Just getting over the shock of finding out I have breast cancer and now I now I have found out it has already to my lungs. You all sound so positive and upbeat. I have already started on the brandy today. How do you get from the shock of hearing the news back to a somewhere near functioning human being? I am only 38 and don’t even know how to start getting my head round it.
Sally,
I am so sorry to hear your news. I am not quite in the position you are but wanted to reply as I do know how it feels to be sitting on the computer looking for some comfort. You will find it on these forums where you will also find lots of practical and emotional support from others who are going through/have been through what you are.
I found out I have breast cancer in March this year. It has spread to my lymph nodes but not beyond this. However, on lung scan I did have a 5mm nodule on my lungs. My team are treating this as an incidental finding and not as a secondary spread as they feel it is unlikely. However, I always feel that this might be something that becomes more significant as time goes on.
When they first told me I had cancer I was in shock and as every piece of mostly bad news has come in I have also felt more shock. The only thing I can say as I seem to be rubbish at finding the right words, is that in my case the news is eventually absorbed and it becomes less of a shock and just the new state of play. Then I get back to being myself again and manage to put the shock and the worry to the back of my mind. Having 2 children helps in keeping me busy, I feel I cant afford to dwell on it, my 7 year old watches me like a hawk for evidence of sadness and worry. So for her sake and my son I am making the best of things. But I think this is only possible after the shock has lifted. You will function again because you simply have to, as we all do, you will have bad days and good days but I hope that like me you have more good than bad despite BC.
Thinking of you,
Pauline
Hi Sally
My heart goes out to you
I was diagnosed with primary breast cancer and then secondary in my bones within a month
I am only 35 so being told by my oncologist on the day i was supposed to start my chemo 'you have secondaries and we can’t cure you was the biggest shock ever
I still feel that i am living in a complete nightmare and think maybe i’ll just wake up and this will be a bad dream
Once the shock wore off i have found that my overwhelming feeling was anger -‘how dare this happen to me’ / why me
This has affected my relationships with people and I find i am hurting people i care about especially my husband and 7 year old son. I find myself being less tolerant and seem to fly off the handle for the stupidest things
I am trying to work through this though - I recognise that most of my anger is stemming from being frightened and scared. Its hard to function at times as you feel that your future has been snatched away from you and you have no control over this
However I have found that life does continue and i try to stay positive when i can. Setting myself small achievable goals always helps (and if all else fails a large glass of wine)
Talking to people helps and using forums - At first i felt so alone, that noone understood how i felt and what i was going through but there are many of us batttling this cr**** disease together.
You are not alone and now found some friends who will support you
Love
Jools
Hi Sally,
I was diagnosed with bc and lung mets at the same time nearly 3 months ago, and at 37, like you could not believe it, and still alternate between anger, sadness, fear and a surprising amount of getting on with life as normal. Jools, I can identify totally with the flying off the handle bit, and my partner is having to learn new levels of tolerance!
I don’t know if you ever start getting your head round it, but other people talk of finding a new kind of normal. I am trying to be kinder to myself, taking any help thats offered, such as massage from the local cancer support centre, help with child care to cover all those appointments, and have just started seeing a counsellor.
Please don’t expect too much of your self at the moment, and stay in touch-we are all in the same situation.
love,
India
Thank you everbody for your quick replies. It has helped knowing that I am not the only one in this situation and I am not going mad. Macmilliman nurse visited yesterday and that has helped plus sleeping tablets form doctor. I have had one EC so far when I have finished the EC I am going to have taxotere and herceptin. It is hormone negative. They are going to do another CT scan half way so I am hoping there might be some shrinkage by then.Fortunately, I dont have children to worry about and a teriffically supportive husband.
India
I understand from other discussions that you are getting married. I hope the plans are going well and you have a really special day.
Best Wishes
Sally
Hi SallyK
I was dx in 2004 with bc and then lung mets this April, have just had 4 x Vinorelbine and CT scan tomorrow hoping for no futher spread and hopefully some shrinkage.
This is not a nice place to be but keeping going, still working and being busy with my kids has been getting me thru. It’s easy to get bogged down in it all and today things seem difficult, tomorrow might be better 
Wishing you all the best with your treatment
Steph x
Hi Sally
Just wanted to say “hi” to you and let you know that I am another one with lung mets… your not alone…
I’m 33, was diagnosed with primary bc at 31, in the last 2 years i havent really had a break from treatment, 4 months in all, its hard going but somehow you find the strength to keep going…i’ve had E-CMF followed by Tamoxifen, then Taxotere with Herceptin, now I’m on a clinical trial for Tykerb along with Capecitebine.
I have tumours in both lungs and i will have a CT scan on 14th August to see how its working… i’m keeping everything crossed…
Just wanted to say hang in there… when i was first given the news… i was and dont get me wrong, i still am… devastated… i didnt think i would ever cope or learn to live with it but slowly day by day i have, i posted on this site just like you have and got lots of replies from ladies in the same situation. Its a very scary time right now for you but you will get stronger… the women on here gave me hope that there is a future, so please dont give up hope…
keep posting… we are all here for each other
Take care
Jakki
xx
Hi Sally,
I agree try and keep positive although it is sometimes hard. I have secondaries in my brain too many to operate. However I am blowed if I will let this stop me from doing things I want. The support here is fantastic and we are all here to help when we can.
Sending loads of love and positive thoughts to you.
Treakle
Hello Ladies
I was just wondering…how do you find out whether you have secondaries or not? I’m having chemo (just finished 4 Epi) and when I asked the oncologist about further tests etc I was told there wouldn’t be any. The only checks would be when I go for standard check ups (not sure what these involve though). Not been offered further scans or anything to reassure me that the treament will have worked.
Thanks,
Carol
HI Carol
I asked this too, and just wish there was a body scan that would show if anything had spread.
Its like living with a black cloud over you all the time, as if just waiting for something to happen.
I have just started my zoladex injections after 6 FEC chemos, and I do feel well, as I have throughout all of this, and I sometimes wonder “should I feel this well”. Hopefully that is a good sign
I was told that it can take years to know if it has spread anywhere else, as cells can travel and then lie dormant.
I think it is a case of cross everything you can and pray!!!
Take care
Angie
xx
By the time I had my first appointmnent in breast clinic I had an unexplained cough. They decided to do chemo to shrink the lump before surgery to conserve more of my breast and arranged for a CT scan which showed the spread to lungs. I guess I was just extremely unlucky. I don’t even know if they will do surgery now. I will ask at next appointmnent to review how chemo is working. I didn’t find lump as such but area of hardness in breast. The lump must be fairly well hidden (large breasts)because even armed with mamogram and ultrasound pictures they didn’t get the right place when doing the biopsy and I had to have another one done the following week with ultrasound! I am trying to console myself by thinking I probably would have had come back later and and at least I am not left wondering if it will but it would have been nice to have some ‘time off’ in between. I am hoping chemo and herceptin will work for me and buy me lots of time as this will be the first time I have had it. I have had one lot of chemo already and I am coughing much less so I am hoping that this is a good sign.
Best wishes
Sally
Hi Sally,
I had a lumpectomy and SNB 3 weeks ago but prior to this had symptoms of gallsones anyway to cut a long story short finally got my ultrasound results today to diagnose gallstones, and found I don’t have gallstones(bang goes the fat free diet) but have numerous liver mets instead. I really can’t believe it and I haven’t seen the onc yet as they are on holiday! I’m 41 and my mum is in pieces she lost one son at 14 months and another at 33 and all she has left is me…life’s a b…
Allie
I am so sorry to hear your bad news. You must be in total shock and having to wait to see the oncologist can’t be helping. I found out about my spread a week ago I know exactly how you are feeling. The only thing that helped get through those first days was brandy and sleeping pills and I hardly drink at all! I have to say now the shock has started to wear off I am coping a little better. Talking to people on forums like this, going through the same thing have been the only thing that has kept me sane. It does help to know you are not the only one going through this devestation. I agree life is a b… but you don’t have to go through it on your own.
Sally
I was diagnosed with BC last May and had a mastectomy. I then had a CT scan which showed numerous Liver mets. It is very hard to come to terms with something like that, but I am on my second course of chemo and hopefully Liver spots are shrinking. Don’t know how long for though as I only had 4 months between chemos. It is hard to talk to family about things as my children get upset. Husband is excellent though. The thing I find hard to come to terms with is that after chemo there is nothing, my cancer is not herceptin or hormone receptive, and you just have to wait for it to flare up again for next bout of chemo. I try to get on with my life but it is always there in the back of my mind.
Good luck to everyone though. I am sure with the help of these forums we can all be strong and cope with whatever life throws at us.
Hi SallyK and Janett
I have multiple liver mets also found on initial BC diagnosis almost exactly two years ago. I am on my third different chemo now - xeloda - as hormonals don’t really work for me. I can do more or less exactly what I always have done (run myself ragged after two young children) and my quality of life is very good. You can live a good life after you have come to terms with this c**p. I know this is hard to do, but you do become used to it and I can go quite long periods of time now without thinking about it atall.
I wish you both good luck with your treatments and yes Janett, you are right, these forums really help us to cope - there is almost always someone in the same leaky boat as oneself and while I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy (hmm…) it is good to know that there are others who totally understand what we go through every day.
Jenny
xx
Hi Jenny
Its good to hear that you can have periods of time when you don’t even think about it. I have had a good couple of days. My husband has even got back to decorating our bedroom (everything has been on hold for the last few weeks).Blood tests tomorrow and second chemo tomorrow. Hopefully I won’t be so sick this time. I suppose chemo becomes a way of life. Have you managed to have any breaks from it at all?
Sally
XX