Hi, my daughter and I were diagnosed with BC on the same day in January this year. We started out expecting the same treatment, a lumpectomy followed by one week of radiotherapy then tablets. That is exactly how my journey has gone but for her things took a tougher journey starting with chemo then two lots of surgery and she’s now about to start four weeks of radiotherapy then monthly injections for five years plus tablets.
I feel so guilty that she has had to bear all this while I’ve had it so easy, but then I also feel that I’ve been through something significant too.
I’ve tried hard to support her through her treatment, where I’ve been able to but I feel as though this is beginning to drive us apart a bit.
Just feeling rather sad about it all.
Hi welcome to the forum , is it your guilt that’s affecting your relationship or your daughters perception of you “ getting off lightly “ ? If it’s your guilt then please don’t feel that way ,you didn’t choose your cancer it chose you , you had no control over this or I’m sure you would have chosen your daughter to get the easier ride as most parents would . Cancer in what ever form shakes you to the core and brings your own mortality into sharp focus . It impacts on everyone whatever the type grade etc If you read the Mountain Lion story on the forum read many many times by people going through cancer it might ring true .I will try and post you the link .Best wishes Jill x
Thanks for your kind reply and the inspiring story of the Mountain lion, no winners here are there?
I don’t think it’s my daughter feeling I’ve got off lightly, although I do think she sometimes thinks, along with the rest of the family, that I’m fine now and it’s all in the past for me. It’s not quite that easy is it?
As you say any parent would want to take the pain for their children so it’s hard not to feel guilt. My head knows you’re right, it wasn’t my choice, but emotionally is not so easy.
No it’s not that easy at all to move on from this , once your body has let you down so badly it’s very hard to trust it again. Most people find it difficult to move on and put it behind them ,that’s completely normal .Breast Cancer Now runs moving forward courses both in person and on line which might be worth considering ?
I really feel for you and am sorry that you are both dealing with this. I’m not the first in my family so I think there is a bit of a perception that it’s all going to be fine as they tell me they no longer worry (all diagnosed 15 years later than me). We have a couple of family members who are currently receiving critical care and I feel massively guilty that I can’t do more to help (complicated further by Covid) & that I should just be keeping my ‘chin up’ as instructed. I’m too anxious to work. Understandably, everyone has to be focused on the critically Ill. It’s a very isolating and overwhelming time. People tell you that you have to prioritise yourself through cancer but that isn’t feeling possible at the minute. And still we must create space to feel how we are feeling & engage in self care without taking to heart a view that we are being selfish. Definitely a work in progress. Hugs xx
Thanks for your reply and I’m sorry you too are feeling guilty and isolated. Guilt is a very difficult emotion to deal with isn’t it.
I completely understand your feelings of not doing enough and yet not feeling able to put yourself first. It’s a tough one. I have been trying to put my family first, looking after grandchildren, elderly parents and my daughter, but I am beginning to feel rather overwhelmed by everything, but to stop doing what I can feels like a selfish act.
There’s no easy answer but it’s good to know there are people like you who understand. Good luck with your recovery.