Newly diagnosed
Newly diagnosed Hi, I am a 36 year old mum of 4 and was diagnosed last week with breast cancer (they told me straight away it was cancer). I had some core biopsey preformed and received the results 2 days ago. Thay have said 3 quite large cancers and have used the term stage or grade 3?? The consultant has said i need to have a mastectomy to be followed 1 month later by chemo therapy. I am due to have the operation on 30th May they are also going to remove the lymph nodes. In the meantime I have had the blood tests and chest xrays and go next week for the liver scan and I am waiting for an appointment for a bone scan. I am a bit unsure what to expect after surgery as I find the thought of having 1 breast more frightening than the thought of having cancer which i suppose seems stupid because having 1 breast can not shorten your life. I have requested reconstruction but have been told that yes I can have it but not for 6 -12 months after the operation. I am trying hard to be positive but it is not easy.
I feel as if I have got to hold it together because of the effect of my husband (who has been fantastic) but mainly for my children especially the eldest he starts has GCSE exams in a few weeks and has got enough on his plate without all this. I have told my children that I have got breast cancer and need an operation to remove the cancer and chemo therapy afterwards, but I am not sure if they realise that I will be having the whole breast removed. I don’t wan’t to freak them out and frighten them with all the details but don’t know if I should explain to them in more detail.
Any comments appreciated
Thanks
motherk
I
Hi Hi motherk’sorry you have to join us but this is a wonderful site with some very supportive and positive ladies.I can recommend the Breast Cancer Care helpline if you need to talk things through.They are so helpful and have as much time as you want.You will find that once treatment starts it is easier to cope its the waiting that is horrible.I think youve probably told the kids enough for now encourage them to ask if they need to know more .You sound like such a close loving family that you will get through this together.It isnt an easy road love but it does have an end.love horace
me too Hi Mummy k
i was diagnosed this week, 41 year old mother of 2, after the shock, i have found myself crying to odd trigger oints, the most facile being the underwear section of our local dept store, I just realised that I had been put in a different box to all the people who would shop there?
Standing crying over red lacy underwear seems trivial when you look at the bigger picture but its the bit that to me that underlines the whole affair, will i lose my sexuality? husband thinks its silly, i can see its silly, but I have now realsed that i would rather be alive with no breast than not.
I expect that resolve will weaken every time I go to get dressed or go shopping for ever…but as long as there is a forever!!
there are so many things running through my head and i expect you are the same. My operation is next tuesday and my preop is today, then its buying pyjamas…no marilyn monroe, just chanel no 5 in bed for me!, (at least not in hospital)!!
my mantra, you won’t be able to change the outcome but you can change your experience of it, keep smiling
Clairex
Dear motherk I am sorry to read of your recent diagnosis. I am sure you will continue to receive helpful support from the other forum users, in addition, as horace has kindly mentioned, you are welcome to contact our freephone helpline on 0808 800 6000 where you are able to talk to someone in confidence about how you are feeling at the moment and any concerns you may have during this difficult period . The line is open Monday - Friday 9am - 5pm, Saturdays 9am - 2pm
Breast Cancer Care have recently published a Resources Pack which you may find helpful to read, it is filled with information to help you better understand your diagnosis, test results and the various treatments available. You can download it from the following link or you can ask for a copy to be sent to you via the helpline:
breastcancercare.org.uk//content.php?page_id=7514
Kind Regards
Forum Host
Breast Cancer Care
Sorry you’ve joined us Hi Motherk,
So sorry to hear you’ve had to join us. I am 34 and was diagnosed almost 8 weeks ago now, although I feel like I have been living with this forever! I had a right mastectomy and total node clearance on Mar 29th, due to start chemo on May 14th.
Like you I was very concerned pre-op about how I would look with only 1 boob, I was also afraid that my boyfriend may not find me attractive anymore. I couldn’t have been more wrong to be honest. I found that I was able to look at myself pretty early on post-op and what I saw didn’t freak me out like I imagined it would. I was so relieved to get the cancer out of me that I felt losing a boob was a small price to pay. Also what I keep reminding myself is that I won’t look like this forever. As soon as I have finished rads after chemo I will be having a recon so I can certainly live with it in the meantime! My boyfriends reaction when he first looked at me without a top on was fantastic and he has been awesome throughout. It really doesn’t phase him at all.
When I got discharged from hosp I posted ‘home from mastectomy, hurrah!’ on this page and loads of women who were pre-op said it helped them immensly. I know other ladies have posted similar things so that could be worth a look. I would definately recommend you order the ‘exercises after breast surgey’ booklet from this site and take it in with you. Although the physios will give you exercises to do I found this booklet invaluable.
Best of luck to you, hope the op goes really well,
Take care and be sure to let us know how you get on,
Kelly
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Welcome to our club!The first few weeks are a blur from diagnosis and the emotions come in waves.It does get better though-l am 3 yrs down the line and my tumour was a grade 3.It is odd with only one boob-mine were big buggers so pretty obvious!!!However the prostheis you will have is so life like that no body notices.If you look in on the younger womens forum you will get great support -lm an oldie at just! 48 now.One of my daughters had just started a gap yr when l was diagnosed and the other was sitting her last degree exam whist l was in theatre having my op.Being honest with them helped and even younger children know whats going on-my 10 yr old nephew worked it out from hearing bit of phone coversations! Take care -we are always here
love sharonx
So Sorry Hi Motherk,
If my experience was anything to go by, it is really frightening when you are first dx. I felt as if I was being pushed along really fast, too quickly to stop and think.
My first advice to you would be that if you have any questions for your medical team, write them down because everything is such a blur, it is hard to remember anything. Take a pad with you so you can write down the answers because it is difficult to absorb all the information.
I found that I could hear the answers but I was unable to process them at the time they were given.
Also don’t be afraid to research, it MAY give you more options than you have dared yourself to consider, it MAY NOT but it is definitely worth checking. Pubmed is a great place to start, another great place is cancerbackup.
Take a look at these links, which MAY or MAY NOT make any difference to you at all but worth a look and MAY be worth discussing with your surgeon.
breastcancer.org/tre_surg_skinsparing.html
Never forget that you are entitled to a second opinion.
Good luck
I shall be thinking of you.
All the best
Mrs S xx
Good to talk to those who understand! Hi Claire,
Thanks for your kind words of encouragement I know exactly what you mean about the underwear section, I found myself in floods of tears walking through the underwear section at Asda’s the otherday and ended up feeling like a right idiot. I suppose it’s because all of the mixed emotions!
I am trying to remain positive but it is not always easy.
I wish you lots of luck with the operation on Tuesday, at least you are not being kept waiting too long. My op is not until 30th May it seems so far away, and I keep thinking how much the cancers will grow in that time (talk about freaking myself out) but I suppose it gives me more time to get used to what is going to happen!
Take care and keep in touch
Regards
Kellie (motherk)
Hi motherk (Kellie)
I am so sorry to hear of somebody else who is going through this whole rotten experience and send you a huge hug!
I had a mastectomy 5 weeks ago and also had a lymph node clearance 4 days ago as they found cancer in the my lymph node biopsy.
I must say that the thought of the mastectomy and afterwards was much worse for me than the actual event. Like Kelly I looked at my scar very early on as did my husband and it was not half as bad as I thought. My children are also very aware of it and my 7 year old daughter makes lots of jokes about me having only one boob! It does not seem to phase her or scare her at all, this is maybe helped as we have tried to make as light of it as possible.
However, I know that all women face this differently and it can be a huge thing for some. Personally, I am very glad it has been removed, 9 years ago I also had a lump removed from the same breast and Ive also had numerous cysts, my husband joked that the little bugger had it coming to him and it had to come out! When I look at the space now I dont think of my breast but I think of the cancer that has been removed instead.
Take care of yourself and expect to be up and down, this is completely normal, you have had a huge shock. 30th May will come round quicker than you think - this is also the date that I will have my first chemo, so you will not be the only one both looking forward to (in terms of getting it out of the way) and dreading this date.
Pauline x
Thanks for your support Hi everyone,
I would like to say a big thanks for all your kind words of encouragement, it has really helped. I received a letter from the hospital yesterday changing the date of my mastectomy to the next day 31st May don’t suppose it makes much difference but it messed with my head (I don’t know why)!
Feeling better today I think I have been trying so hard to be ok in front of everyone that it all caught up with me last night but had a good cry and feel much better today!
Went to buy some sensible bra’s yesteday found that a bit hard but felt better afterwards! Didn’t know what to get so ended up with triumph doreen duluxe I think these should be ok. The shop didn’t stock much choice in my size 44F.
Can anyone please tell me what you are given post op to fill the empty side of your bra?
Thanks again
Kellie (motherk)
Hi Kellie,
Given that your treatment team are happy to postpone your op could this possibly be an encouraging sign?
I know what you are currently facing is terrifying, but that delayed date MAY give you just a little extra time to investigate what options MAY be available to you.
Try to use this extra space to do a bit of research It can never hurt to explore possible alternatives.
I did and it paid off (see my profile). I encouraged a BC pal of mine to do the same (Grade 3, 8cm tumour, infected nodes) and it has paid off for her too. She is having a skin sparing mastectomy on the 11th of May, the surgeon is confident that he will be able to preserve her nipples. She had chemo first.
I must stress that your case may be entirely different and that the surgery that is being currently proposed may be your only option, however a few well considered questions to your medical team might surprise you. You never know, you MAY not need a prosthetic at all.
Check out this article, this is where I found my surgeon.
dailymail.co.uk/pages/live/articles/health/healthmain.html?in_article_id=401663&in_page_id=1774
Good luck Poppit.
XXXX
Mrs S
Hi Kellie I had my mastectomy on 22nd April and my breast care nurse sorted me out with a “cumfie” or “softie” (not sure of name) to fill out my empty bra cup.
It’s a sort of breast shaped cushion filled with polyester cotton which I just tuck into a non-wired sports type bra from M&S. So long as your bra is non-wired and fits snugly around your body, it should stay in place.
Once my scar is all healed up I will be measured for a proper silicone prosthesis.
Hope all goes well with you!
Dee
x
Thanks for the answers! Hi thanks for taking the time to reply to my questions!
It really helps me to feel that I am in control of the situation and fully aware what to expect, if I have got the answers to the questions swimming around in my head no matter how trivial.
Take care
Thinking of you all
Kellie (motherk)
Hi Kellie Hi Kellie,
So sorry to hear you have joined us. This site is awesome though and I have found it invaluable since I was diagnosed 8 weeks ago. I am 34 and had a mastectomy on March 29th. Mine was a grade 3 tumour and I had all of my lymph nodes removed, 25 of which were affected.
I want to wish you well with your forthcoming mastectomy. I was really concerned about only having 1 boob, as I am not able to have a recon until all my treatment has finished. I really needn’t have worried though as it really wasn’t as bad as I had first imagined. My boyfriend has been amazing throughout and the whole 1 boob thing does not appear to have fazed him at all.
Best wishes to you. You are in good company here and you know where we are if you ever need to sound someone out about something.Let us know how you get on,
Take care,
Kelly
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