New Years Day!

Hi All,

I was wondering how you are all feeling about new years day. Don’t get me wrong i’m not moaning about it but everyone is giving good wishes for the coming year which is nice but as i said to my hubby every day is a special day and no one knows what the future holds and no one knows whats gona happen in 2010.

I feel a bit scared about the coming year, i feel a bit on edge of the unknown and i don’t want to be nice just for one day.

Last nite it did my head in with the txting i ended turning the phone off.

Is it me feeling a bit sensitive about the future or is it because of what i have experienced i feel like this?

Does anyone feel the same?
Sukes

Hi Sukes,

I know exactly how you feel… Been a bit of a strange day today. I have been so relieved to put 2009 behind me but I’m naturaly worried about the future. I suppose that feeling will remain with all of us from now on. It’s how we deal with it that’s the challenge. I am embracing the “New Year” with the “New Normal” a sort of new adjustment in my life and the way I think about things. I have been having a period of reflection today, of all the people no longer here with us, the relief of finishing treatment and the hope that I get to have many more New Years in which to make the most of life… I’m not going to reproach myself if I get very maudling, I think it’s important that we do it sometimes, it must play a part in the healing process.

Best wishes
Fiona xxx

Hi

It’s not just today but lately I keep having this feeling that something bad is going to happen to someone I love. For example,my husband and son are going to a football match on Sunday and I am worried that they might have an accident. That is how I feel all the time, I know it is irrational. I suppose it’s because this (bc) happened to me and I always thought it could only happen to other people. I have realised how your life can change so drastically in an instant.

I have always found New Year’s Day to be a bit depressing. Roll on tomorrow!

Happy New Year!
Maude xx

I’m calling it “Here’s to 2011” - I know there’s a lot to go through for 2010, with imminent surgery and whatever else they decide, but i’m trying to look beyond and i know that in a year’s time the worst should be in the past and i hope to be where Feemac is now, relieved and adjusting to the new normal.

Sukes, I nearly turned my phone off too and put my head under my pillow, but then all these lovely friends started to send me real little encouragements, and although they mostly don’t know yet what’s going on for me, I will treasure those messages and those friends through the dark weeks and months ahead.

I have to admit to a small degree of ‘pretending’ on NYE. I was at a party with good friends and there “Here’s to 2010 being a better year” was abounding, I was saying it myself. But I have 4-5 months of chemo and rads still to do, and herceptin will take me through to february 2011, so it will in no way be a normal year.

I am just hopeful that the planned treatment is all I have. No (nasty) surprises is all I ask for. xxxx

Happy new january everyone, yes i am quite scared about the coming year, i finished treatment on 28 december, but have been using xmas as a kind of comfort zone. now have to look forward to the new months ahead and get working on the positives, feel a bit naked

no hiding under the duvet from next week

have a good weekend im hoovering up via my stomach all leftovers , then keep fat dvd on

take carexxxxx

Hi, I was feeling really positive about new year but also ended up pretending a bit, like Flora, so as not to sadden the lovely people I was with. Its not like a wild dip or anything, just a sad consciousness that this isn’t over. My OH and kids are feeling positive about my last chemo being on 6 Jan and their friends in particular are being lovely about it, but I have to think about rads and also about the future and what all this means (this is a recurrance that has mutated from grade 1 to grade 3 without clear margins possible because of where it was), and I’m scared of the dips in my mental health, which have worked alongside chemo to make life rotten sometimes during the past 6 months. Ho hum. On the upside, I too have all those leftovers to hoover up and some of them are lovely!
have a good week - day by day
love monica xx

thank you all for responding. Its not just me then feeling a sense of pretence at this time.

Maude - your message really touched me and please try not to feel so frightened - easier said than done i know!. Its amazing how this effects us not only at the time of dx and treatment but also after treatment. I finished chemo aug 08 and rads oct 08 but still the damn fear is with me and i think it always will.

I feel a bit better today not as depressed and fearful as yesterday.

Love to u all
sukes

We both had flu over the last week and this is the first day since Wednesday I’ve been up. I brought in New Year from my bed with a little glass of advocaat for medicinal purposes. I suppose you could say the flu was a diversion from thoughts of BC. I’m so bored now I’ve started taking the decorations down and I just want to get back to work on Monday as we are all behind and not where we should be with all out projects - plus we have new projects about to start in the next week or so.

I have begun to loathe new year with a vengence. I actually don’t want to have time to reflect on ‘what has been’ or ‘what will happen’ - in fact lets be honest - I don’t want to do Christmas either or any potentially joyous family gathering. As soon as I feel really happy, I have the instant thought ‘this ain’t gonna last’ - especially when iwatch my family being particularly happy - and no I don’t want them to be unhappy of course not.

This year we went to a party and I think i last 30 minutes before i had to come away - feeling ill and then feeling very sad and tearful. Fortunately i did it all descretly as to minimise3 the a,mount of apologies the next day, But from me from now on you can stuff new year, I’m disappearing under my covers or having a celebration the night before! Humbug!

Thankfully I don’t go out New Years Eve as my two youngest boys 10 -12 like to have a little buffet and watch the count down and fireworks, with just me. Easy I thought but oh, I had the miseries and I didn’t think I was going to be able to hide it. 9.30pm still sitting here, no party food, no inclination to do anything at all. Gathered up my boys and went to the M&S garage and spent loads of money on party food! Pulled it off, my boys enjoyed themselves and of course that cheered me up a bit.

I realised later and even today have the miseries, that the reality of a diagnosis of bone mets in June 2009 has finally hit me. I think the thought of a new year has brought home stuff that may happen, treatment that I will have to have.

I am spending hours on this forum trying to get myself back on a even keel but its taking its time.

I’m angry with everyone that isn’t horrified about my news! Which is silly because my news was six months ago, most of them haven’t asked anyway and don’t know that I have another new met. I hope I lose the anger soon or the few friends I have left will abandon me. :slight_smile:

Sending you all my best wishes.
Paula x

hi
I was diagnosed with liver secondarys 3 weeks before christmas, a total bolt out of the blue, had only finished all treatment 6 months ago, started chemo again 1 week before christmas started out all positive , now new year has really hit me and i am scared what 2010 is going to chuck at me , i had a miserable night but put on a face for family !!!
galen x