new to the forum

Hi All,

I have been reading posts quite a lot since i was diagnosed but this is the first post I have made.

A little bit about me i am 32 married with 2 young children aged 4 and 2 I was diagnosed with breast cancer in nov of last year, had a lumpectomy then further surgery to obtain clear margins,my cancer was IDC Grade 2,it was also 100% hormone driven, I had no lymph node involvement, did however have lymph vascular invasion. I am currently undergoing Chemo (Epi-CMF)due my 3rd blast of CMF next week, I found the Epi hard going as did the cold cap which has worked well, when I say worked my hair is major thinned but still have a good covering. I am finding the CMF part really difficult with the sickness, once this part is over due radiation therapy then onto Tamoxifen also looking into possible hysterectomy.

The problem I am having just now is that I cant seem to get over the lymph vascular invasion part, I am convinced every ache and pain is secondary spread and seem to live every day thinking its only a matter or time before it gets me, on the outside a am positive to friends and family but alone cant seem to put it out of my mind I hate the person I am becoming. I just want to be able to feel lucky I caught it when I did rather than this impending doom feeling.

Sorry for going on a bit.

Hope you are all well

J xx

hello notbreastfriend i was dx with Tn grade3 stage2 left breast bc no lymph node involvement and no spread. im having chemo number 3 this friday i was not so lucky as you the cold cap dided work for me.the feeling of doom has become apart of my every day life.

Hi Billiegirl,

I am sorry to hear that the cold cap did not work for you a think that its a form of torture in itself, I am having re growth just now as the CMF does not affect the hair as much, what chemo are you on? My regrowth is coming in spikey and really curly not much I can do execpt ponytail and lots of hair spray to try and tame it.

J xx

Hi J,
Sorry to hear you having a really tough time at the moment, and I really recognise those feelings. You are not going on at all.
I’m 38, kids are 5 and 8, am 2 years post dx. I had AC and taxotere, and like you chemo made me very sick-I lost weight, and felt very down and anxious at about the same point in treatment as you. Your body gets such a hammering that I think it is really normal, but really awful, to worry about all the aches and pains-I was terrified about the constant pains in my legs and back during chemotherapy. Do tell your onc and BCN about your fears-mine were great at reassuring me during treatment, and have always been on the ball when things have needed checking out.
Keeping that positivity up for family and friends is wearing, and sometimes we just can’t do it-try not to be too hard on yourself for feeling the way you are. I found trying to be 'upbeat’for husband, kids, parents, and friends exhausting. In fact my husband regularly took the brunt!I was almost blinkered at times, trying to stay so focused during chemotherapy, but when I was nearing my last few cycles and thinking about surgery, the reality of my situation, and fear for the future got on top of me. It all seemed to hit home. But I did get through that part.
I remember snapping once when I just needed to be left to feel sad, and everyone was trying to drag me out, and telling me to be positive. It is important to be positive, but I think sometimes its ok to accept that for now you feel sad and scared, and not feel bad about that on top of things.It wasn’t until I did that, that I was able to accept things and appreciate where I was, and get on with living. During treatment I didn’t want to consider it, but once I was through treatment I had a few counselling sessions at my hospital,I just felt I needed to be able to be honest with someone who I didn’t feel responsible for, and it was useful.
I feel I have gone on myself, but hope that some of this may be useful.Best best wishes
Take care
C xx

hi J

im a bit further ahead than you as its a year ago since i was diagnosed with grade TNBC with extensive LVI… was really paranoid about the LVI too to begin with as well as being TN which was two kinda negative points, however over time i have found it easier to deal with and dont worry so much about what will be.

i was 40 when i was diagnosed (that was the 2nd time also diagnosed at 37 but didnt need chemo that time) with TNBC also had epi-cmf and found the epi quite up and down and knackered my veins and although i was assured the cmf wasnt as bad i found it slightly worse just feeling generally crap till it was over.

my kids are teenagers so were more independent than you wee ones during my treatment, but they kinda just ignored me and did their own thing which was good and bad LOL.

at my unit they dont really rate LVI as a risk factor for spread and its not really taken into account when deciding on chemo regime etc.

lots of people have spread to nodes or have LVI and never get spread so try and live for the day if you can.