I was only diagnosed afew days ago, with breast cancer and adjusting with the help of my wonderful husband although feel stunned and shocked . However I am hurt and bewildered by my adult children’s reaction which as been almost like it is something of a none event! I feel very hurt and confused by their lack of empathy … Am I being over sensitive or can this be usual response at the beginning . Thank you anyone who may have the time to shine any light on this I would be so grateful?
Hi. Sorry you find youself here, and sending you lots of support via this forum. Like you the reaction of people has been one of the biggest surprises to me. I have two adult children, who I have told from day one what has been going on. However, I have also told them that I want them and me to carry on as normal - sometimes easier said than done - it is my wonderful Husband who takes all the strain! For me I have found it a support that both my children take little notice as I wanted from day one space outside of BC. You will find as you go along BC is very complex and unique to each individual, and I have realised this is not known by the general population, which prompts a variety of responses from people- sadly I have experienced a lot of ignorance from some.
back to the children, both my children (28 & 35) reacted much as you describe, a good description actually “a none event” but for me that is how I wanted it. Treatments for BC are amazing now, so I hope you will have your treatment plan soon. I am now going forward for my radiotherapy and rarely discuss with my children unless they ask me.
I can echo what Patriciamay has said. I was honest with my teenagers but also told them not to worry and that we would try and carry on as normal. They have done and I am glad. It doesn’t mean they don’t care just that they are finding their own ways of dealing with it. Also, I think the word cancer is probably not as scary to the younger generation as it is to us. Treatment has come a long way. xx
Thank you so much everyone for taking the time to comment, and my wishes for you all for a complete return to good health . It seems it really is a very complicated journey I am on for now. I don’t want you to think that I’m just looking for lots of weeping and omg reactions, but was in shock and very scared . They are both very high flying career people and I know their time is very busy , but I was hurt that they didn’t think it warranted in one case a phone call just a text saying don’t worry be positive ! But I know that is the modern way of communication ! My husband is (in his word)gobsmack by the pair of them. We are however a very strong couple and have seen many storms through together , we will recroup and see this one through the same . Thank you again (hope I’ve used the site ok posting this question) and I hope I can ️maybe be of help to other members in the future ??? thank you everyone
Hello Bippy - welcome to the forum. I have found this place absolutely invaluable for support, who better to support us than others who are going through, or have been through, the same experience. There’s so much more to a cancer diagnosis than the disease itself, and as you have found family and friends all deal with it differently. As Helena said perhaps your children are almost making light of it as they don’t want you to know that they’re upset. My son is a doctor and he has dealt with my diagnosis in a very practical way, although I can sense his worry beneath this. My daughter, on the other hand, had almost ignored it for a while, then she did arrive home unplanned for a weekend just to ‘see’ me! I have found some friends and colleagues reactions hard at times - the horror on some peoples faces when you say you have cancer really upset me - initially I was very upbeat and just naively thought it would all be over quickly. The worst comments are the ones that say how brave I am, how they couldn’t do it! There’s no brave involved - we didn’t choose this disease, but we will do all we can to beat it, and we are always here to offer support based on our different experiences when we can.