New here and very worried!!

Hi all, this may be long winded but here goes…

A month ago while having a bath i found a large solid lump in my armpit, quite hard to the touch but not painful.
Went to the nurse practitioner who said i must have an infection and told me to take ibuprophen to take down swelling. there was no improvement after a week and then started to get pains, acheing pains which travelled down my arm and into shoulder.
Two nights later laid in bed and was horrified to find a lump about the size of a medium grape about two inches left of my left nipple, it is quite deep which is why i think i never noticed it before.
So back to nurse who gave me the letter to be seen within 2 weeks at hospital, 1 week later was in hospital, had mammogram, chest x-ray, 6 biopsies done.
I asked the specialist what she thought, she said suspicious, i also asked if armpit lump was connected she said yes.
That was last Tues, i have not slept or eaten since then, panic has set in and have had myself dead and buried and had to get pills off the doctor to calm me down.
I have taken hope from the posts on here but i keep thinking that i won’t be that lucky i will be terminal with no prospect of cure or control of this horrible thing inside me.

Sorry for long post but feels better to say it.
Thanks

Hugs Fushia.

I am sorry that you are going through such a difficult time, but you have come to the right place you will get lots of support here it really is a caring site.

Last December just before Christmas I found a lump and was diagonsed with BC, I had the lump removed followed by radiotherapy…I thought I would never stop thinking about it…but you do I am fine touchwood and I don’t think about it 24/7 and when I do it is not half as worrying as it was when I first found the lump.

I hope you will be one of the lucky ones, but if your not there is a light at the end of the tunnel, the most difficult time is waiting for the results…once treatment starts you will find that the pressure has lifted.

Good luck please keep us posted on how you get on.

Hugs Val. XXXX.

Hi Fushia

sorry you have had to come to this site. My thoughts are with you… I know the waiting around is the hardest time and your mind works overtime. It took me a week to get my thoughts under control when I realised it wasn’t helping at-all to worry but just stopping me from enjoying life and my 3 kids.

When do you get your results? Hope it doesn’t take too long. I had a core biopsy done last month and heard back in 2 days. I have had several fibroadenomas and cysts over the years but still get worried with each one. I will be praying your results will be good and there will be no further worries.

Please keep in touch and let us know what you find out. Hang in there,

Nanny

Hi Fushia

Welcome to the Forums, I am sure you will receive plenty of advice and support from other users.

It sounds like you’re having a pretty tough time at the moment, please feel free to contact our free phone helpline on 0808 800 6000 if you would like to talk to someone in confidence about how you are feeling at the moment.

Everyone on our helpline either has experience of breast cancer or is a breast care nurse and is able to talk about both technical and emotional issues so please use it if you think it will help.

The helpline is available Monday to Friday 9am-5pm and Saturday 9am-2pm.

Kind regards

Sam
Moderator
Breast Cancer Care

Hi Fushia

I really am sorry that you find yourself joining us on this site but do keep logging on here. Everyone here is really supportive and many have a wonderful understanding of all things BC related. They can answer almost any question you might have and will be there for you all the way.

I do understand how you must be feeling. The waiting time is the absolute pits. Your imagination works overtime but please do remember that the majority of lumps are not BC. There are all sorts of other possibilities. Having said that, if the worst happens and it is malignant, there are so many different types of treatment available now that it is not likely that it will be untreatable. Nobody wants to go through chemo or rads but they do work and although I have no experience of them myself, I have read many posts saying they are quite doable. The mastectomy I can relate to. The girls on here will verify that I was petrified before my op but I’m now quite happy to say that it was a million times easier than I had ever anticipated and I don’t need any further treatment - back to work in a week’s time. I won’t tell you not to worry - that’s almost impossible but please take heart from what you read on here and try to remain as positive as possible and - I know I’m repeating myself now - please do keep talking to us here. You will be in my thoughts and prayers.

God bless.

Christay

22 years ago when I found my first lump I remember thinking the same as you, I was putting up the Christmas tree thinking it could be for the last time. Well I have put it up 22 times since then and although I did have bc, with lumpectomy and radiotherapy it was soon sorted.

I did have a recurrence 2 years ago but as I got over it before I see no reason why I shouldn’t again, maybe I am being to optimistic.

That being said most lumps are harmless and I hope yours is but it is quite normal I would think to feel the way you do.

All the best.

Jan

Hi, and thanks for speedy responses.

I get my results on Tues next week, can’t come soon enough but feel sick at the thought of it. I have no doubt that it is BC but just worried more of the stage that it is at.
I can’t be sure how long the lump has been there as i only noticed after the armpit swelling. This to me means lymph node involvement.
By the way i am 45 with no history of BC in the family but i guess no one is safe from this.
I will let you know of my results.
I have started to think back over last months about my health, been very down, tired to the point of falling asleep at work, no interest in going out, including shopping (unheard of ) yes humour helps.
trying to be brave

PS Val is my real name so to get my first reply from a Val is a good omen to me :slight_smile:

Hi all,
I felt better yesterday after chatting on here then had a dreadful night, i woke several times with severe panic attacks, at one point i was about to phone 999 because i thought i was having a heart attack.
I know it is my bodys response to fear but they are very scary and getting more frequent as the result day approaches.
I am trying hard to be calm but am worried i won’t make it for my results because of this blind panic.
Am i alone in these feelings?
I seem to have lost control of my senses.

Hi Fushia

Sorry you had a bad night and are feeling really crap. The waiting game is the hardest I think to cope with. We all go through the emotional rollercoaster and I think until you get your results and know what you are facing, you will be up and down. If you really find it is getting too hard to bare, can you not speak to your doctor or someone and see if there is anything to help you?

I am 39 with a 3 yr old daughter and 10 month old son and was dx in July. It is a rollercoaster of emotions believe me, and you will have good days and bad days and some days just wanna curl up and cry all the time. I had a really hard time for the 3 weeks until I started chemo, as was so scared of what was happening with my body and my life actually. Unfortunately I was told 10 days after being dx with bc, that it had spread to my liver, so no mascectomy for me, although was prepared for a double mascectomy, anything to cut the b******s out. I am now half way through my chemo and have been fine on it with no sickness at all, just the hair loss which is hard to deal with.

Whatever you feel like, come on here whether to scream, cry, shout, rave or even laugh. Cos we are all going through same or similar things and help to support each other. You will get through this, and once you start on your treatment plan if you need to, I think it becomes easier.

Let us know how you are.

Take care
Love
Dawn
x

Fuschia, just a couple of wee tricks to help with this awful time you are having. If you can, go for a walk, being outdoors somehow reduces the terror. Also sitting on a comfortable chair, making your shoulders drop (pretend you’re relaxed) take a few deep breaths and slowly exhale for a bit longer than you inhale, close your eyes if you can. You might be able to con your body into sending less stress signals to your brain. My heart goes out to you, it is an awful time. xx

Thanks Dawn, and Chalee.
I guess everyone has the same fears with BC, i think the fear of spread is the reason for the most anxiety which i suppose is normal for everyone.
I take great strength from you all and feel like a wuss.
Thanks for listening

Love
Val

Hi Fushia
Like you I was very emotional and down when I first went for tests. Waiting for results is the most difficult time and once you have heard the results, whatever they may be, things will be easier. I have found this site incredibly empowering! Reading about other people and realising that we are all having the same experience and emotions, worries and side effects is really helpful. Now is the time for you to sit and think about what may or may not happen. I found it best to understand about the range of results that I may have and mentally prepare myself so that I would know what to ask. Finding out what may or may not be the result gave me the strength to go to the appointment and feel more in control.I was able to decide well if they say this I need to ask about that,if you seee what I mean. Sorting things out in my mind kept me focussed and calm. I know this will not work for everyone as some people prefer not to know everything, for me it worked.
Good luck with the results and remember there are more poitive outcomes that negative ones.

Hi Fuschia

Well the girls have said it all reallyand they don’t give any bull****! We have all been there and know what it’s like to have it on your mind almost every waking hour , we all went through that fear of waiing, it’s only natural. You may or mat not have Lymph Nose involvement but in my case I also felt something hard under my armpit first of all but thought no more until I was recalled after mammogram. When they scanned my breast for the biospsy I noticed the Dr spent a lot of time scanning my Lymph Nodes and actually called in another Doctor. It looked huge on the screen and I was convinced it had spread. However after Lumpectomy and 4 Nodes removed I was given the all clear re the Lymph Nodes. I’m not a Doctor but I was thinking in my case it’s a bit like when you get an infection and your glands swell up.
You will actually find ( well I did) that when you get the results, be they good or bad you almost feel a sense of relief and I became so much calmer than I had been in weeks. It’s then that you just want to get things moving and the fact that someone is going to do something about it is a good feeling.

Know it’s not easy but you’ll be fine.

Norma x

Hi fushia

Deep breaths doll. Seriously. Slow, deep breathing really helps when the panic sets in. (In through your nose, out slowly through your mouth. Put your hand on your heart and you will feel it slowing down). I know that tomorrow will be the longest day of your life but then you will know one way or another and can move on with your life.

In the event that it turns out to be breast cancer please be assured that you will cope far better than you ever thought in your wildest imagination. I was shocked to the core when they told me my lump was malignant but here I am a year down the line just about getting back to normal. My hair has grown back, I am back at work and life is good.

Please bear in mind, too, that those who develop metastases (secondaries) are very much in the minority. Look at Janice - 22 years out. (Congratulations, Janice). I know loads of women like that. One of my neighbours had a mastectomy (no chemo) in the 80s and has been fine ever since. Same with a client of mine. A girl on here’s grandmother is a 50 year survivor. They are out there - you just don’t hear about them as they are getting on with life.

We’ll all be rooting for you on Tuesday and hoping you’re the 9 in 10 who get good news.

Hugs

Lola x

hi there hun, i know exactly how you feel, i hated the waiting game, and i was so moody and snappy. i have had a complete left side masrectomy as i lke you had more than one lump and depending on your results they will either take teh lumps away if you only have two or if like me you had several forming youl prob have same, with some lypmthnodes taken. i was thinking the worst as well and thankfully even with all the lumps i had they were clear, the chemo is just a precaution in case of any stray cells which may have escaped. plus being only 28 they strongly recommended it to hopefully prevent any return of bc.

you have come the right place these girls have been a fantasic form of support for me. good luck hun il be thinking of you tomorrow

Morning Ladies and thankyou,
Another terrible night last night, sweating and panicking, the horrible fear of dread in my stomach.
My imagination is running away with itself, i ache everywhere and have lost a stone in weight in 2 weeks,
i keep telling myself i will be ok then i lapse back into despair, i don’t fear losing a breast, if i could take it off myself i would, i fear for my life which i know you all understand, my brain has convinced me the cancer has spread and i can’t alter that.

you are truly helping me with the positive thoughts
thankyou so much
Val

Hello, I agree with the comments above, especially about preparing yourself for the worst. I am a firm believer in this, if you think the worst you can start thinking of the questions you need to ask so you can get it all out in the open in one session with the Doctor. You will come away knowing that everything that can be done to help you will be done and it is so reassuring. BC is horrible but thankfully with medical progress it is now very treatable. If you get good news just think what a high you will be on, if not good news then you are fully prepared with all the determination and positive thinking to beat it. Your surely will.

Love K

Hospital just rang, i have to go for my results at 9.30 in the morning.
and i thought i was nervous before, now i am past myself, not sure how i will get through today and tonight.

Wish me luck everyone

Hi Fushia

Good luck with your results for tomorrow - hope they are good. No point saying don’t worry, cos you will, but at least you have an early appointment. Keeping everything crossed for you.

Take care and let us know how you get on.

Love
Dawn
x

Hi there Val (Fushia)

I wish you all the very best for tomorrow.
There’s no words to give you a good nights sleep, we’ve been there and the waiting is in my experience the very worst part.
I truly hope you come away relieved tomorrow, no doubt that would be the very best news you would of heard in a long time .

If you are dx’d I would like to pass on my experience of the only words I can remember of being any use at that point- ‘It’s treatable’. You are amongst friends on this site, but I hope you do not have to visit again after tomorrow, that is meant in the kindest sense of course.

Take care

Carol