cancer in my family and this has come like a bolt from the blue. I feel that I have achieved an uneasy peace with the status quo and am dreading news that takes me further away.
I saw 2 very good friends for the first time this week and it set me back as i was just so jealous of them. Suddenly I feel really old, seperate and as if I have totally lost my old self and have been replaced by a shell. I am terrified of dying, terrified of treatment and cannot dredge up positive thoughts despite having always been a positive person in the past. My left breast is sore and I have had terrible pain in my arm pit and down my arm as I am convinced I can feel the cancer spreading.
Sorry this isn’t one of those cheer you up messages, hopefully I will move on to them in time.
Hi tors, sorry you have had to join us but you will get gt support from everyone and we understand how you are feeling. I am 46 with 2 sons aged 8 and 12 and dx bc on 25th March. Had lumpectomy and sentinel node biopsy following wk. Hadn’t told anyone except sister was going to clinic as thought lump was nothing. Still can’t believe it’s bc as no family history either.
The waiting for results is the worst bit - somehow you carry on and look fine to everyone on the outside but inside screaming. At least on here you can share how you feel without upsetting family, friends etc. I too feel jealous of my friends all happy and planning summer holidays. Find it hard at school playground and only told few close friends. They all supportive and offered to help with lifts to school etc. Do you have family/friends to help you? I know it’s impossible not to think about bc but try to enjoy w/end with your children, you will be brave for them. Give them lots of hugs and they will keep you going. Everyone says take one thing at a time but it’s hard not to let your mind go racing.
I will be thinking of you on Monday and good luck. You will get through this horrible time, email me any time if you want. Take care.
Thankyou Kiti, yes I do have a fantastic support network round me that has swooped into action, but ever ungrateful as I am that has justleft me thinkingthey can all circumvent me and life just gets on without me, how paranoid is that! The school playground is the total toal killer, and I haven’t even shown my face at play school for my youngest yet. My litytle one is struggling settling in ( not because of this lot, just because its how he was made!) and I have given my poor mum the job of taking him and dealing with the upset of him crying as I know it is totally beyond what I can deal with at the moment.
Its Monday now and I’m thinking of you. I had my surgery last Tuesday and I instantly felt much better about things. The idea that it is gone is keeping me going until I get the reults in 2 weeks time! the waiting is very hard and it is probably one of the hardest things.
My friends and family have been fab, but one thing I find hard is that my son doesn’t want to hug me as much as he feels he will hurt me. I have reassured him but he steers clear! I hope this fades soon and we get back to normal!
I still don’t quite believe this is real! But we’ll know in 2 weeks. Mine is also supposed to be grade 2 and small, but as you say they can’t be definite until the results come back!.
hi all,
im 26 and i was diagnosed with breast cancer on the 23rd march. i had a lumpectomy on the 7th april and the first two lymph nodes removed. my cancer was grade 2 oestrogen receptive. i am currently waiting for my appointment with my oncologist to find out if i need chemo or a month of radiotherapy followed by 5 years of tamoxophin…(not sure if thats spelt right). no one deserves cancer, but i dont understand why we must suffer this so young. everyday i cry, ive never felt so much anger, im confused and scared. its totally stopped my life and taken all my confidence, if i do go anywhere i feel everyone is staring at me. i have a partner and we have been together 4 years now and next year we were wanting to start our own family, if the decission of my oncologist is to proceed with chemo how can i be sure my fertility will return, and if i dont have chemo i have to wait for my medication to finish…thats 5 years. i feel angry that cancer has done this to me, its taken over my life.
please if anyone is out there in a similar situation it would be great to hear from you and how your coping with everything x
im not sure if i haven’t chatted to you already on here? I am not in exactly the same position as you as you are 10 years younger than me and I was already blessed to have 2 young children before this sht started, but I totally hear what you are saying. It is awful, unfair and totally surreal. You must be reeling. The fertility thing is scary isn’'t it? There is a link on the young womens forum to an ongoing thread on this, but to be honest it scared the life out of me as the threads on here sometimes go off in unexpected directions and you can’t unread things you read and they stick in your mind even if they are unlikely to ever relate to you.
There is a booklet that this lovely charity has about fertility, and it is something i explored early on as we had just started trying for our third child but thankfully it hadn’t happened and now sadly its not likely to as i feel i have to just be grateful for what i have and not risk anything. I know my BCN and consultant were happy to refer me to a clinic for counselling about having eggs taken and fertilized so that embryos could be frozen, but it all has its drawbacks as everything seems to nowadays. I had my children at 31 and 33 and didn’t feel like an old mum, so you could perhaps wait? Plus there is different types of chemo that can try and preserve your fertility. Your consultant should discuss this with you, but have a look at the standards of care for younger women that are linked to this website.
But other than the practical things you can do, basically, yes i agree with you it is totally totally unfair, random, unbeleieveable and i feel very very angry and sad too.
As tors mentioned in her post, BCC do have an information booklet titled ‘Fertility issues and breast cancer treatment’. You may find this booklet can answer some of your questions. I have included the link below for you to either read this on-line or order a copy.
If you would prefer to talk things through please don’t hesitate to give the BCC helpline a call where you can discuss your concerns with one of our trained members of staff. The number to call is 0808 800 6000 and the lines are open Monday to Friday 9 to 5pm and Saturday 9 to 2pm
Hi again bluesmurf - replied to a post of yours in another bit but just to add to this, my oncolgist told me that the good part of getting BC young (I was 29) is that you’re much more likely to bounce back from treatment than if you were older. I went to see a gynaecologist before I started chemo (not having it wasn’t really an option for me as I’m triple neg therefore Tamoxifen would be like eating Smarties) and she did an ovary scan and blood test to check my hormone levels. Those tests showed that everything was in ‘good working order’ before I started, which meant statistically I had a good chance of my periods coming back so I felt better about having the chemo. I started in June, had my last period in July and was told to expect to wait 6 months minimum, more like 12, for them to return. Unbelievably I finished chemo in September and got my first period on Christmas Day. Since then, totally normal. Talk to your oncologist about fertility options, there’s loads you can do (a friend of mine has 6 embryos in the freezer for when she comes off Tamoxifen) but remember that chemo doesn’t necessarily spell the end of fertility, especially not in young women. Good luck x