Hi I am new to this site. My mum was diagnosed with breast cancer in June 2006. She was told she was triple negative & had a rare & aggressive form of cancer. She has since had 3 reoccurances & 7 weeks ago we were told that her cancer had spread to her brain. She was given weeks to months left to live.
My mum is my best friend. I adore her & idolise her. She is 52 & I am 27. I never thought I would lose my mum at this age 
I never actually thought of losing her. My little boy was born in May 2006 & she was diagnosed the following month. I didn’t return to work until after a year & when I did it was part time, so I am grateful for the fact that I have had so much time to spend with her over the last 2 years. She is grateful for the fact that she has seen 2 of her grandchildren born & both her children grow up & get married, which is more than some people get. But I am so sad that this has happened to her.
She had whole brain radiotherapy about 3 weeks ago now. I have heard that makes you tired, but she has hardly been out of bed the last 2 weeks. We are all worried that this tiredness is the beginning of the end for her. She just has no energy at all. She celebrated my little boys 2nd birthday with us last sunday, then it was mine on Tuesday & she only made it over to my house for half an hour before she was too tired & then my nephew’s was Thursday & she didn’t manage to see him at all because she was just exhausted. My mum would never have missed birthdays, hence I am so worried that this is it. she is very tense all the time, I give her massages whenever I can, but I have my son to look after & I work, so I can’t be there all the time as I’d like to be. My dad is brilliant at looking after her, but after 32 years together he is heart broken & this is starting to take its toll on him now.
Can anyone tell me if her tiredness is an effect of the radiotherapy or is this the beginning of the end? Will she pick up at some point for a while?
Ruth xx
Hello Ruth - I am so sorry that your mum is so unwell and exhausted, and that you and your family are going through such an awful time. So hard to be celebrating birthdays, and trying to keep things cheerful for the children, when I am sure that all the time you are worrying about your mum. She is very lucky to have you - you sound like a wonderful daughter, and I’m sure you are a tower of strength for your dad as well, but it is just such a sad situation to be in. I think that to some extent the tiredness is likely to be caused by the radiotherapy - you might want to have a look on the “secondary breast cancer” thread, there are quite a few ladies there who have had WBR and I am sure they could give you more information. Does your mum have a MacMillan or Palliative Care Nurse? They will be able to answer many of your questions and give support to your whole family. I hope you will get some more answers soon. Thinking of you. Sarah x
So sorry to hear your news and I can’t answer your questions I just feel for you. I lost my mum to cancer when she was 72 and I was 48 and there was no way I was ready to lose her then so I can only imagine how bad you must be feeling. All you can do is be there for her as you are. It isn’t easy and still isn’t easy for me 4 years on.As seabird said there are other areas you can look for more info and I hope you get the answers you are looking for and your mum does rally.
take care
xx
Hi Ruth
I think it’s a hard time for all of you. Part of her tiredness will probably be from the radiotherapy but also it’s really hard coming to terms with what’s going on for you and I would imagine it’s hit your mum hard (as it has you and your dad).
I lost my mum to breast cancer when she was 46 and I was 27. I now have secondary breast cancer (spine and liver) and have lived with this since 2004. I’ve had a couple of periods where I’ve been extremely ill (when I was first diagnosed with mets as my spine had fractured and then 2 years ago when I was given a matter of months to live because my liver was beginning to pack up).
All I can say is that sometimes things do take a turn for the better. I know that’s not true for everyone but the consultants aren’t always right and I sincerely hope that your mum will start to improve.
I must admit that I don’t have any knowledge or experience of brain mets but it is hard living with the knowledge that we might not be around long term. It’s also hard sometimes, when you are feeling quite ill, to lift yourself but I hope that once the radiotherapy has taken effect that things start to improve for your mum.
As Sarah says, having a really supportive daughter makes such a difference.
Hi Ruth
I am so sorry about your mum. I just wanted to let me know my experience, my mum also had brain mets and WBR. Obviously everyone is different, but they did tell my mum that one of the side effects was extreme tiredness. She also didnt get out of bed for ages but gradually started to pick up. She also seemed out of it for a while, listening to conversations etc but you got the feeling that she didnt understand what was going on. Unfortunately my mum didnt live to see the effects of her WBR as she died of pneumonia a couple of months later, nothing to do with the brain mets, her lung was the problem at that stage. My mum had an operation before her WBR and I remember the surgeon saying that the lung problems were probably going to cause her more trouble in the end than the brain mets, which I didnt believe as at the time the lung mets were responding well to treatment, but I guess he was right. We are the same age, I was 25 when my mum died nearly 2 years ago and she was only 55 so I know how you are feeling. I had my first baby nearly 8 months after she died, I had just found out I was pregnant when I lost her so she didnt see her first grandchild. I know what you mean - its not fair as they are so young. It sounds like your dad is a big support to your mum, my dad was too. As Sarah said, have you considered speaking to the Macmillan nurse to see if they have any advice? xxxx
Hi Ruth,
Have you thought about ringing BCC’s helpline? The helpline is not only for people suffering with BC but for friends and family caring for those with BC. It may help you to have a chat with one of our helpliners who will be able to give you some good advice on where to get help if it’s needed and some much needed support for yourself and your dad. The lines reopen this morning at 9.00 a.m. and are open until 5.00 p.m. Monday to Friday and Saturdays 9am - 2pm. The calls are free, 0808 800 6000.
Hope this helps, kind regards,
Jo, Facilitator
I am so so sorry to hear that your Mum is so ill. I can’t offer any advice or information as this is not something I have encountered myself. I just thought I would offer you my best wishes.