New! Moving Forward Gallery

Public Archive
21

I can understand what everyone is saying there is two sides & for those in the position such as lemongrove stage 4 , but then I also see the many veiws posted on site of those who do manage to move a step ahead with their lives & do go on to lead a life out of the BC bubble. It still does kill far too many women & perhaps if this does help some to see that some do get through & move on then that is a good thing surely ?

I too HATE this dam BC I personally know women in my life who have sadly lost their battle & also know several who have pulled through. Being TN I know the % for recurance in the next 3 years … who knows I too could end up a stage 4 ? at the same time I don’t want to spend everyday focusing on that thought same as right now I don’t want to have everyday in my life being about BC I like to think there is more to me than BC, dont get me wrong I cry scream & rant as anyone else but I like to focus on being one of those that does get to see my 5th anniversary having that vision in my head is sometimes the only thing that gets me through the bad days. If this helps those newly diagnosed to see some kind of HOPE I think that is a good thing its not like the reality is going to be hidden from them

I really dont know what to surgest for the best as I do understand those who feel its not a good idea & I totally respect what they have said

Mekala x

22

Sandytoes, you have put your concerns and suggestions very eloquently without being negative. Now maybe you need to put your feet up, or are you on the laptop while lying in bed trying to doze?

23

I didn’t need to see “smiley faces” on my dx either! I’d been there with my mum, gran and best friend, with my mum being the only survivor, so I knew only too well what I was in for, what the scars would look like and knew about the nasty side of this b!itch of a disease and how it kills.

For me personally I wouldn’t have wanted to look at ‘nice happy stories’ - not my style as I too like to know the facts but for me here, the bottom line is don’t knock what BCC are trying to do.

24

Having gone through all the horrid stuff and come through the other end still in one piece(well nearly)and looking forwards(not backwards, I agree when I was first diagnosed I thought that was it for me and I wouldn’t see the spring, let along my next Birthday or Christmas.

BC is a horrid disease and we shouldn’t hide the nasty side away - there is plenty of negative stuff around and available and it seems to be in your face when you are first diagnosed - I welcome those inspiring stories and the milestone threads when people tell you they have survived and not only celebrate their joy but also deep down it gives you hope. I think this new Gallery compliments what is already on this site - real ladies(and maybe gents) or have been there, got through it, and are now looking happy, healthy and living their lives - it does give hope and none of us should ever ever underestimate the value of hope… particularly in those dark days after Dx

25

Gosh, this has opened a can of worms hasnt it? As one of the smiley faces who has added their photo, I would like to say that I have done it for any newbies who are probably terrified about their diagnosis. As someone said earlier, if it even gives one person more hope than it is worth it. I think it has a valid place on this website.

I had IBC, stage 3 and have a very high risk of it coming back in the near future but I am not going to let that dominate my life. The other IBC ladies who come back and say they are still ok after however many years give me a huge amount of hope and I would love to pass that on to others.

However, I do also understand that it feels a lot different for those with secondaries. It’s a difficult one but isn’t it good to hear success stories whatever situation we are in?

26

My suggestion of the American example was marrying the aim of the gallery with the concerns listed on this thread. They are inspirational, motivating and positive stories - but address the actual truth including those diagnosed with advanced cancer and mets. I think inspirational stories relevant to our individual situations create more of an impact as we can actually relate to them and they answer questions and address fears specific to us.

I think the gallery is a great idea, and smiley faces are good!! But I would prefer if the stories were informative. Sorry if I came across as negative, I just thought it would address some of the issues raised by those with advanced stage cancer.

The reason for this thread is surely to guage our reactions as we are the prime demographic!! And the reactions are all valid and therefore should be taken into account and addressed somehow.

27

I agree with what some others have said, I don’t see the point of a gallery of smiley faces of people who have had BC. When I was first diagnosed I wanted to see photos of women with a similar diagnosis to me and what their breasts looked like soon after surgery, after radiotherapy, six months later, etc. Basically I wanted information, not a load of holiday type pics which told me nothing.

28

I have just posted on the gallery, because l would have liked to have seen something similar when l was first diagnosed, and no l don’t mean smiley faces. l mean information!
The only fault l can find for me, is that there is not enough room to write what happened to me and how l coped or didn’t cope!!
I have had to type it in 500 characters! which is really quite silly, if they want us to give information to newcomers, then we need more space!!
xxx

29

I think there is always going to be differing opinions on topics/suggestions like this. Personally I do not find it particularly helpful as, like someone mentioned earlier, I would prefer to be able to relate to more specific information. Such as cancer type, stage, spread, etc. I needed to know the reality on one aspect and on the other it terrified me. I don’t know that any of the ‘good stories’ would have reasonated with me then. I was too terrified. I think the intention is well meant, but I would appreciate more honest information from the participants. i.e. my diagnosis was this, the treatment was s…e, but I have survived. As for Stage 4, I can’t even contemplate how that would feel. My thoughts to all. J.

30

In memory of all the friends I have known on this site and who have now died of this disease I am voicing my objection to this probably well-intentioned but thoroughly ill-conceived and patronising idea.

What is this concept of “moving forward”? Is it compulsory? Is there a specific time frame for this moving forward process to begin?
Is this yet another example of where people can be made to feel inadequate? “She is back at work and she is climbing Kilimanjaro but I am still can’t stop crying every day and can’t get out of bed and my husband is leaving me.”

There is enough pressure with this disease and the legacy of its treatment without feeling obliged to “move forward” too.

Most people I know stumble back into life after primary treatment feeling incremently better or worse on a day to day basis depending on what their drugs are doing. But I guess that is not such a catchy concept for a gallery.

And WHY have a photo gallery? Why this constant obsession with image? I looked fabulous 3 years ago but I actually had cancer.
A gallery is deeply undemocratic - it excludes the experiences of those who feel uncomfortable about having their image posted all over the internet.

The old forum had no-holds barred, personal experience stories - surely that kind of thing would be of considerably greater value than a few photos. But then the internet is already bursting with personal experience blogs so what is the point?

I am so cheesed off with this disease being depicted as the “best kind of cancer you can get”. It depresses me enormously to see BC charities complicit in peddling this nonsense too.
12,000 women die of this each year. The UK has some of the highest mortality rates in Europe. THAT is what we should be focusing on instead of all this pinkwashing.

31

Moving forward! Surely we would all love to know at the start of this dreadful disease there is hope, we can move forward, and some really do! And a lot live with this cancer for the rest of their days, and yes a lot very sadly die.

I thought the idea of Moving Forward was for those newcomers? To give them a little hope to get them through each days. We all know that utterly terrible diagnosis time, the feeling of devastation, and the thought that you would not make it to the next Christmas. So Moving Forward is to show them there is ‘hope’ and we all need that, to get us through the treatment, the thought that there is a light at the end of the tunnel helped me along, even though that light might one day go out!

Do we not like reading the thread ‘Good News, Hope and Inspiration’ l know l do, and by the looks of the replies people get, they like the threads, surely it is the same thing, yes l know l am living in hope, and one day it may well come crashing down around me, but for now it helps me!

And if it helps a dozen people a year to get through the treatment, that has to be good, it isn’t in our faces, it isn’t compulsary, it is there for us to find if we want to.

I like seeing the photo gallery, to see their faces and well as their comments makes them more ‘real’ just wish there was more space to write our feelings/diagnosis/treatment.

Yes some of us do have an obsession with our looks, you can see that by how many have a reconstruction!

I agree we should be focusing on the very high mortality rate, but l think we also need something in between!

32

Definitely love reading the ‘Good News, Hope and Inspiration’ threads and many of them are very detailed in terms of the details of their specific cancer and treatment and how they felt really low and it was difficult. It’s just that you can’t write much in the little “summary” box in the gallery and at diagnosis you are trying to glean information and hope would come from reading stories of others who had similar diagnoses at the start (ie IDC, TNBC, IBC, advanced cancer etc).

33

Well said Sandra!

and if people don’t like the idea - don’t look at it!

Oh and I don’t do pinkiness either; but believe in giving hope, inspiration and support to newbies.

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duplicate post

35

Hi all,
Sandytoes I like your suggestion re the US site, that to me would be far more valuable.
I’ve noticed that there is nothing to show how you look after bc tx on here other than fashion shows with women looking fab after bc. While awaiting my surgeries I was forced onto American sites, many of which included cosmetic breast surgery which really p****d me off at the time! (And still does for that matter…) I needed to see scars, I needed to see how I would look as that did play a part in dealing with the decision I felt I had to make after all my research. There’s a wonderful site breastfree.org which has photos (including just after surgery) with warnings, and realistic and often positive stories. I found that far more relevant to me than the kind of head-in-the-sand view. I had bilateral mx, and I was prepared for how I’d look, and I can deal with it although I’m still self-conscious sometimes. It hasn’t been easy, but I’m getting there.
From my own experience I’d like to see reality on here. And reality includes positives and negatives. What do you do as a newbie when you suddenly discover that actually you’re not one of the lucky ones? There’s plenty of shockingly awful stuff on line, let’s make this site supportive, generally but realistic and circumspectly (?) positive rather than relentlessly positive.
To give you an example, I’ve made the point in other places on here that I’m concerned about the culture of assuming everyone wants a recon. There is often an assumption that you don’t have to deal with losing your breast because you can just get a new one. As many of us know, it’s far from that simple and the result of that is women becoming hugely upset because they’ve been told they can’t have the recon at once. That’s because it will probably fail, but they’re not ready for that. So let’s use real stories from a range of people on here, with relevant warnings (eg ‘contains photos of surgical scars’). I’d be very happy to contribute to that. And yes some of us do ‘move on’ from bc world, and some of us stay in it and live with it. Perhaps the latter focus would be better.

36

I guess the moving forward stories are good for some people who need to know that there is light at the end of the tunnel for many.

However being another who had a bilateral mx without reconstruction, I also wanted to see pictures of what I might look like. I think, too, that a range of pictures would be helpful since not everyone ends up with two nice straight scar lines. It has taken me a while to understand that different surgeons do it in different ways and for a variety of reasons, and that what we end up with is also related to our own skeletal frame. I have now accepted what I see in the mirror but there was disappointment and lack of understanding before I got to where I am because I just didn’t know what was “normal”. I also have pictures which I could share.

37

Well said msmolly.

38

Hi. I feel ‘moving forward’ is just an odd concept and not for me with secondary bc. “Moving sideways” and “hoping to keep moving as long as poss” suits me better. Maybe the title needs changing, not the idea??

Sadie Xx Xx

39

I have added a photo etc-we are all,in a sense, moving forward though towards different destinations.If my triple negative story gives newbies a little comfort then I am glad of that.
I feel that those with secondaries have different stories to tell and can quite understand them not wanting to use the gallery-but they dont have to.
Valx

40

Should have said-I am a member of another forum where we had the chance to add post surgery photos-without our faces-smiley or otherwise- and members can look at post op and recon photos should they wish to do so.
Valx