new relationships

hi ladies, i was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2008, and following mast of left breast clear nodes and imm igap recon which unfortunatley failed after a couple of days, have pretty much got on with life and come to accept my new body, a bit quirky but hey no one’s perfect lol. I’m waiting for next recon hopefully later this year as although said earlier i accept my new shape i still miss my breast, just as i would an amputated finger or toe.
anyway my dilema, have met a man, who although knows i’ve had breast cancer doesn’t know about the mast,so although i will tell him, i’m absolutely terrified for the first time since my diagnosis of someone elses reaction to and opinion of me.
He is a wonderfull man but i have to appreciate he may reject me or worse still pity me. Sorry to have gone on ladies but quite frankly needed to get this off my chest, pun intended, I’m just getting myself into a bit of a state about the whole situation, so if anyone has been there and done it your experiences would be really appreciated, love to you all

Hello sandyw

I know how you feel about this, I too have had a mastectomy with implant (tissue expansion), I am currently going through chemo and then radiotherapy.

Although I have not met anyone yet ,I too would feel under pressure, I am divorced with two teenage boys, have a wide circle of friends and usually have my hobbies and interests, but I have been on my own a long time and also hoped to meet someone someday, but like you how do you explain this to someone who comes into your life, it’s an added pressure before you start, so i can fully understand how you are feeling because I know I would be the same.

I know people say “well if he’s a decent man he will except you”, but this disease strips away your self esteem and femininity.

The good thing is he likes you and i’am sure he will be understanding and not pity you. i’am sure it will work out fine for you, all the best A x

Hi Sandy

A little bit of comfort for you. I had my mastectomy and about 6 weeks later met a man. He knew I had been ill but didn’t seem that bothered and he later told me he hadn’t realised how ill I had been. However when it came to the scar and how I looked etc I do not remember it being an issue at all. We are no longer together as it just didn’t work out but I recently did ask him about how I looked and did it bother him and his words were - no I liked you so much I didn’t care!

So hope that gives you some form of comfort and optimism. I’m also waiting for reconstruction. Good luck for yours.


My situation is a bit different as I only had WLE but I was still left with a slightly dented boob and a fairly large scar (due to position of tumour they did 1 incision for tumour and nodes). My surgery was Jan 2008. I was with someone at the time but that relationship ended and a few months back I met a new man. I told him early on that I had had cancer and although I still had 2 boobs one was smaller and disfigured… I also had back-up issue with scars from other surgeries I’ve had during my life. I was nervous about the situation as although he is a lovely man and very considerate he is also a photographer so there was a chance that my ‘imperfections’ would matter, we had half discussions about this, I was always the one to change the subject, and when the relationship moved on it was not a problem. The first time we went to bed I kept my pj top on (vest type) and during the course of the activity it did get moved about slightly and my partner was able to sneak a peek as it were without me being aware. A few days later he told me he had seen what I considered my horrible scar and that seriously it was by no means anything to get concerned about, he was not replused, in fact he viewed my scar and dent as a mark of my strength and courage.

I hope that your relationship goes from strength to strength and that your new partner accepts you for who you are and respects you for what you have gone through.

Good luck with the next recon.