Newly diagnosed wife

Hi Paul and Paul’s wife
Hope you had a good evening with your friends, and as well as a good laugh, l hope you managed to come to a decision, with the help of your friends and Paul.
l was diagnosed in February, l was assured by the surgeon and the ultra scan that no lymph nodes were involved, when they did the biopsy it showed there was a trace of cancer in the node, so l had a lumpectomy and aux clearance in March, two weeks later l was was told not enough clear margin was taken and l would need another op, on top of this, l had 16 out of 18 glands with cancer, the surgeon said he was shocked, but not as shocked as l was!! after the second op in April, l was told again not enough clear margin was taken so l need a mastectomy, this was done in May. Now when l look back, l remember when l was first diagnosed asking the doctor if he would just do a mastectomy and get it out of the way! so to speak, he assured me there was not need, as the lump was small and no signs of spread!! how wrong was he.
Given the choice again, l would just go the a mastectomy, the stress l have been under the last three months has been so hard to bear. I started my first chemo on the 11th june, if l’d had my mastectomy in the first place, l would be almost finished with the chemo, instead of just starting.
I am surprised the doctor is sitting on the fence, we do need a bit of guidance, so perhaps you need to ask for a second opinion. It is the waiting game, l would just think ‘cut it off’ but that is me!
Goog Luck to your wife whatever she decides
Hugs to all
Sandra xxx

@jansman - I read through your blog yesterday and found it helpful. You sound a little like I am - wanting to understand and help as much as possible.

I think one of the big things for me at the moment is I am a fixer. I like mending things. The boys keep bringing me all sorts to mend, and I normally manage it. Then I go and get presented with something I cannot fix.


Hi Paul

I justcread your last post and wanted to add a little of my exprience with my OH . He is a fixer too. He found the helplessness of not being able to fix the cancer very difficult to cope with. So he tried to fix me emotionally. Each time I found more about my cancer I would get upset. It was kind of a grieving process for me where I could come to terms with what could happen. But he just saw the upset. So ge would get angry with me and tried to stop me finding out more. I know he just wanted me not to cry.

I did eventually persuade him that this was part of the process and for now I know all I need to about my cancer and have started to move forward. There are less tears. He did find one area he could fix. We have two small children 2 and 5 and I was very anxious about them. He has taken the pressure of me with them. He makes sure they are happy. I am not saying I don’t but their dad now knows as much about their world as I do. This is very comforting.

Your situation may be completely different, but I do understand youbwanting to fix things. Try to channel it into something that will bring comfort to your wife. I can see from your posts that you are supportive. Please remember that there will be lots of ups and downs on this journey but you can be the greatest part of helping your wife through it. Dx

There will be things you can fix…eg when I was in hospital my handbag was stolen (my fault, should have given it to the nurses station as they advise) - and my poor OH spent a couple of days running about canceling credit cards, arranging for a new mobile phone,getting the locks changed etc. During chemo he would go off and get lots of little savoury pastries and snacks which he knew I liked when my appetite wasn’t great. He taped the whole of Green Wing because it made me laugh…No, he couldn’t fix the cancer but he could fix everything else and I don’t know how I would have managed to get through it without him. I am sure you will be equally indespensible for your wife.