HI
Anybody been in this situation ? Last year I had such a rubbish time with a relationship ending and of course the joy of BC to deal with. However, things have turned around and are looking up in so many ways. I have been on a date with a new chap and we got on really well. We are going out again tomorrow. If this leads to anything significant, I am wondering at what stage to tell him about the BC ??
So far i have only said that I had a tough year last year and that I was off work sick for a while (went back about 2 months ago).
I was lucky enough not to need chemo and had WLE and rads. I have a scar and a bit of a dent where the lump was removed.
I am 44 and a mum of 2.
Any similar experiences/stories would be welcomed…
Thanks
Anna xx
Hi Anna
I just wanted to say that I’m really happy you have met someone nice. I’m not sure when is the best time to tell him about the BC, but I am a great believer in honesty being the best policy, so maybe sooner rather than later. If he is a decent person, then I would hope he could be a good support to you.
If it scares him off, then you wouldn’t want to be ‘keeping him’ anyway!!
Best of luck and let us know how it goes
Shenagh xx
Good point Shenagh! I will keep you posted !
Anna xx
Hi Anna,
I agree, tell him as soon as possible. If he’s a good person (or potentially “the one”) he’ll stick around, if not - why waste any more time?
I’ve been amazed by the reaction to mine - in the same way as good friends are solid and supportive, so can the right man. I started dating a guy just before my diagnosis and have been totally amazed that he hasn’t been overwhelmed by it. To be honest, there are a lot of aspects in his life that I could find too challenging, but this has changed how I view our chances. I’m not saying its all hearts & flowers, but … its good to have someone who cares, so I think its as well to find out if this one has that potential. If not, move on … and give yourself the chance to find someone who does.
Good luck with having the conversation. If you do the “can we talk” thing, he’ll probably be so relieved it isn’t about “relationships” that it’ll go better than you expect! :o)
Debs x
Oh gosh, just seen this discussion is in the younger women section. Sorry ladies, didn’t mean to intrude. You can put my post down to being a daft old bint if you like!
Debs x
Hi Debs, thanks for your input, really positive and helpful.
I posted this in Younger Women and in Family,Friends and whatever. I thought the issue was more likely to be relevant to “younger” women, but not exclusively so ! I am 44, so not exactly a spring chicken ! (although in BC terms, I think under 45 is counted as “young”!!)
You’re not intruding at all, lovely to hear from you !!
Anna xx
Hi girls x
Im new here but already this thread has caught my eye being a single lady with BC myself. I really do hope that things go well with you and your new found man! Please, please do keep us posted!
Im currently undergoing chemo, im coming up to my third cycle of 6, ive had lumpectomy & sentinal node removal which has left me scared. I am still dating though! I think you know whether you can confide in a person or not and if you are ever in doubt then its just not meant to be!
I do lack a lot of confidence compared with my former self. Wearing wigs and having scarred boobies is not great for dating but I’d find not dating at all more damaging to my soul as I am a young single woman & its normal to date!
Good Luck 2 u x x x x x
Hey Anna, I just wondered how things were going? I remember your wee boy having an accident last year - my 19 month old boy has broken his leg this week!! Went down a slide with my sister-in-law (as I’m back at work) and ended up with a full leg plaster cast. Bit of a nightmare, but hey, if I can get through cancer, then we can get him through this.
Lots of love
Shenagh
P.S. Hi Smiler - welcome to the forum. Your username totally suits you - you have a beautiful smile, and I’m sure you will have no shortage of dates : ) x
Hi guys,
Well I am still seeing the new man, but not very often as he is a divorced dad of three who has his kids 50% of the time. I have my 2 all the time apart from every other weekend and every Tuesday.So far our child-free time has not coincided very much and neither of us has family nearby to babysit. 
But aside of that, things are going well.We have tended to be quite light-hearted together and have a lot of laughs. There hasn’t really been a moment yet when it felt appropriate to talk about BC, and to be honest, I’m quite enjoying just being me and not the “me with BC”, if you know what I mean?!
Shenagh, sorry to hear about your little boy. How’s he coping ? Will he have to learn to walk all over again when he’s only just started toddling ?? Poor little chap! My lad is ok, back to pretty well normal, but still not allowed to do PE, which annoys him as it is the athletics season at school now and he is good at that!
Smiler,
nice to meet you and well done for dating through chemo! I agree with She, you look stunning and any man would be delighted and privileged to go out with you !!
I don’t use this website much any more as my active treatment finished in November, but I will log on to check this thread and keep you posted !
Lots of love
Anna xx
Hey Anna
Good to hear from you and I’m glad the relationship is going well!
My amazing son started walking again (with a full leg plaster cast) only two days after his accident. He is even kicking his football about with his bad leg. He is a little trooper and I am so proud of him. Bathtime is a bit of a nightmare and we are having to smuggle Calpol into his yoghurt but other than that we are doing fine : )
Are you on Facebook? Quite a lot of us are - if you want to add us, drop me a PM with your username and I can give you mine - it’s a great way of keeping in touch and checking out each other’s photos!
Love to all
Shenagh xx
Hi Anna,
I started a new relationship about 6 months after finishing with rads, it’s hard to know when to tell a new partner, but you’ll know when the time is right. I’ve just moved in with my new beau and he’s lovely. When I told him he wasn’t phased at all, and he has put up with me being on tamoxifen having hotties, mood swings etc.
Good luck Anna.
I’m in Sheffield too and would enjoy a meet up, if you have any places available, details etc I’d love to hear from you.
Best wishes
Adrienne
Hi all
Adrienne,
lovely to hear from you and I am so pleased it’s working out with your bloke.
If you go through these forums you will find a thread called
“Sheffield/Chesterfield/ North Derbyshire anyone?” (or something like that!!) where we arrange get togethers amongst us local ladies. We usually meet at 7pm in the Oasis (upstairs bit) in Meadowhall. We found this was pretty central for everyone, as some of the girls come from Barnsley/ Wakefield etc. Then we have a meal/wine etc and a really good laugh. There are usually about 7 of us and our next meeting is planned for Tues 25th May. You would be more than welcome to come along 
If you want you could PM me or add to the thread if you can find it !
Shenagh, I have PMed you about Facebook etc. Your little lad sounds amazing; you must be so proud of him ! I remember keeping Erhan clean was a nightmare at first. Had to wrap a hundred bin bags round his leg and loads of tape, then sit him in the bottom of the shower cubicle with his bad leg sticking out and piles of towels on the floor to soak up all the water that went everywhere !!
I am kid-free this weekend but going away to the Lake District with a friend from work, so not seeing my bloke till next Tues *sigh* !!!
Have a good Friday and weekend everyone,
Love
Anna x
Hi All x have read your comments with a smile on my face. I was diagnosed with BC in October last year, whilst I was with a partner who I thought was the nicest man ever. He came with me to all my appointments, was there when I came round from my lumpectomy op, visited me in hospital, took me every day for my Radiotherapy, put up with my mood swings… then… we split up. As soon as my Radiotherapy was over he made it clear that it wasn’t working between us and I had to move out. I had a problem after my op where my breast filled with fluid and burst along my scar and now I am left with quite a dent in the side of my boob.
I am afraid of doing the whole dating thing. I hate the thought of having to go through explaining my scars, etc. Having read some of your comments makes me feel a little better. Things are still very raw and new and I am not ready to date, but watch this space.
The nicest man ever… I found out he was having an affair whilst I was having treatment for BC… and because he couldn’t handle my mood swings in the end, called the police and had an harrassment order placed on me!!!
By the way I’m 36 and on Tamoxifen, hence the mood swings… xx
Hi Everyone
I had BC in 2008 and was v young at 22. I was in a relationship but not a completly serious one, my bf and i split up about 6 mths later. I was treated with a double mast and tamoxifen and zolidex. needless to say that my confidence plumited and felt it really difficult to meet people.
I put on ALOT of weight due to hormone therapy and my reconstructed breasts arnt what they used to be lol!
Anway this yr, decided to sort things out and get over my issues. I met my boyfrind that i have now been with for 6 months and I am truly happy again, he doesnt even mind that i dont feel comfortable with that area and he does not push me to reveal them all of the time etc. I didnt tell him straight away…i only told him when i was completly comfortable and i new that he was trustworthy and he wouldnt judge me or look at me with sympathy. I wanted him to get to know me without the cancer cloud floating around. when i told him, he was shocked but he said that he didnt care. I think at the time when i had all operations i thought that no man would come near me, but that isnt the case at all!
hope everybody is keeping well!
Emily xx